What did you do, watching this? Watching someone struggle and die slowly? None of the others had been like this. Last words. Goodbyes. Just silence in Dominiqua's case. Kai hadn't even really had to watch Derek die, even though he'd felt it. The girl who had attacked him had died in an instant.
Now Kitty was writhing and crying out like an animal that had been maimed by a car. Nothing to do but flail around in agony and wait for the inevitable. He'd started to get used to constantly feeling sick to his stomach, but now it hit him freshly all over again. He couldn't tear his eyes away.
"I'm gonna die."
Her words finally snapped Kai out of his stupor. Because animals couldn't cry out like that. Couldn't grieve and despair over their own deaths.
When he was able to make himself move, he did so as though in a trance. Stood and dropped the gun. Staggered to where Kitty lay. All of the distance that she had fought to drag herself took him only a few strides.
"Kitty." His voice came out in a hoarse whisper. Lost in the noise of her sobbing.
Kai dropped to his knees in the snow next to her. Half reached out, then drew his hand back again.
What did you do? What could you do? He couldn't say sorry. He didn't know if he even was sorry, or if he just felt like he ought to be. Even if he was sorry, he couldn't take it back.
And even if he could have taken it back, he couldn't say for sure that he would have.
"Kitty," Kai repeated, louder. There was nothing else he could say or do.
To Skin A Cat
Day 11 midday, Private
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
-
VoltTurtle
- Posts: 1559
- Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 4:10 pm
- Location: Dreamland
Kai's voice cut through Kitty's sobs and sorrow, causing her flinch, freeze up, and stop making any noise, as though she had just stumbled upon a bear in the woods. Slowly, she pushed herself up, powering through the pain and twisting herself around as much as her body would allow in order to face him. She started to tremble again, then shake. Despite all the blood she had already lost, her face went beet red.
In that moment, her glass-half-full was drained of all its despair and grief, and in its place flowed in nothing but pure, unbridled rage.
For the very first time in her life, she looked upon Kai with anger.
"Why?!" she screeched, snarling, crying. "How could you..?"
Spittle, white-hot tears, and venom. She had gone from a simmer to flash-boiled in an instant. After what he did to her, how dare he have the gall to try to talk now?
"I saved your life!" she spat, snot dribbling down her face, mixing with the tears and blood on her chin. "I saved Cali's life!"
And now, with a single snap decision, Kai had ended hers.
"I loved you," her voice broke. "I trusted you!"
Yet, her trust had been misplaced again. She had been betrayed by another person she loved, who she had convinced herself loved her back. Stabbed in the back by someone she was sure had her best interests at heart. Now the contents of her heart were spilling out for all the world to see.
"I- I..!"
Another coughing fit came over her from the strain of her shouting, wracking her body with ever-more pain as she spat up another glob of blood, this time onto the snow instead of her hands. Her body was unraveling, and she was left heaving, out of breath despite barely moving at all. Her little burst of energy had faded, and she was once again nothing more than a dying animal.
Kitty glared at Kai, scowling. She could've killed them. It would have been easy, as simple as launching a grenade into the mess that had been unfolding. Then she wouldn't be laying in the snow, slowly bleeding to death.
Her gaze was drawn down to her shotgun, still by her side.
She wasn't dead yet. She could still kill him, avenge herself. One last act of spite for the road.
Kitty reached out, put her hand on the gun, and gripped it so tight that her hand hurt. Let the beast out, one last time. It would be easy; one shot, one more kill. She'd killed so many others in anger. What was one more?
She looked back up at Kai, seeing him silhouetted by the tree branches, and the clear sky far above.
The sight elicited a memory from an era long past, causing it to bubble up from the depths, unbidden.
Kitty and Kai used to go camping in the woods for days at a time, particularly during summer break. She was the only one who could keep up with him in that regard, and they had spent so much time with only each other as company. Out of every miserable day that made up her sorry life, those days were always the most special to her. Being out in the wild with him was when she felt the safest, the most comfortable.
One night while they were out, there was a major power outage affecting Massachusetts. All the artificial lights of the distant cities had dimmed and shut off, the two of them got the clearest view of the night sky either of them had ever seen. It was the first time Kitty ever saw the Milky Way with her own eyes, and not just in pictures. The two of them stayed up late that night, laying together on the hillside, taking turns pointing out constellations, and staring out into the wonders of the cosmos.
Reminiscence caused her face to turn from a scowl into a sad, mournful frown. More tears rolled down her cheeks, but they were no longer white-hot. Her rage had receded, replaced ever so briefly as it had with nostalgia. Slowly, her grief and despair began to creep back in, displacing everything else.
She could kill him.
But... no, no she couldn't. She never could've. Even now, after he had hurt her. No matter how badly she had been harmed, and how justifiably angry she was, she couldn't bring herself to harm him back. Even if she meant nothing to him anymore, he still meant everything to her. As terrible and selfish as she was, this was the one way that she was better than him.
Maybe she was never cut out to be a winner after all.
Kitty growled, groaned, and then pushed the shotgun away, before laying back in the snow, utterly defeated. Tears and blood alike continued to leak from her body like water through a sieve.
"Y-You k-killed me," she choked out. "I- I'm dying, b-because of y-you. So w- why- why can't I hate you for it?"
In that moment, her glass-half-full was drained of all its despair and grief, and in its place flowed in nothing but pure, unbridled rage.
For the very first time in her life, she looked upon Kai with anger.
"Why?!" she screeched, snarling, crying. "How could you..?"
Spittle, white-hot tears, and venom. She had gone from a simmer to flash-boiled in an instant. After what he did to her, how dare he have the gall to try to talk now?
"I saved your life!" she spat, snot dribbling down her face, mixing with the tears and blood on her chin. "I saved Cali's life!"
And now, with a single snap decision, Kai had ended hers.
"I loved you," her voice broke. "I trusted you!"
