Danielle Bird

[TheLordOfAwesome]

Name: Danielle “Dani” Bird
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Grade: Senior
School: John Endecott Memorial Academy
Hobbies and Interests: Cheerleading, singing, acting, opera and musicals, fashion, cosplay, volleyball

Appearance: Danielle stands at 5’7”, weighing in at 145 lbs. She possesses a rather fit body that she carefully tries to maintain with the proper diet and exercise. She has an hourglass figure with a larger than average bust size, thin waist, and full hips and thighs. Ethnically Danielle is Caucasian with smooth, alabaster skin that is free of blemishes. Her face is diamond-shaped, with a dainty nose, almond-shaped eyes that are bright green in color, heart-shaped lips, and thin, neatly trimmed, rounded, low-arch eyebrows. She has straight, silky, shoulder blade-length, black colored hair that she tends to style in a variety of ways, though it is rare for her to keep a style any longer than a week. Generally she seems to favor putting her hair into a ponytail more often than other hairstyles.

Danielle has an extensive wardrobe, generally favoring clothes that emphasize or show off her figure. Many of Danielle’s clothes are designer brands, and she is proud to show them off as a status symbol. She likes to wear lots of jewelry, more often than not wearing several bracelets, necklaces, and rings on any given day. More recently Danielle has taken a liking to wearing suits as a permanent staple of her wardrobe, with at least four suits that are custom-tailored to accentuate her body. She regularly wears a full face of makeup, often leaning towards a natural look but also greatly favors eyeshadow and lipstick that help accentuate her eyes and her lips, respectfully. She has two earlobe piercings, for which she has several different earrings that she trades out to go along with her outfits.

On the day of the abduction, Danielle was wearing a black genuine leather jacket over a red sleeveless, low cut tank top, black cutoff shorts over black tights, and a pair of black Brunello Cucinelli suede and techno fabric sneakers with black half-socks. She also wore two small hoop earrings, six bracelets (three on each arm), and two gold chain necklaces.

Biography: Danielle was born in Boston, Massachusetts to Donovan O’Hara, the multimillionaire CEO of O’Hara Holdings, and Regina Bird, a former pornographic actress more commonly known by her stage name Alexis Divine. Danielle was born out of wedlock after a casual sexual encounter between Donovan and Regina resulted in pregnancy. Several months after the encounter, Regina contacted Donovan to inform him of her pregnancy. Coming from a more traditional family and not wanting to weather the criticism from his family members about his bastard child, Donovan approached Regina with the offer that he would marry her and help raise the child on the condition she retire from pornography. Though her friends and family were against the idea of marriage at the cost of giving the career that she not only enjoyed, but was also popular and in enough demand to have a significant amount of money to her own name that she could comfortably raise her child on her own, she ultimately relented to the offer feeling that her child deserved to grow up living with both parents. Danielle was born on August 15th, 2003, and three months later Donovan and Regina officially married, though Regina opted to keep her maiden name and assigned Danielle her surname rather than her father’s, a detail that she managed to work into the deal with Donovan.

Though initially marrying to avoid a controversy amongst Donovan’s family, the resulting union proved to be rather unpopular with his more conservative family due to his child not only being conceived out of wedlock but also that the woman he impregnated and decided to marry was a well-known pornographic actress during this time period. At home the newly married couple was far from happy as Regina was resentful as she found herself in a family that largely wrote her off as a gold-digger. The home life of the family didn’t really improve as husband and wife were both unhappy and cheated on each other often, only really staying together for the sake of their child. Despite the less than happy circumstances, the two did their best to raise their daughter and make sure she had a good life. Both Donovan and Regina genuinely loved their daughter, and slowly, over time, their mutual love for their child managed to get the two of them to be more accepting of the other though they never quite learned to love each other at the best of times and the problem of adultery was still a constant factor in the relationship.

