The Holly and the Heavens

[Cicada]

The kick had definitely been intended to hurt. Vindictive, but fair play. Ash was only sure a rib hadn't been cracked when the current of the taser began to dissipate. Less a violent eruption of all her muscles trying to cramp in a way no bad time of the month could compare, more... well, the comparison had already written itself with that one.

Ash was able to stand. Barely. It was like she'd overtaxed every muscle to failure. A good workout, but in this case there was no gain, only losses.

Still, she could grin. The same way one typically did when profuse with self-loathing, a reflexive ward against further criticism. 'No need to kick me, I've already done it on my own behalf'. A wasted gesture, really. The kicking had already been done, and Ash in a way invited it. She'd fucked up, no two ways about it, and she had only escaped further consequences through another's decision making, entirely out of her own control.

That wouldn't be happening again in the future. What was it she'd told herself? She was ending it on her own terms, as sure as she was ending it.

"Shit, you alright?"

She obviously hadn't seen what had landed Juanita on the floor, but if those fuckers had touched her... Well, Ash was good at keeping score, so she liked to think. Ash hobbled over. Hobbled was putting it strongly, it took all she had to take a step without collapsing onto herself like a star gone supernova, sputtering out like a candle in the same breath. Still, she was built better than that. She made it the rest of the way in time to offer a useless helping hand- take it and the deck of cards would indeed become a game of Jenga.

[Gundham]

"Shit, you alright?" Ash asked.

Juanita nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."

She wasn't just putting a brave spin on it. Banging into the wall hadn't exactly been fun, but aside from the initial jolt of the impact and the subsequent whoof of getting the air knocked out of her, she was, in fact, fine. No damage. In fact, there didn't really seem to be any pain at all. Her heart was racing, her breaths were shallow and rapid, but nothing actually hurt. And that was unsettling.

Juanita couldn't remember the last time she had fallen over. There had maybe been a sag or a slump during physio, but, like, actually tipping off balance and falling down? No way she'd done that in years. Not since she'd torn her ACL, at least, and however long before that. These days, her balance was sacrosanct. She walked with incalculable precision on rainy days, kept a keen eye out for wet floors. Because just one fall, just one slip, just one bad twist in the wrong direction, and she'd be in a world of hurt. But here she was, on the floor, feeling no pain at all.

Adrenaline spike? Had to be. Those action-packed few seconds must have... ignited something in her, or something. All that competitive spirit, all that fire in her gut that had been lying dormant for a long time. She could still feel the impact from hitting that guy, the way it felt to make contact with him, to shove him back. To feel, just for that fleeting second, like she was back on the lacrosse pitch, putting everything she had into coming out on top.

She ignored Ash's hand and dug the tip of the haladie into the floor to push herself up. Her leg felt a bit unsteady, but she stood just fine.

"Well... That sucked."

Normally, she'd have said a silent prayer here, thanks for surviving the close call. She used to do that, every time she nearly had a traffic accident, or narrowly avoided something bad. A little recognition, just, Hey, that bad thing could have happened, but it didn't - thanks, God! But she was too wired to think straight. Besides, God didn't seem like He'd reward prayers of thanks for not getting yourself killed by the people you were trying to murder.

Her mouth and lips felt odd, twitchy. She wanted to bare her teeth and snarl at someone, anyone. She wanted to go running out of here, chase down Aracelis and her friend and have a go for round two, or find someone else and just hit them, as hard as she could.

Juanita shook her head, trying to put those thoughts out of mind. Took a look at Ash. Yeesh. That taser had done a number on her. "What about you? How bad is... you?" Her thoughts felt scattered, hard to put together. "If you can walk, we should try an-"

The pain hit her in midsentence - A lightning bolt, straight through the knee. Her leg seized, but mercifully didn't buckle. She bit her lip, clenched a fist to try and will the pain away.

She'd been about to say that they should try and head back, but that clearly wasn't happening. Not any time soon. "No... screw it... We'd be sitting ducks out there trying to limp back. Let's just stay here for a bit. Lick our wounds."