Yet, her trust had been misplaced again. She had been betrayed by another person she loved, who she had convinced herself loved her back. Stabbed in the back by someone she was sure had her best interests at heart. Now the contents of her heart were spilling out for all the world to see.
"I- I..!"
Another coughing fit came over her from the strain of her shouting, wracking her body with ever-more pain as she spat up another glob of blood, this time onto the snow instead of her hands. Her body was unraveling, and she was left heaving, out of breath despite barely moving at all. Her little burst of energy had faded, and she was once again nothing more than a dying animal.
Kitty glared at Kai, scowling. She could've killed them. It would have been easy, as simple as launching a grenade into the mess that had been unfolding. Then she wouldn't be laying in the snow, slowly bleeding to death.
Her gaze was drawn down to her shotgun, still by her side.
She wasn't dead yet. She could still kill him, avenge herself. One last act of spite for the road.
Kitty reached out, put her hand on the gun, and gripped it so tight that her hand hurt. Let the beast out, one last time. It would be easy; one shot, one more kill. She'd killed so many others in anger. What was one more?
She looked back up at Kai, seeing him silhouetted by the tree branches, and the clear sky far above.
The sight elicited a memory from an era long past, causing it to bubble up from the depths, unbidden.
Kitty and Kai used to go camping in the woods for days at a time, particularly during summer break. She was the only one who could keep up with him in that regard, and they had spent so much time with only each other as company. Out of every miserable day that made up her sorry life, those days were always the most special to her. Being out in the wild with him was when she felt the safest, the most comfortable.
One night while they were out, there was a major power outage affecting Massachusetts. All the artificial lights of the distant cities had dimmed and shut off, the two of them got the clearest view of the night sky either of them had ever seen. It was the first time Kitty ever saw the Milky Way with her own eyes, and not just in pictures. The two of them stayed up late that night, laying together on the hillside, taking turns pointing out constellations, and staring out into the wonders of the cosmos.
Reminiscence caused her face to turn from a scowl into a sad, mournful frown. More tears rolled down her cheeks, but they were no longer white-hot. Her rage had receded, replaced ever so briefly as it had with nostalgia. Slowly, her grief and despair began to creep back in, displacing everything else.
She could kill him.
But... no, no she couldn't. She never could've. Even now, after he had hurt her. No matter how badly she had been harmed, and how justifiably angry she was, she couldn't bring herself to harm him back. Even if she meant nothing to him anymore, he still meant everything to her. As terrible and selfish as she was, this was the one way that she was better than him.
Maybe she was never cut out to be a winner after all.
Kitty growled, groaned, and then pushed the shotgun away, before laying back in the snow, utterly defeated. Tears and blood alike continued to leak from her body like water through a sieve.
"Y-You k-killed me," she choked out. "I- I'm dying, b-because of y-you. So w- why- why can't I hate you for it?"
Kai didn't argue with the venom that Kitty spat at him. He didn't move when she grabbed the gun.
He'd reconsider later. Feel guilty that he'd even momentarily forgotten about Cali laying helpless nearby. It was just a different kind of guilt. That seemed like his default at this point. In the heat of the moment though, he wouldn't have tried to dodge if Kitty had followed through with shooting him.
Objectively, everything she said was true. She had saved him and saved Cali, and he'd betrayed her again. There was a bigger picture than the three of them though, and Kitty had refused this whole time to see it.
"I wouldn't blame you if you did hate me," he said once she'd given up and slumped back. It didn't feel heroic. Didn't feel right. Just necessary. Kai knew without even trying that he couldn't have begun to justify it in a way that Kitty would understand. In her world, everyone loved or hated her with no in-between, and she felt the same about them. People you loved were to be protected and cherished. Here on the island, people you hated were to be eliminated without hesitation.
In reality, sometimes you had to put a rabid animal down to end its misery and stop it from hurting anyone else, no matter how much you loved it.
"Do you want me to leave?"
He'd reconsider later. Feel guilty that he'd even momentarily forgotten about Cali laying helpless nearby. It was just a different kind of guilt. That seemed like his default at this point. In the heat of the moment though, he wouldn't have tried to dodge if Kitty had followed through with shooting him.
Objectively, everything she said was true. She had saved him and saved Cali, and he'd betrayed her again. There was a bigger picture than the three of them though, and Kitty had refused this whole time to see it.
"I wouldn't blame you if you did hate me," he said once she'd given up and slumped back. It didn't feel heroic. Didn't feel right. Just necessary. Kai knew without even trying that he couldn't have begun to justify it in a way that Kitty would understand. In her world, everyone loved or hated her with no in-between, and she felt the same about them. People you loved were to be protected and cherished. Here on the island, people you hated were to be eliminated without hesitation.
In reality, sometimes you had to put a rabid animal down to end its misery and stop it from hurting anyone else, no matter how much you loved it.
"Do you want me to leave?"
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
-
VoltTurtle
- Posts: 1559
- Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 4:10 pm
- Location: Dreamland
Kitty did not respond immediately, instead quietly sniffling and crying as blood continued to soak through her haphazard bandages and into her jacket and vest. She could feel more than hear her heartbeat in her ears. She tried to breathe deep, to keep calm even as panic began to overwhelm her, but it did her no good, for every breath was ice in her lungs and fire in her stomach. She didn't know how to respond to Kai's simple question, and pick from the two paths that were laid out before her.
On one of those paths, she said yes. Kai would leave, presumably taking California's unconscious body with him, and then Kitty would be left dying alone in the snow, with nobody around except the voyeurs to witness her final moments. Nobody would be there to comfort her as her body failed and she disappeared from this world forever.
When she was a kid, she had always been left isolated and alone. The thought of returning to that state in her very last moments terrified her almost as much as her imminent demise. In light of that, her answer was obvious.
Kitty's face scrunched up into a pained grimace, tears flooding her vision.
"No!"
Her sobbing grew more intense, sniffles leaving her unable to speak for several seconds.
"I- I'm scared! I'm so, s-so scared," she cried. "Pl-Please don't leave me a-alone..."