Danielle was a rather sweet, charismatic child that could attract friends easily amongst her fellow children. Her parents, despite their wealth, chose not to spoil their daughter so as to avoid making her feel entitled to anything she wanted. They promoted that Danielle work to get what she wanted, teaching her to always strive to do her best. Though often Donovan would insist that she was better than other people, and that she should pride herself in being the daughter of a wealthy family as he was overcompensating about the circumstances of her birth. This upbringing helped build a sense of independence and confidence in Danielle, and with the encouragement of her parents, helped plant the seeds of a growing ego. Her interests as a child veered towards the more girly, enjoying things like dolls, princesses, and makeup.

Growing up, Danielle loved both her parents, but she especially adored her father. Though her father was a busy man who at the time was monitoring his various assets in the New England region — including the regional Kraken Bar & Grill restaurant chain and the Waverly Family Automotive car dealership chain — he always did his best to spend what time he could with her, showing her unconditional love despite the circumstances of her birth. Her relationship with her mother was just as loving, but more present compared to her father. Regina helped enforce good body positivity into her daughter at a young age and helped build her self-confidence. Another significant influence in Danielle’s life was her grandmother from her mother’s side who lived in nearby Boston, Freda Bird. A first-generation immigrant to the United States from Germany, Freda was once an opera singer before she retired in her mid-fifties. Freda was a very loving grandmother to Danielle and was considered by Danielle in her childhood to be her best friend. She would often give Danielle gifts and sweets throughout her childhood, but most importantly, would help foster Danielle’s future interests. Freda would teach Danielle how to sing, and through singing help the young girl develop a love for opera and musical theater in general. Danielle loved to sing and through her grandmother’s help she became quite good, and her grandmother even taught her how to speak Italian and German. Even as she grew older, she still remained remarkably close with her grandmother.

During her elementary school years she was a generally pleasant child to be around, making a lot of friends who were drawn to her natural charisma. Her grades were also pretty good, in part due to her parents encouraging her to do the best she can do and in part due to them hiring private tutors to help her improve. Her good grades caused her teachers to give her plenty of praise, which only served to fuel her steadily growing ego. In general, her elementary school years passed uneventfully.

Things changed during her middle school years. Due to her affluent upbringing she attended private schools growing up, and her entry into middle school saw her become the victim of bullying by the other children seemingly for arbitrary reasons as they deemed her an easy target, making fun of her interests and appearance, and in her later years of middle school as the increasingly hormonal children who were going through puberty would objectify her and make sexual comments at her to bother her. It was a distressing time for Danielle, who was also going through puberty and was only just understanding sexuality. It was around this time she was beginning to understand her own parents’ sexual promiscuity with their adultery, which coupled with the bullying and objectification she was suffering at the time only served to make her more uncomfortable in regards to sexuality, especially when she began to develop her newfound attraction to boys. Eventually she would receive the Talk from Regina about puberty and sexuality, and even gained some newfound insight on her mother’s former occupation. Any and all questions she had were answered truthfully and Danielle came to understand what was going on with her. This newfound understanding of sexuality and the bullying she suffered during her middle school years left her with a distinct seething hatred for slutshaming or what she perceived to be slutshaming.

Entering high school, Danielle insisted she be enrolled into a public school to potentially avoid the people who tormented her during middle school. Sympathizing with her troubles and respecting her request but not wanting for her to settle for less than she was worth, her parents enrolled her into the private school turned public school, John Endecott Memorial Academy, under the impression that the school’s history as a former private school would provide a superior quality education and faculty that normal public schools would lack. Around this time her father would give her a credit card as he believed she was responsible to manage her own money, though with the caveat that should she underperform in school for extended periods of time he’d cut her off until she got her grades back up. She would usually spend this money on buying clothes or gifts for friends, and very later on in her life, using it to fund her hobbies. Danielle would enjoy her freshman year at John Endecott and, fortunately, she didn’t get the negative attention that plagued her in middle school, but she gained a whole different kind of attention.