[Cicada]

Tough bitch. There was a difference between remembering why you'd been attracted to someone and actually seeing it play out in front of you. Memories weren't reliable- eyeballs a little more. Both about as fragile.

"Yep. I fucked it up, that's on me."

She tried to force herself to stand straight. Pride was one among her probably many sins, but no amount of demanding she made of her muscles did the trick- they, temporarily, could no longer flex into the shape she asked of them. It felt a bit like a fetal position, which she supposed would be a warm up for her inevitable death repose.

"Yeah, don't think we're good for it..." A scoff. "Group's probably going to fall apart in our absence. Or become Dani's harem, or whatever." Who knew which of the two fates was the worse.

Ash silently brooded in place, her dark eyes searching. In her mind's eye, for the spot deeper within the small building with better shelter from the cold. But on some level she of course knew she just didn't want to look Juanita in the eye while she was still stinging from their defeat. Literally.

[Gundham]

Juanita rested on her elbows on the desk, leaning in to try and take some weight off the leg. Another lance of pain hit, evoking a hiss of pain.

"Gah..." She shut her eyes and took a deep breath, then another. Pushing through the pain. "Nah, it wasn't your fault. It was... a lot of stuff. We'll figure out the group stuff later. Dani can't seduce all of them, can she?"

Juanita took another deep breath, trying to block everything out. Her mind slipped into Monday-morning quarterback mode, rewinding her mental tape of the fight and breaking it down bit by bit. It was an old habit, one she'd picked up during lacrosse. A way of transforming the failures, repurposing them into things she could use, things that could make her better.

Okay. Analyze, figure out where you went wrong, figure out how to get it right for the next time. She shouldn't have followed so closely behind Ash. Next time, they'd space it out a bit. What else? They should have blown through the doors earlier, she'd hesitated too much. Be more decisive next time. Commit. Okay, good. Other errors. Think, think. Oh. Big one, she should have reacted more quickly, dodged around Ash when she fell. Then she could've gone for the stab instead of the push.

Yeah, the stab instead of the push. That was important, for next time. Because there was definitely going to be a next time. It was going to take a lot of mental retraining. She kept wanting to use the haladie like a lacrosse stick, a pole instead of a spear. Had to get used to the idea of thrusting instead of pushing. Fix that. Go over it again and again, rehearse the movements. Move the arms like this, not like that. Put your weight here and here, so there'll be enough force. Stab forward, but be ready to retract. She went through the whole encounter moment by moment, picking out all the little things, all the bad choices that had contributed to the defeat. When she looked at it all together, it was a miracle that they hadn't been killed. If Aracelis and her friend had attacked instead of fleeing, it would have been over. They couldn't afford to make mistakes like this again.

Next time, they'd have a plan from the outset. They'd take the time to prepare. Maybe come up with a codeword that meant "Go time" so that they could attack in sync. They'd been really lucky this time, but things were only going to get more tense from here. That luck wouldn't hold much longer.

And that wasn't the only worry. Ash was right, the group was going to fall apart in their absence. If they didn't make it back by morning announcements, the others would at least know that Ash and Juanita hadn't been killed, but nothing else. They might think that the two of them had ditched out, or something. And if Ash and Juanita came back empty-handed, that'd be even worse. If they didn't strut into that church with new members in tow or blood on their hands, then what? The group would say that they'd wasted a bunch of time and energy on nothing. They'd think that the team structure - and Juanita as its architect - couldn't do anything for them. What would stop them from splitting off, from becoming the cult of Dani? What would stop them from ganging up on her, taking the haladie and leaving Juanita alone to die?

No. She wasn't going to let that happen. This was her only shot at survival, and she wasn't going to be weak enough to let it slip away. She and Ash would rest up, and they'd prepare. And when they were ready, they'd take the fight to anyone and everyone who stood in their way. That was the only option here.

((Juanita Reid and Ash Graves continued in The Fool Was Her))