Some small part of her, the angry, spiteful part, had an ulterior motive behind her answer. She had witnessed the final moments of so many of her victims, and been forced to internalize the guilt that came from watching someone else expire by her own hands. It was only fair for Kai to have to deal with that too. He needed to see what he had done to her. She wanted to make sure that if he was going to so callously betray her and steal her life away, then she was going to take a part of his soul with her.
Another part, smaller but louder, still wanted to believe the friendship and love they shared had been real.
"C-Could you," she stammered, unsure of what she was asking. "Could y-you... h-hold me?"
As all her warmth spilled out of her, she could feel the cold nibbling at every part of her skin. As angry as she was at him, there was nothing else to be done, so all she wanted was to feel warm, one last time.
On one of those paths, she said yes. Kai would leave, presumably taking California's unconscious body with him, and then Kitty would be left dying alone in the snow, with nobody around except the voyeurs to witness her final moments. Nobody would be there to comfort her as her body failed and she disappeared from this world forever.
When she was a kid, she had always been left isolated and alone. The thought of returning to that state in her very last moments terrified her almost as much as her imminent demise. In light of that, her answer was obvious.
Kitty's face scrunched up into a pained grimace, tears flooding her vision.
"No!"
Her sobbing grew more intense, sniffles leaving her unable to speak for several seconds.
"I- I'm scared! I'm so, s-so scared," she cried. "Pl-Please don't leave me a-alone..."
Some small part of her, the angry, spiteful part, had an ulterior motive behind her answer. She had witnessed the final moments of so many of her victims, and been forced to internalize the guilt that came from watching someone else expire by her own hands. It was only fair for Kai to have to deal with that too. He needed to see what he had done to her. She wanted to make sure that if he was going to so callously betray her and steal her life away, then she was going to take a part of his soul with her.
Another part, smaller but louder, still wanted to believe the friendship and love they shared had been real.
"C-Could you," she stammered, unsure of what she was asking. "Could y-you... h-hold me?"
As all her warmth spilled out of her, she could feel the cold nibbling at every part of her skin. As angry as she was at him, there was nothing else to be done, so all she wanted was to feel warm, one last time.
There was a moment where Kai thought about saying no.
He could hear the arguments for it. That it wasn't enough that Kitty should just die, that she had to suffer too. That somehow leaving her alone with her fear and pain was justified. The right thing to do. That it would somehow make up for what she'd done.
It was what Ashlyn or Matthew would have done.
Kai didn't verbally answer Kitty's plea, but he slid his arms underneath her and scooped her up to his chest like he'd done so many times before. She was shaking violently, and her blood immediately started to soak into his clothes. It made his skin crawl, but he did his best to adjust her comfortably.
He had been too slow to find her, spent too long in denial, acted too late to stop her. Now he'd done something final. Now it was finally going to be over.
Choosing to be cruel now wasn't going to save anyone else. It wouldn't bring anyone back.
"Is that better?" He asked once he'd situated Kitty in his arms as best he could.
He had always tried to make her comfortable where he could. Sticking by her side at school and when they were out on hikes. Encouraging her drawing and praising the parts of it that he understood. Listening to her ramble about her ideas, scary movies she liked, things she wanted to do in some hypothetical world where she didn't have to rely on her relatives. Kitty had never seemed confident that she had a future until right before Kai made the choice to take it from her.
He could hear the arguments for it. That it wasn't enough that Kitty should just die, that she had to suffer too. That somehow leaving her alone with her fear and pain was justified. The right thing to do. That it would somehow make up for what she'd done.
It was what Ashlyn or Matthew would have done.
Kai didn't verbally answer Kitty's plea, but he slid his arms underneath her and scooped her up to his chest like he'd done so many times before. She was shaking violently, and her blood immediately started to soak into his clothes. It made his skin crawl, but he did his best to adjust her comfortably.
He had been too slow to find her, spent too long in denial, acted too late to stop her. Now he'd done something final. Now it was finally going to be over.
Choosing to be cruel now wasn't going to save anyone else. It wouldn't bring anyone back.
"Is that better?" He asked once he'd situated Kitty in his arms as best he could.
He had always tried to make her comfortable where he could. Sticking by her side at school and when they were out on hikes. Encouraging her drawing and praising the parts of it that he understood. Listening to her ramble about her ideas, scary movies she liked, things she wanted to do in some hypothetical world where she didn't have to rely on her relatives. Kitty had never seemed confident that she had a future until right before Kai made the choice to take it from her.
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
As California lay there, slowly waking from the void of unconsciousness she could hear voices, gasps and tears. Her head hurt, a pain throbbing from her forehead and temples that looped around her entire skull like a crown. A ring of pain radiating and boring through the bones and directly into her brain. As she lay there the light seemed too bright, even through her closed eyes. Meanwhile the voices in the room continued to speak to each other, her family probably. She was surprised that she couldn’t hear Salem, but maybe it was better if he wasn’t present, after all the last time they’d spoken he’d been admitting to his plan to kill people. So she wasn’t entirely sure how her parents would have reacted to that once they found out. It likely wouldn’t have been a good reaction though, maybe that was why she couldn’t hear him, they’d told him not to come.
With great effort California opened her eyes, but instead of a cold, white hospital ceiling with a single tube bulb streaming harsh light across the room, she saw a cold, blue sky, with the sun shining warm orange rays around them.
As she lay there, the chill from the earth forcing its way through the emergency blanket and into her back, California tried to piece together what had happened. It proved easy enough to grab the preceding memories. She and Kai talking about heading to the mountain and trying to see the aftermath of explosion and then there had been smaller explosions near them and she’d awoken on the floor, thinking she was in hospital. It made sense her brain would think that she supposed, no matter how wrong it was. California went to put her arms down to push herself upright into a sitting position but found one of her shoulders couldn’t hold her weight and she hissed as she had to roll to one side to get herself up.