As she grew older, her budding maturity caused her own natural beauty to be more apparent. Her looks managed to attract the attention of a few admirers, which helped boost her own self-esteem greatly, with the praise often going to her head. She would seek out this positive attention to her appearance, becoming increasingly interested in fashion and makeup to help emphasize her physical features, reading up on fashion magazines to find the best outfits that suited her, very much convinced she was the most beautiful girl in the school. She would date a few boys during this time but these relationships would be short-lived, as she wouldn’t develop any strong emotional attachment to the boys she was dating outside the immediate attention and affection she would gain. In addition to her looks helping with her popularity, her kindness and generosity to her friends only helped enamour people to her more. She was compassionate and always willing to help those who came to her for help or give them advice if they needed it, while also spending a vast amount of money freely to purchase gifts for those she was closest to. However, this kindness and generosity came with a certain expectation that she was to be liked and she developed an entitlement to popularity as she felt that she was so much of an amazing friend to deserve it. While she never outright demanded attention from others, she craved the admiration and attention from people.

During the late freshman and early sophomore years of high school she began to develop some insecurity about herself. While her popularity was a result of her natural charisma, she none-the-less believed that her looks and her money were what got her the popularity she craved and she felt as though her money was only because of her father and her looks were only because of her mother. What she wanted was for a talent of her's to be her's and not something she felt like she inherited. She pursued greater socialization amongst her peers, gathering a significant number of friends and hangers-on. She joined a few clubs and teams, including the cheer team, volleyball team, the school choir, the drama club, and the fashion club in her pursuits to expand her talents and attract more attention to herself. While she struggled to balance all these activities at first, she persevered and soon managed to get an equilibrium for her various hobbies. However, more often than not balancing so many activities while maintaining her grades is a very stressful endeavor and her days are often full. Despite the stress and how much time it consumes in her days, she still manages to persevere and prides herself — often very vocally — at being able to manage all her different clubs and teams. The hobby she still most adored was her singing abilities and she would still practice with her grandmother when she could. Danielle realized that her biggest dream after high school was to go into a career as a professional opera singer and strived to improve her singing, while also enthusiastically signing up for any musical role in productions put on by the drama club.

Her goal of becoming an opera singer was part of the reason why she joined both the cheer team and the volleyball. The choice of sports was to help keep her body in both performing shape and in good shape, though her choice in joining the cheer team was also influenced by her need for attention and the notion that cheerleaders were among the more popular students in high school helped influence her decision. On these teams she would, of course, always push herself to do her best and in time would consider herself one of the better members of the team, if not better than the rest of her teammates. In addition to this physical exercise, she would take up a rather strict diet — one that required she not consume alcohol, dairy, coffee, salty foods, spicy foods, citrus or bananas, as all of those foods could dry out vocal cords and cause flem buildup. But physical activities and a strict diet wasn’t enough for her, as she also engages in rigorous singing practice everyday to train her voice.

Joining the drama club was a natural choice to her as she felt that was a very basic step to achieving her long term goal. She’d join various productions held by the school, especially musicals as that was one of her favorite genres and it would allow her to show off her singing talents. While within the club she held herself up with a rather grandiose disposition, acting almost larger than life and always fixing to be the center of attention even there. As far as she was concerned, she was the biggest star in the school and thus deserved the leading roles over the other drama club members. This sort of behavior on her part only served to grate on her fellow club members as they were forced to put up with Dani’s more primadonna tendencies while acting in the club.

The fashion club also proved to be a good social outlet for Dani, as it allowed her to indulge in conversation about her favorite brands, such as Givenchy and Brunello Cucinelli. While in this club she learned various fashion trends and put this knowledge to good use, expanding her wardrobe and getting new clothes at the recommendations of her peers. In addition, she was eager to give out her own fashion advice, helping her clubmates find suitable outfits for themselves.