Her hair waved as she shook her head. The hat she’d been wearing since waking up had come off and was…somewhere. Where it had gone she had no idea, but her bag was also gone and she had no clue where it would have been either. As she sat there trying to figure out what had happened and when a part of the mystery decided to make itself known.
The voices had continued and as she looked over at where they were coming from she got her answers.
Kai was sat with a bleeding Kitty cradled in his arms. Behind that scene lay another corpse, with pine needles stuck in what remained of their hair, it felt familiar enough. California knew she’d seen the corpse alive and prior to whatever had happened but the actual event itself eluded her.
Something similar had happened to her before, after the car crash, so she wasn’t as shaken by it as she’d been that time. But the scene before her was still disturbing in other ways. Because what were they going to do if Kitty had been wounded protecting them? She had been wounded somehow, the blood emptying out of her and being greedily sucked up by Kai’s clothing was proof enough of that.
California, using her one good arm as a brace stood up and stumbled closer to the pair. As she did so she tried to ignore the desire to tell Kai to put Kitty down, to pull him away from her. To tell him they needed to let her go, that she wasn’t their friend anymore and hadn’t been for a long time, but seeing them there in their embrace she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
She felt sick.
“What’s happening?” Her own voice sounded empty, dreamlike and so far away.
With great effort California opened her eyes, but instead of a cold, white hospital ceiling with a single tube bulb streaming harsh light across the room, she saw a cold, blue sky, with the sun shining warm orange rays around them.
As she lay there, the chill from the earth forcing its way through the emergency blanket and into her back, California tried to piece together what had happened. It proved easy enough to grab the preceding memories. She and Kai talking about heading to the mountain and trying to see the aftermath of explosion and then there had been smaller explosions near them and she’d awoken on the floor, thinking she was in hospital. It made sense her brain would think that she supposed, no matter how wrong it was. California went to put her arms down to push herself upright into a sitting position but found one of her shoulders couldn’t hold her weight and she hissed as she had to roll to one side to get herself up.
Her hair waved as she shook her head. The hat she’d been wearing since waking up had come off and was…somewhere. Where it had gone she had no idea, but her bag was also gone and she had no clue where it would have been either. As she sat there trying to figure out what had happened and when a part of the mystery decided to make itself known.
The voices had continued and as she looked over at where they were coming from she got her answers.
Kai was sat with a bleeding Kitty cradled in his arms. Behind that scene lay another corpse, with pine needles stuck in what remained of their hair, it felt familiar enough. California knew she’d seen the corpse alive and prior to whatever had happened but the actual event itself eluded her.
Something similar had happened to her before, after the car crash, so she wasn’t as shaken by it as she’d been that time. But the scene before her was still disturbing in other ways. Because what were they going to do if Kitty had been wounded protecting them? She had been wounded somehow, the blood emptying out of her and being greedily sucked up by Kai’s clothing was proof enough of that.
California, using her one good arm as a brace stood up and stumbled closer to the pair. As she did so she tried to ignore the desire to tell Kai to put Kitty down, to pull him away from her. To tell him they needed to let her go, that she wasn’t their friend anymore and hadn’t been for a long time, but seeing them there in their embrace she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
She felt sick.
“What’s happening?” Her own voice sounded empty, dreamlike and so far away.
-
VoltTurtle
- Posts: 1559
- Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 4:10 pm
- Location: Dreamland
It hurt as Kai scooped her up, burning tendrils burrowing up through her chest as she was settled into a new position, but she bit her tongue and kept her mouth shut, only making a few small squeaks of discomfort. Her heart was beating so fast now, quicker than she had ever felt it before in her life, nothing like when she was exerting herself from running or hiking. Instead, it felt like it was on the verge of exploding, only barely holding on, like a swimmer struggling to tread water.
Despite the hardship getting there, Kai's embrace still proved better than lying in the snow, with the warmth of his body heat radiating through her, dulling the pain ever so slightly. She'd been held like this by him so many times before, far too many to count. If it weren't for the pain and overwhelming terror, she would almost call it nostalgic. At least her crying had stopped, for now.
"Yeah. B-Better," Kitty murmured in reply, laying her head against Kai's chest.
Then, California finally came to, and Kitty's eyes flicked over to where she was.
"H-Hi Cali," she croaked. "Sorry f-for not keeping my p-promise. I'm dying."
Her eyes drifted half-closed, as she stared up and into the open sky above.
"I'm... dying..."
With those words, the truth of her predicament finally sunk all the way in. She had a minute, maybe two or three at most, and then she would wink out like a light. Never to be seen or heard from again. Never to snuggle her cat or draw or tell a story or watch a scary movie again. For her, nothing laid beyond the veil.
"I- I'm..." she mumbled, tears beginning to flow again, unsure if either Kai or California could hear her. "I'm sorry..."
Sorry to who? All the people she hurt? Nothing she could say to them now would make up for everything she'd done before. No, she wasn't sorry to them, because being sorry to them would be insincere. She chose to hurt them, and there was no lying to herself about that anymore. She had always been bad at lying, anyway. So who was she really sorry to?
"S-Sorry, Ash," she decided. "I c-couldn't- I couldn't do it. I wasn't able t-to win..."
There was another. Someone who deserved the apology far more.
"Sorry, M- Mr. Kitty," she wailed, her tears clouding the sky above. "I couldn't come h-home to you. I h-hope you aren't t-too sad that I'm n-never coming back. I hope y-you don't think I- I a-abandoned you..."
She saw a vision of him laying on her bed in her absence, waiting for her to come home, when she never would. The thought made her throat close up entirely, and her crying to become uglier, so intense that her whole body shook with each sob, wracking her with painful shock after shock. Out of everyone, he deserved the suffering he was going to experience the least.
"I-It was j-just like I s-said," she choked out, when she was finally able to speak again. "I was d-doomed. I was n-never gonna survive."
Fate was a funny thing.
Like falling into a black hole, any attempt to fight and flee from fate only brought one closer to it, faster. The more one struggled, the worse off they were. Beyond the point of no return, one was trapped, inexorably, into the what-was-going-to-be. Kitty’s hubris had been convincing herself she was different, somehow immune to what had been laid out for her.
"Sorry to- to you guys. Y-You were right," she lamented. "N-nothing I did... all the s-suffering I caused... m-mattered, at all."
But the sentiment was too little, too late. She could've drowned by herself, but instead she chose to drag everyone else down with her.
Despite the hardship getting there, Kai's embrace still proved better than lying in the snow, with the warmth of his body heat radiating through her, dulling the pain ever so slightly. She'd been held like this by him so many times before, far too many to count. If it weren't for the pain and overwhelming terror, she would almost call it nostalgic. At least her crying had stopped, for now.
"Yeah. B-Better," Kitty murmured in reply, laying her head against Kai's chest.
Then, California finally came to, and Kitty's eyes flicked over to where she was.
"H-Hi Cali," she croaked. "Sorry f-for not keeping my p-promise. I'm dying."
Her eyes drifted half-closed, as she stared up and into the open sky above.
"I'm... dying..."
With those words, the truth of her predicament finally sunk all the way in. She had a minute, maybe two or three at most, and then she would wink out like a light. Never to be seen or heard from again. Never to snuggle her cat or draw or tell a story or watch a scary movie again. For her, nothing laid beyond the veil.
"I- I'm..." she mumbled, tears beginning to flow again, unsure if either Kai or California could hear her. "I'm sorry..."
Sorry to who? All the people she hurt? Nothing she could say to them now would make up for everything she'd done before. No, she wasn't sorry to them, because being sorry to them would be insincere. She chose to hurt them, and there was no lying to herself about that anymore. She had always been bad at lying, anyway. So who was she really sorry to?
"S-Sorry, Ash," she decided. "I c-couldn't- I couldn't do it. I wasn't able t-to win..."
There was another. Someone who deserved the apology far more.
"Sorry, M- Mr. Kitty," she wailed, her tears clouding the sky above. "I couldn't come h-home to you. I h-hope you aren't t-too sad that I'm n-never coming back. I hope y-you don't think I- I a-abandoned you..."
She saw a vision of him laying on her bed in her absence, waiting for her to come home, when she never would. The thought made her throat close up entirely, and her crying to become uglier, so intense that her whole body shook with each sob, wracking her with painful shock after shock. Out of everyone, he deserved the suffering he was going to experience the least.
"I-It was j-just like I s-said," she choked out, when she was finally able to speak again. "I was d-doomed. I was n-never gonna survive."
Fate was a funny thing.
Like falling into a black hole, any attempt to fight and flee from fate only brought one closer to it, faster. The more one struggled, the worse off they were. Beyond the point of no return, one was trapped, inexorably, into the what-was-going-to-be. Kitty’s hubris had been convincing herself she was different, somehow immune to what had been laid out for her.
"Sorry to- to you guys. Y-You were right," she lamented. "N-nothing I did... all the s-suffering I caused... m-mattered, at all."
But the sentiment was too little, too late. She could've drowned by herself, but instead she chose to drag everyone else down with her.
Kai didn't hear Cali wake and get up over the noise of Kitty's crying, so he started guiltily when she spoke. He looked in her direction, but only for a moment. He was sure that the truth of what had happened showed on his face.
Did Kitty mean what she said? Was she sorry?
Did it matter? Even if she was sorry, did it actually mean anything for her to only be sorry when there was no other choice?
Kai closed his eyes and adjusted Kitty slightly in his grip to brush his hand through her hair. Like he'd done so many times before he couldn't have even tried to keep count. Her hair was greasy and knotted after so long on the island, but he was able to carefully brush some clumps of dirt free.
Another meaningless gesture.
Did Kitty mean what she said? Was she sorry?
Did it matter? Even if she was sorry, did it actually mean anything for her to only be sorry when there was no other choice?
Kai closed his eyes and adjusted Kitty slightly in his grip to brush his hand through her hair. Like he'd done so many times before he couldn't have even tried to keep count. Her hair was greasy and knotted after so long on the island, but he was able to carefully brush some clumps of dirt free.
Another meaningless gesture.
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
They were right.
She had told Kitty when they’d met on the road. Along with Kai, they’d provided every warning possible. Kitty had ignored each and every one, pushing on to the moment they found themselves in. There had been no other way the path Kitty had chosen to walk could have ended.
Everybody dies.
California screwed her eyes shut and winced, the searing ring of pain that went around her head flaring up as she stood. Instead she dropped down, placing one knee on the ground and letting her damaged arm hang limply.
“Yeah…” She said, trying not to spend too long looking at Kitty. “Well…”
It was too late now, was what she wanted to say. It would have been good to point out all the exits Kitty had ignored, all the choices she had made that were selfish and destructive. Tell her how, she had built up a lot of debt in a short period of time, and it was only inevitable that someone would come to collect. It would have made her feel better about letting Kitty run away on the first day.
But Kitty was already dying, so there didn’t seem to be any need to twist the knife further.
She had told Kitty when they’d met on the road. Along with Kai, they’d provided every warning possible. Kitty had ignored each and every one, pushing on to the moment they found themselves in. There had been no other way the path Kitty had chosen to walk could have ended.
Everybody dies.
California screwed her eyes shut and winced, the searing ring of pain that went around her head flaring up as she stood. Instead she dropped down, placing one knee on the ground and letting her damaged arm hang limply.
“Yeah…” She said, trying not to spend too long looking at Kitty. “Well…”
It was too late now, was what she wanted to say. It would have been good to point out all the exits Kitty had ignored, all the choices she had made that were selfish and destructive. Tell her how, she had built up a lot of debt in a short period of time, and it was only inevitable that someone would come to collect. It would have made her feel better about letting Kitty run away on the first day.
But Kitty was already dying, so there didn’t seem to be any need to twist the knife further.