She was known to be rather fun-loving, attending various parties and throwing quite a few herself. Her parties are often rather large and extravagant due to the amount of money she tends to sink into them, and as the host she tends to put herself front and center of the action to make sure her classmates could know who was responsible for the good time and to flaunt her wealth. Her parents are largely tolerant of these parties she throws, feeling that they are ultimately good for her own socialization and public standing amongst the student body and allow her to hold them so long as she gives them advanced notice.

Around her junior year, she would start developing an interest in cosplay. At first, she would post pictures of herself on Instagram, trying to entice viewers with sexually suggestive social media posts, but soon came upon the notion that she could reach a greater audience by wearing a wig, a costume, and some choice filters. Her early efforts at cosplay were awkward as she didn’t know what exactly she needed to do, but she consulted with her friends who were more familiar with the practice to get a grasp on the hobby. Her cosplaying efforts would largely focus on characters that she considered “hot”, with many of her choices being largely mainstream characters, such as ones from the anime My Hero Academia and Attack on Titan. As a result of this hobby she developed a casual knowledge on anime, video games, and comic books as her repertoire of costumes grew over time and can reasonably keep up with any conversations about the subjects. She doesn’t build her outfits, but rather orders them and usually makes sure they are coming from a quality source. She does her own makeup when cosplaying, and has gotten a sizable collection of wigs that she takes the time to style to fit the current cosplay she is doing. In early spring of 2020 Danielle would cosplay as the character Rip Van Winkle from the manga/anime Hellsing, and the experience would have Danielle find herself thinking she looked good wearing a well-tailored, form-fitting suit. While she had something of interest in wearing a suit from her exposure to the fashion club, she never truly indulged in this interest until this point. She would begin wearing expensive designer suits, cut in a way to accentuate her body and give her a striking and unique appearance. The 2020 COVID-19 pandemic would see Danielle invest more time into her cosplaying hobby as quarantine restrictions forced her to remain at home. Without a steady stream of admirers she could physically interact with, she began to be filled with anxiety and desperately turned to online attention to ease her own anxiousness and to fuel her ego, building up her online following to a little over 2k followers by the fall.

Overall, Danielle is a friendly, outgoing girl, but one who is tremendously egocentric and with a pathological need for attention. She is easy enough to get along with, but her ego and attention-seeking habits can grate on many people. Regardless, she remains rather popular and is loving towards her friends. Her relationship is still really positive with her parents and she loves them both dearly, though her habit of overspending the amount of money she is given has caused her father to more than once threaten to withhold her credit card if she doesn’t reign herself in.

Academically, she does exceedingly well in high school and is incredibly ambitious. She always strives to do her best and excels at almost all of her classes, as she makes sure to study for them and makes sure her assignments are in on time. She struggles somewhat with science classes, but she still makes an effort to get at least passing grades. Her best classes are Theater and PE, the former of which gets her most attention as she strives to perform at her best in any situation. While she plans to go to college after high school, she isn’t sure what she wants to attend but what she does know is that she wants to get a bachelor's degree in music theory or music performance and has been narrowing her choices based on that. Ultimately her end goal is to become an opera star and all post-high school actions she is considering in any seriousness is to reach that goal.

Danielle knows how to drive, and currently drives a 2021 Mercedes-Benz A-Class. Because of this she is often willing to act as a ride for her friends if the need comes up, often insisting that she do the driving. She has no form of employment, instead living off her father's money. Because of this, she is rather irresponsible with her money and freely spends large quantities of it on whatever catches her eye; be it new clothes, accessories, or things that go with her hobbies.

Advantages: Danielle is in good physical shape due to years of participating in cheerleading and volleyball, and is reasonably intelligent. She is charismatic and popular so she’ll likely be able to make a few allies on the island and can navigate social situations with ease. Her own self-centeredness may cause her to prioritize her own survival and well-being over others.
Disadvantages: Her own pathological need for attention and socialization is her biggest hindrance, most likely causing her to latch onto whatever allies even if it would be detrimental to do so. In addition, her rather massive ego could damage her relations with prospective allies and alienate herself from someone who would be useful to align herself with.