-
VoltTurtle
- Posts: 1559
- Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 4:10 pm
- Location: Dreamland
"I j-just-"
Before Kitty could say anything else, she began to convulse in Kai's arms, more agonizing tendrils shooting through her stomach, burning her up from within. She hacked and coughed, and up came another small geyser of blood, spilling down her chin and all over her chest. Dim and distant, she stared into the sky, silent until her body had calmed, the latest spikes of pain began to subside.
There was so much that she still wanted to say, but a fog thicker than any other she had ever experienced had begun to settle over her mind. Thinking was becoming increasingly difficult as her body began to shut down. She was faint, fading fast. She could feel the darkness encroaching on the edges of her vision. Nonetheless, she fought as hard as she could for every additional second, every single breath.
"I- I wanted a ch-chance to be happy," she cried, between heavy, pained breaths. "I wanted a better st-story than... this. I thought, m-maybe if I made it out of here, then it all would've been w-worth it, somehow."
It had taken so long to get there, but she was finally being honest with herself and those around her. With her confession came the return of her constant companion, self-loathing. She had kept it caged and ignored ever since the night after Ash's death, but as her brain began to fail, the bars had worn thin, and now on her deathbed there was nothing left to hold it back.
"I wanted all the p-pain I went through to mean something," she grimaced, clawing for every new word, if nothing else but so her friends would finally understand why it had come to this. "But... it didn't. It w-was just suffering. I only made e-everything worse."
Kitty started to shiver and sweat, the skin on her face becoming deathly pale as her blood continued to ooze out of her in a little red river. Jack Frost crept into her veins, greedily sucking out every bit of body heat he could get at. Kai's own body heat comforted her, but it couldn't save her from the wound he had inflicted.
"N-Now... this is all I- I'll ever be. N-Nothing from before matters, because I c-couldn't make up for it with an after. I'm just the ps-psycho cat girl who went c-crazy and killed a bunch of people..."
She felt dizzy, like the whole world was spinning. An overwhelming thirst, like she had just gone on a long hike without bringing any water, hit her all at once. She felt like she was coming apart at the seams. How much time did she have left? Did she even want to know?
"It w-would've been b-better," she choked out, only half-cognizant of what she was saying, "i-if I had died in the c-crash. That's when I was m-meant to die."
As her despair and hopelessness sharpened to the finest point she had ever seen, the burning in her gut began to dull, as though it was being turned down like the volume on a TV. Her face was starting to feel numb. It was getting harder and harder for her to move.
"That way, y-you guys would've never m-met me," she slurred, between sobs. "I n-never could've d-disappointed you, or hurt anyone..."
Everything started to slow down, seconds turning into what felt like minutes. She began to feel as though she was floating away. Her rapid, heavy breaths turned into laborious gasps. Not yet, not yet, she repeated to herself. She wasn't ready yet. She would never be ready.
"In the e-end, Ash was- was r-right," she mumbled, sniffled, her eyes starting to drift closed. "My- My life was w-worthless. I n-never should've been born."
Not all cats land on their feet, after all.
Before Kitty could say anything else, she began to convulse in Kai's arms, more agonizing tendrils shooting through her stomach, burning her up from within. She hacked and coughed, and up came another small geyser of blood, spilling down her chin and all over her chest. Dim and distant, she stared into the sky, silent until her body had calmed, the latest spikes of pain began to subside.
There was so much that she still wanted to say, but a fog thicker than any other she had ever experienced had begun to settle over her mind. Thinking was becoming increasingly difficult as her body began to shut down. She was faint, fading fast. She could feel the darkness encroaching on the edges of her vision. Nonetheless, she fought as hard as she could for every additional second, every single breath.
"I- I wanted a ch-chance to be happy," she cried, between heavy, pained breaths. "I wanted a better st-story than... this. I thought, m-maybe if I made it out of here, then it all would've been w-worth it, somehow."
It had taken so long to get there, but she was finally being honest with herself and those around her. With her confession came the return of her constant companion, self-loathing. She had kept it caged and ignored ever since the night after Ash's death, but as her brain began to fail, the bars had worn thin, and now on her deathbed there was nothing left to hold it back.
"I wanted all the p-pain I went through to mean something," she grimaced, clawing for every new word, if nothing else but so her friends would finally understand why it had come to this. "But... it didn't. It w-was just suffering. I only made e-everything worse."
Kitty started to shiver and sweat, the skin on her face becoming deathly pale as her blood continued to ooze out of her in a little red river. Jack Frost crept into her veins, greedily sucking out every bit of body heat he could get at. Kai's own body heat comforted her, but it couldn't save her from the wound he had inflicted.
"N-Now... this is all I- I'll ever be. N-Nothing from before matters, because I c-couldn't make up for it with an after. I'm just the ps-psycho cat girl who went c-crazy and killed a bunch of people..."
She felt dizzy, like the whole world was spinning. An overwhelming thirst, like she had just gone on a long hike without bringing any water, hit her all at once. She felt like she was coming apart at the seams. How much time did she have left? Did she even want to know?
"It w-would've been b-better," she choked out, only half-cognizant of what she was saying, "i-if I had died in the c-crash. That's when I was m-meant to die."
As her despair and hopelessness sharpened to the finest point she had ever seen, the burning in her gut began to dull, as though it was being turned down like the volume on a TV. Her face was starting to feel numb. It was getting harder and harder for her to move.
"That way, y-you guys would've never m-met me," she slurred, between sobs. "I n-never could've d-disappointed you, or hurt anyone..."
Everything started to slow down, seconds turning into what felt like minutes. She began to feel as though she was floating away. Her rapid, heavy breaths turned into laborious gasps. Not yet, not yet, she repeated to herself. She wasn't ready yet. She would never be ready.
"In the e-end, Ash was- was r-right," she mumbled, sniffled, her eyes starting to drift closed. "My- My life was w-worthless. I n-never should've been born."
Not all cats land on their feet, after all.
"Maybe your life was worthless to you, but it wasn't to me."
That was the point. That was why Kai had held on so tightly for so long. Why he'd given Kitty so many chances and wanted so badly to believe.
She'd been the first friend he ever made after coming to Salem. Maybe the first person in his life, ever, who he had felt really understood him. He'd thought that he understood her too, until he hadn't. Even when he couldn't stay in denial any longer, he'd spent nearly every minute after he turned his back on her hating himself.
All of it had meant something, like she'd said before. They had meant something to each other.
What did it mean now?
"I love you, okay? You don't have to believe me." Kai's throat felt like it was closing up, but he forced the words out.
How could he say that, after what she'd done? After what he'd done to her? Admitting it felt like he was doing something wrong, but it was the truth.
That was the point. That was why Kai had held on so tightly for so long. Why he'd given Kitty so many chances and wanted so badly to believe.
She'd been the first friend he ever made after coming to Salem. Maybe the first person in his life, ever, who he had felt really understood him. He'd thought that he understood her too, until he hadn't. Even when he couldn't stay in denial any longer, he'd spent nearly every minute after he turned his back on her hating himself.
All of it had meant something, like she'd said before. They had meant something to each other.
What did it mean now?
"I love you, okay? You don't have to believe me." Kai's throat felt like it was closing up, but he forced the words out.
How could he say that, after what she'd done? After what he'd done to her? Admitting it felt like he was doing something wrong, but it was the truth.
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
It was hard to figure out what to say. The gap between the Kitty she had known and the one that had come to be on the island was so great there didn’t seem to be any way to bridge it.
California didn’t want to believe that Kitty had always been capable of what she had done, that her thinking could have been so warped by self-loathing and fear, but she would never truly know.
In the end all she had was a friend bleeding to death from a gunshot wound, and she spitefully didn’t want Ash to have been right, she didn’t want Kitty to die believing that the words of her abusive older sister had been true.
But at the same time, putting Ash’s words to the side, Kitty had still killed so many, and for what? More weapons than she could use and a bigger target on her back. A target she’d put there herself and then used to justify further killing.
California stared at the ground, blinking away the tears that were threatening to fall. Her mouth opened once and then closed again.
She had to say something though, otherwise she would run out of time.
“I…” She gulped, and tried to steady her voice. “I think your life had value, back in Salem.”
Another pause as she used her good arm to wipe at her eyes.
“You helped me.”
California didn’t want to believe that Kitty had always been capable of what she had done, that her thinking could have been so warped by self-loathing and fear, but she would never truly know.
In the end all she had was a friend bleeding to death from a gunshot wound, and she spitefully didn’t want Ash to have been right, she didn’t want Kitty to die believing that the words of her abusive older sister had been true.
But at the same time, putting Ash’s words to the side, Kitty had still killed so many, and for what? More weapons than she could use and a bigger target on her back. A target she’d put there herself and then used to justify further killing.
California stared at the ground, blinking away the tears that were threatening to fall. Her mouth opened once and then closed again.
She had to say something though, otherwise she would run out of time.
“I…” She gulped, and tried to steady her voice. “I think your life had value, back in Salem.”
Another pause as she used her good arm to wipe at her eyes.
“You helped me.”
-
VoltTurtle
- Posts: 1559
- Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 4:10 pm
- Location: Dreamland
Katelyn Graves was going to die.
Her heartbeat had grown faint, almost imperceptible to her. The world around felt far away, as though she was observing it from the outside, her senses melting into the snow and dirt and scenery. Colors that were once bright dulled, and the images hitting her retinas were blurry, hard to make out. Everything around her seemed to be moving in stutter-step, like a slideshow.
She stopped crying, for her body had no more water to spare for her tears. Terror receded away, replaced by an eerie, unfamiliar, but not unwelcome sense of calm. Every breath she took was labored, but for some reason, it didn't bother her. She couldn't feel the pain anymore, because she couldn't feel much of anything anymore. Her eyes were barely open, her expression murky.
The voices of her friends came to her muffled, as though she was underwater.
"I'm... glad," she slurred to Cali, between heavy, forceful breaths.
Her friends' reassurance wasn't enough to save her, but it warmed her cold, dying heart. There was some comfort knowing that her sad, sorry life had left an impact, however small. Perhaps that was all any of their lives truly meant, in the end. Everything fades and dies eventually, and everyone will be forgotten, but someone's impact always lived on beyond them. It radiated out in invisible ways, touching lives and people they would never, ever know. In this way, every person was monolithic. Even as memory faded like an aging photo, and the rising tide of history washed the old ways away, the world would still remember, always and forever.
"A-And... I love you too," she mumbled to Kai, sleepily, deliriously.
In spite of what she had done to him, and he to her, she still meant every word. If someone had asked her why, and she had been able to respond, she wouldn't have had a good answer. Love was irrational, ephemeral, uncontrollable. She couldn't choose who she loved in the same way the clouds couldn't choose when to rain. But, even if she were given the choice, she wouldn't choose anything else.
"I never d-deserved," she heaved, "friends like y-you..."
It had always felt unforgiving to her when a good thing had to end. Yet, the present didn't suddenly cease to exist once it became the past. Instead, every moment was forever preserved, crystallized in amber. The human sense of time was merely a perception of moments proceeding in a continuous stream, not the truth of reality. The universe had no present tense, and everything still happened, happening, will happen. Always and forever.
"I w-wish- I wish we- we c-could've..."
As her blood pressure dropped, the bleeding slowed to a trickle of what it once was. Her whole jacket around her gut was completely soaked through in scarlet. Every new breath she took was heavier, harder, faster than the last. Her lungs struggled to keep up with her body's demand for oxygen, as the problem was not the supply, but instead her blood's rapidly diminishing ability to transport it.
Her eyes glazed over, her heart beating so fast that it was basically shaking in place, barely pumping any blood at all. The rapid rise and fall of her chest grew faster and faster as she hyperventilated, gasping, desperately, stubbornly fighting for every additional second of consciousness.