[Ruggahissy]

Hello, Burn! I'll be your moder-diddly-oderator for this profile. Danielle isn't quite ready to go yet, but with some fixes and changes, we can get there. Follow me to the critique section.


“Her face is smooth and diamond shaped, with a dainty nose, almond shaped eyes that are bright green in color, heart shaped lips, and thin, neatly trimmed, rounded low arch eyebrows.”

- We get that her face is smooth in the previous sentence, so we probably don’t need it twice back to back. Also should be “diamond-shaped,” “almond-shaped,” “heart-shaped,” and “rounded, low-arch eyebrows.”

“She has straight, silky, shoulder blade length …”

- “Shoulder blade-length.”

“Generally she seems to favor putting her hair into a ponytail more often than other hair styles.”

- “Hairstyles” is one word.

Danielle’s abduction outfit seems inappropriate given that the pregame is happening in the fall in Massachusetts. I’m afraid the school might send her home out of fear of being liable for her having some kind of weather-related health issue.

Ok! Time for the profile.

“Regina contacted Donovan to inform him of her pregnant status.”

- “Pregnant status” reads a bit strange. Maybe just “pregnancy.”

“Regina opted to keep her maiden name and assigned Danielle her surname rather than her father’s.”

- Why?

“Regina was a well known pornographic actress”

- “Well-known.”

I think some of the mom and dad’s professional lives and this scandal is giving me pause. He’s the CEO of a company that owns a local chain of bar and grills and a regional car dealership. That doesn’t seem like someone people would care enough about for their union to be a scandal or for the mother to be hounded by the press or called a gold-digger by the media. If it was a scandal among his personal circle of friends and family, sure. Someone at the level that Donovan is at wouldn’t be a blip to anyone other than maybe the town’s local newspaper. I would like to know what level of fame Regina is at. If anything ,I would think perhaps her family and friends would be against the marriage since he was making her leave a career she enjoyed and was (possibly?) quite successful in. If it was something that paid well and she liked, she probably could have made enough to support herself and a child.

“…the home life of the family didn’t really improve as husband and wife were both unhappy and cheated on each other often.”

- Is there a reason they don’t divorce if they’re so unhappy together?

“This upbringing helped build a sense of independence and confidence in Danielle, and with the encouragement of her parents, helped plant the seeds of a growing ego.”

- Maybe I’m misunderstanding, but I’m not sure how teaching her hard work and responsibility results in an ego unless, again, I’m misunderstanding this as self-confidence or something similar.

Does Freda live nearby? I’m not totally sure if it would be feasible for Danielle to learn German, French, and Spanish just from opera, especially since most operas are in Italian – which is notably missing from this list. Not all operas, granted, but a large number.

Moving on to Danielle’s middle school years, I’m not sure if it would be super realistic for children to specifically know the name or identity (or their families to mention it to them) of a porn actress of unknown level of fame who has been retired for over a decade. The majority of porn actors are not very widely known by the general public and this is a fairly metropolitan area.

“She would date a few boys during this time but these relationships would be short lived”

- Should be “short-lived.”

“Her looks not only helped make her popular among her classmates, but also due to her kindness and generosity to her friends.”

- This is a bit awkwardly phrased.

“During the late freshman and early sophomore years of high school she began to develop some in-security about herself.”

-Should be “insecurity.”

“While her looks and her money could get her the popularity she craved, she felt as though her money was only because of her father and her looks were only because of her mother.”

- I thought she was popular and that it was due in part to her charisma?

- I know it says that she found equilibrium between all these activities but she’s currently on two sports teams and three clubs while also having to maintain her grades. Does this cause her stress? Are her days very full?

- Since she’s sleeping with quite a few people, it seems, is she practicing safe sex? Has this lead to any issues among her classmates or family?

“…find herself thinking she looked good wearing a well-tailed, form fitting suit.”

- Is this supposed to be well-tailored? "Formfitting” is one word.