If nothing else, Kitty had been a true survivor. No matter how much was thrown at her, and as often as she wanted to give up, events would always conspire to keep her alive, and then she would choose for herself to carry on in spite of her many burdens. In another time, in another world, she may have avoided her mistakes, and managed to carry on beyond even this place. But in this world, in this time, even she couldn't keep fighting any longer.
"C- Co- Could've..."
Her eyes drifted closed. Soon after, she took her final breath.
Full stop.
Her heartbeat had grown faint, almost imperceptible to her. The world around felt far away, as though she was observing it from the outside, her senses melting into the snow and dirt and scenery. Colors that were once bright dulled, and the images hitting her retinas were blurry, hard to make out. Everything around her seemed to be moving in stutter-step, like a slideshow.
She stopped crying, for her body had no more water to spare for her tears. Terror receded away, replaced by an eerie, unfamiliar, but not unwelcome sense of calm. Every breath she took was labored, but for some reason, it didn't bother her. She couldn't feel the pain anymore, because she couldn't feel much of anything anymore. Her eyes were barely open, her expression murky.
The voices of her friends came to her muffled, as though she was underwater.
"I'm... glad," she slurred to Cali, between heavy, forceful breaths.
Her friends' reassurance wasn't enough to save her, but it warmed her cold, dying heart. There was some comfort knowing that her sad, sorry life had left an impact, however small. Perhaps that was all any of their lives truly meant, in the end. Everything fades and dies eventually, and everyone will be forgotten, but someone's impact always lived on beyond them. It radiated out in invisible ways, touching lives and people they would never, ever know. In this way, every person was monolithic. Even as memory faded like an aging photo, and the rising tide of history washed the old ways away, the world would still remember, always and forever.
"A-And... I love you too," she mumbled to Kai, sleepily, deliriously.
In spite of what she had done to him, and he to her, she still meant every word. If someone had asked her why, and she had been able to respond, she wouldn't have had a good answer. Love was irrational, ephemeral, uncontrollable. She couldn't choose who she loved in the same way the clouds couldn't choose when to rain. But, even if she were given the choice, she wouldn't choose anything else.
"I never d-deserved," she heaved, "friends like y-you..."
It had always felt unforgiving to her when a good thing had to end. Yet, the present didn't suddenly cease to exist once it became the past. Instead, every moment was forever preserved, crystallized in amber. The human sense of time was merely a perception of moments proceeding in a continuous stream, not the truth of reality. The universe had no present tense, and everything still happened, happening, will happen. Always and forever.
"I w-wish- I wish we- we c-could've..."
As her blood pressure dropped, the bleeding slowed to a trickle of what it once was. Her whole jacket around her gut was completely soaked through in scarlet. Every new breath she took was heavier, harder, faster than the last. Her lungs struggled to keep up with her body's demand for oxygen, as the problem was not the supply, but instead her blood's rapidly diminishing ability to transport it.
Her eyes glazed over, her heart beating so fast that it was basically shaking in place, barely pumping any blood at all. The rapid rise and fall of her chest grew faster and faster as she hyperventilated, gasping, desperately, stubbornly fighting for every additional second of consciousness.
If nothing else, Kitty had been a true survivor. No matter how much was thrown at her, and as often as she wanted to give up, events would always conspire to keep her alive, and then she would choose for herself to carry on in spite of her many burdens. In another time, in another world, she may have avoided her mistakes, and managed to carry on beyond even this place. But in this world, in this time, even she couldn't keep fighting any longer.
"C- Co- Could've..."
Her eyes drifted closed. Soon after, she took her final breath.
Full stop.
Katelyn Graves: End
When Ren died, Kai hadn't broken down completely until he was sure they were gone. He felt it when Kitty stopped breathing. Watched her face go white and waxy. Watched her go still. He waited for the dam to break.
It didn't come.
Snow had melted under him and soaked through his jeans. His legs stung in the way that told him they were on the verge of going numb from cold and how he was sitting. His shirt stuck to his skin. Kitty's blood was also starting to turn cold where it had soaked the fabric.
It was a struggle to breathe, but he couldn't cry.
"I-" was all he managed to croak out to Cali. Explanation. Apology. He didn't know what to say or how to say it, and he didn't want to move, but he had to do something.
Kai had always felt like he had to do something. Now he had.
It didn't come.
Snow had melted under him and soaked through his jeans. His legs stung in the way that told him they were on the verge of going numb from cold and how he was sitting. His shirt stuck to his skin. Kitty's blood was also starting to turn cold where it had soaked the fabric.
It was a struggle to breathe, but he couldn't cry.
"I-" was all he managed to croak out to Cali. Explanation. Apology. He didn't know what to say or how to say it, and he didn't want to move, but he had to do something.
Kai had always felt like he had to do something. Now he had.
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
California had stopped looking, unable to bear watching the end of her friends life. It was complicated and difficult to process all the emotions that swirled like a storm in her chest. In the end, despite the fact she knew for a long time that there was only one outcome, it still hurt to see it all be settled.
The hunt was over.
Kai seemed shellshocked as he knelt in the snow and stared at the body that used to be their friend. The warmth that distinguished a live body from a dead one slowly drained away from Kitty as the body continued to lie in the snow.
There was a word, or an attempt at beginning one from Kai, but then he settled into an uncomfortable silence. All California could hear was the occasional chirp of a bird and his ragged breathing.
So she reached out, took Kai’s head in her arms and pulled him in close to her chest.
“You did the right thing,” She whispered soothingly as she held him tight, making sure she was there for him.
After all, she was the oldest.
The hunt was over.
Kai seemed shellshocked as he knelt in the snow and stared at the body that used to be their friend. The warmth that distinguished a live body from a dead one slowly drained away from Kitty as the body continued to lie in the snow.
There was a word, or an attempt at beginning one from Kai, but then he settled into an uncomfortable silence. All California could hear was the occasional chirp of a bird and his ragged breathing.
So she reached out, took Kai’s head in her arms and pulled him in close to her chest.
“You did the right thing,” She whispered soothingly as she held him tight, making sure she was there for him.
After all, she was the oldest.