Where is she getting these cosplays from? I assume she’s not making them. What level is she cosplaying at currently? Is she styling her own wigs, getting them done, or just wearing shake-and-go bag wigs? Did she learn cosplay makeup? Who does she cosplay as besides Rip Van Winkle? Is she a part of the cosplay community on the internet? Does she only do it for the ‘gram or does she go to any events? How big is her following, since it says she has many admirers?

- It says she came to like tailored suits from her cosplay, but is this something she hasn’t encountered before as part of her membership in the fashion club?

“While she plans to go to college after high school, she isn’t sure what she wants to attend. Ultimately her end goal is to become an opera star and all post-high school actions she is considering in any seriousness is to reach that goal.”

- Opera singers typically need a bachelor’s degree, most commonly in music, music performance, or music theory.

There has been talk throughout this profile about her big ego, but I don’t feel like I’ve really gotten the sense that she’s very egotistical. She seems like a nice person who craves attention because, it seems, she doesn’t see her parents as much and just wants acceptance from the years of bullying. She seems more at the whims of pleasing people than being full of herself of haughty.

Having got to the end of this profile, it didn’t seem like there was a lot of information on the following hobbies: cheer, volleyball, modeling, acting, fashion. The most I know about her fashion hobby is that she is part of the fashion club, she likes nice clothes, and suits. What kind of fashions does she like otherwise? Any specific designers? Does she read fashion magazines? How does this hobby manifest?

For the two sports, we just get that she is currently doing them. When did she start doing them and why does she like them?

In modeling, it seems not to come up at all – unless you meant the pictures she takes for Instagram. I don’t know if I would classify that as modeling and would probably put that under the “cosplay” umbrella.

How is her relationship with her parents now? Are they ok with things like the huge parties she throws and the huge allowance she gets given that in her childhood they wanted her to work for things? It says they purposefully would not give her whatever she wanted to teach her the value of earning things yourself. Why did this change over the years to the point where she can be pretty reckless with money?


That's it! Give me a shout when this is ready for another review.

[TheLordOfAwesome]

Hi! I've made the requested changes! Let me know if I missed anything or if anything needs to be adjusted!

[Ruggahissy]

Apologies for the long wait. We are getting there! A few more things though:

“Danielle was born out of wedlock after a paid sexual encounter between Donovan and Regina resulted in pregnancy.”

- I’m not sure why this detail was added since it doesn’t seem to change the profile significantly or Danielle’s life and it introduces additional questions. If Regina is so happy with her pornography career, accepting payment for sex or engaging in prostitution could endanger that career. There’s a possibility she would be in trouble within her industry if she’s arrested for prostitution. Is this something she does regularly? Does Donovan regularly hire prostitutes? If either, one would think they would be smarter and able to prevent an accidental pregnancy. I think it was perfectly fine before with no specific mention of how they met exactly.

“Coming from a more traditional family and not wanting to weather the criticism from his family members or be hounded by the local media about his bastard child,”

- Again, I don’t think there would be a ton of media attention for someone who owns a chain of restaurants and a car dealership.

“Danielle was a rather sweet, charismatic child that could attract friends easily amongst her fellow children. Her parents, despite their wealth, chose not to spoil their daughter so as to avoid making her feel entitled to anything she wanted. They promoted that Danielle work to get what she wanted, teaching her to always strive to do her best. Though often Donovan would insist that she was better than other people, and that she should pride herself in her heritage.”

- I’m a bit confused here. This telling Danielle that she’s better than others doesn’t have much to do with the previous points of her being sweet and hard working. What heritage is this a reference to? Her German grandparents? Her father’s restaurant and car businesses?

“Danielle loved to sing and through her grandmother’s help she became quite good, and her grandmother even taught her how to speak Italian, German, French, and Spanish. Even as she grew older, she still remained remarkably close with her grandmother.”

- I’m glad that Italian is now included since it’s the main language of opera but this is still a lot of languages to learn. Learning a language takes a lot of time and effort. My own grandmother didn’t speak English and took care of me as a kid. From that I learned some Spanish, but I did have to make a concentrated effort as well, and that was only for one language. I could believe German as that’s Freda’s first language and maybe some Italian but for the others, I think there would have to be a lot more expansion on her study of languages (this seems to be the first and only mention of her knowing all of these languages) or else their removal.

“ In her later years of middle school the increasingly hormonal children who were going through puberty would objectify her and call her a whore.”

- “Whore” is a bit blunt and also specific. I think it’s unfortunately realistic that cruel boys might comment on a girl sexually in middle school if she has a certain body type. Maybe more descriptive, catchalls like making sexual comments at her to bother her or something might be more accurate.

“Entering high school, Danielle insisted she be enrolled into a public school to potentially avoid the people who tormented her during middle school.”

- I’m not sure sure about this because why would they not opt for just a different private school if they are so wealthy?

“Around this time her father would start giving her a rather sizable allowance of a thousand dollars a week as he believed she was responsible to manage her own money, though with the caveat that should she underperform in school for extended periods of time he’d cut her off until she got her grades back up.”

- This is a lot of money. I’m again unsure how much money it is they have and what is she spending $4,000 a month on?

“ The choice of sports was to help keep her body in both performing shape and in appealing shape”

- Maybe just “good shape” instead of “appealing shape” since that implies it’s kind of only for the benefit of people looking at her and it seems like she does it for herself.

“she nonetheless believed that her looks and her money were what could get her the popularity she craved and she felt as though her money was only because of her father and her looks were only because of her mother.”

- Again, I thought she was already popular at this point?

A quick question about her attending and throwing parties. Does she also make sure to avoid things like drinking, smoking or junky foods that would be present at these things so as not to jeopardize her voice?

“All this casual sex has given her a reputation of being rather “loose” with her affections, though because of her popularity not many are willing to mock her publicly about it or particularly care what she chooses to do with her own personal relationships.”

- I think the terminology of “loose” is a bit informal here. Maybe that she has a reputation for being very sexually active? Also assigning what people do or don’t care about is kind of unknowable to her or the profile writer. You can say that some don’t mock her because she is popular, but going into what they care about is a bit in-depth.

“ At first, she would post pictures of herself on Instagram, trying to entice viewers with “thirst trap” social media posts,”

- Thirst trap might also be a bit too informal.

“Regardless, she remains rather popular and is loving towards her friends, even if she expects them to show love towards her in return for her friendship.”

- This seems like how friendship normally works. You love people and they love you back. Does not seem unusual or unreasonable.

“While she plans to go to college after high school, she isn’t sure what she wants to attend. Ultimately her end goal is to become an opera star and all post-high school actions she is considering in any seriousness is to reach that goal.”

- Covered this in my last critique, but if she wants to be an opera singer she needs a bachelors degree in music theory or music performance.

Ok! That’s second round. No more grammar things to take care of and I do want to note that I think it’s really really cool that she has an opera hobby courtesy of her grandma. I think that’s a very unique hobby that takes dedication.

I think maybe some tone changes and some of the expansions here (how wealthy are these folks exactly, for example) and she should be ok. Let me know if you need help and give a shout when these are done!

[TheLordOfAwesome]

ALRIGHT!!!!

I think I got everything covered. I trimmed off an entire paragraph regarding Dani's sexual history as Sunny made a great point to me that it doesn't quite make sense for Dani's character when she has a bunch of other outlets for attention. If she does have sex, it likely is not that important to include an entire paragraph dedicated to it, I feel.

I also had a bit of trouble figuring out how much money her family would actually have and my research hasn't done much to help. Ultimately I assume that her father is at least a multimillionaire, but again I am unsure. As for why her allowance being so high I kinda figured rich people in general just aren't good judges as to what is too much or too little. I didn't know if that was something that should be mentioned in the profile or if it was fine being a sort of unspoken thing.

[Ruggahissy]

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