Ego Te Absolvo

[AnimeNerd]

She felt pathetic, breaking down like this. If it was in private, maybe it could be okay. No one would see. She could still be strong.

But you didn't get private here. You got cameras at every angle to see every splash of blood and puddle of gore. You have terrorist on the edge of their seats, wait for the moment you snap and tear your best friend's throat out. You see classmates wherever you look, people you've known most of your life, ready and waiting for a reason to judge you for every mistake.

That's why she had to be strong. She couldn't break. Not when waking up, faced with a murderer. Not when a girl you knew, whose father you worked with, pointed a knife at you and threw threats like candy. Not when the only comfort you could get after ending lives is a naked guy in a hot spring. And definitely not when you said whatever stupid shit that came to mind, just so you could live to see tomorrow, only to get shot at for those same words.

...but this wasn't one of those moments, though, was it?

Medea...she was nice. The kind of nice that...she hadn't even thought about getting out either of the knives. Because Medea would never hurt anybody. She recognized her, and she didn't run. She didn't scream. She didn't berate.

She stayed.

She talked.

She...she tried to comfort.

Maybe...maybe she could do this. Just once. And she could be okay again. And she could be strong again.

Jezzie took breaths - shaking, fragile breaths that felt more like gulping down air at times. She tried to get something out.

"I-I didn't want to-! I...I just-I didn't-!"hic"I don't wanna die!"

God, it sounded terrible. Even more pathetic than she'd imagined. But it was all her brain and throat gave her to work with, and so that's all Medea got before Jezzie broke further, the sobs causing her to shake and hunch over.

[TheLordOfAwesome]

Jezzie was talking, but not saying much. That was okay, Medea thought. Jezzie was scared. Very scared. Given the circumstances, this may be the first time she had gotten a chance to process and vent in a long time. No one would have wanted to be here even if they were given a choice. That just left a bunch of scared kids, with different reactions to the situations. Medea understood. While she was certainly disappointed that some of her classmates would kill others — especially those who did so maliciously — she couldn’t say she didn’t understand the underlying motivation for why they would do so.

Jezzie said she didn’t want to die.

Nobody ever does.

The instinctual part of her was deafeningly quiet now. Seeing Jezzie as she was… She wasn’t scared anymore. She was just concerned and worried about her classmate who made mistakes. Serious mistakes, but mistakes nonetheless.

Medea took a couple more steps forward.

“I understand,” she said gently. She reached out a hand towards Jezzie, carefully placing it upon the other girl’s shoulder. “I’m not judging you. You made mistakes. You were afraid, or angry, or both.”

[AnimeNerd]

Why was it hard to speak now? Any other time she had to talk before this, the words came out like water. Looking down at Salem, berating Barrel Girl, each boy she met at the hot spring, even the crazy girl hadn't managed to strike her silent - at least not for very long. She wanted to talk, and the fact that she couldn't made her want to scream.

Or cry more. Crying more was an option, and she wasn't sure she could turn it off right now, so she may as well go with it. Even if she hated it.

Jezzie wanted to go back to before. Before thinking about things. Detaching herself from every scene and every face she had to put on. It was easier, then. Think in the moment, you could fix everything later, everything could be fine. Everything would be fine.

It wasn't fine to see a dead girl as soon as you woke up, though.

Nor was it okay to immediately have to confront someone that probably would've tried to kill you if you weren't armed.

Threatened to leave because you helped someone.

Stabbing boys to death because you didn't want to be the next corpse a terrorist talked about.

Coming face to face with a murderer, knowing she was a murderer, and would've added you to her list if you hadn't tripped at the right time.

It all finally hit, all at once.

And when that hand touched Jezzie's shoulder, she looked up at the other girl again.

Her vision was too blurred to see more than the blonde hair on her head, but she knew what it was.

Jezzie could only let out another hiccup before she surged forward, hugging the other girl like her life depended on it. It felt like it did as her mouth said the only things her brain could come up with.

"Th-thank you, thank you, I-I just...thank you."

[TheLordOfAwesome]

Medea was caught off by the sudden hug, and left blinking in stunned confusion for a moment. After a brief moment her expression softened and she wrapped her arms around the other girl, one hand on her back and the other on the back oher head. She held her close, closing her eyes and just silently allowing Jezzie to cry into her shoulder.

She wasn’t saying much in terms of what she did or the nature of actions, but was that really important? Medea certainly didn’t think so. Judging by her reaction alone, Jezzie clearly regretted her actions even if she may or may not have had a choice. It was certainly understandable, killing another is a terrible burden to bear on one’s conscience. Even if they got out of here, everyone would be changed. Every death someone caused would be something they would carry with them for as long as they lived.

But even if some did it maliciously, Medea couldn’t bring herself to be truly angry with any of her classmates who decided to walk that path.

If she could, she'd embrace every one of them as she was with Jezzie right now.

She recalled the Parable of the Prodigal Son.

A man had two sons, and the younger of the two asked for his inheritance earlier as he was far too impatient to wait for his father’s passing. The father agreed and divided his estate to his sons. The younger son traveled to a distant land where he squandered away every bit of wealth he had, leaving him poor and destitute. Eventually after hitting his lowest point, the younger son returned home to his father who embraced him with compassion as if he had done nothing to shame him.

She could not be angry towards her classmates who took a life. She could certainly be disappointed, but she couldn’t be angry.

If she could, she’d welcome every one of her wayward classmates as that father did with his wayward son. Everyone goes through periods of darkness, and they just needed a little help finding their path once more.

How did that one Ghandi quote go? Love the sinner, hate the sin?

Something that was easier said than done, but Medea never felt she showed love and kindness because it was easy. The good Lord knows it never was. She did it because it’s the right thing to do. People may never know all the ways in which they harm one another, but to overcome it is simply a matter of seeing the humanity in someone else.

Her hug tightened on Jezzie.

“I forgive you,” Medea said, barely a whisper. “Everything you’ve said. Everything you’ve done. I forgive you.”

[AnimeNerd]

At this point, Jezzie didn't even care if it made her weak. If it made her as small and pathetic as a worm.

Because Medea wasn't letting go. Pushing her away. Telling her all the things Jezzie thought it was.

She held her closer. Said it was okay. Forgave her for the bad things.

Physically, Jezzie could only think to hold on tighter and squeeze her eyes shut. She didn't want this moment to end. Maybe if she pretended the world around them stopped moving, it really would, and she could just have this nice moment for eternity.

But...mentally, she knew what would happen. It would keep going. They would still be here. Murder Island, where if things went how the terrorists wanted, only one would survive.

She didn't know how, but she needed to make sure Medea was okay, despite it all.

People had found ways for escape before, right? That fourth one had a lot of people survive, she was pretty sure. They could do that, couldn't they? It was already clear that not everyone would get to live, but so long as some people did - as long as Medea did...she didn't think she really cared.

She was Jezzie fucking Stark. Maybe she wasn't perfect, and maybe not everything was possible on her own, but if she had a friend like Medea at her side...it would be a little closer in reach.

[TheLordOfAwesome]

It seemed like an eternity that Medea stood there embracing Jezzie. Lost in the moment, sharing warmth with her to provide some level of comfort. Jezzie held her closer and tighter, so in Medea’s mind that meant it was working. At least ever so slightly. Medea did not know if Jezzie would ever open up about her experiences, about her actions, but Medea was fine not knowing if she could still help her.

There was still time. While they still had it, anyway. Love is patience, attention, and focus. Jezzie will open in time. Perhaps not now, not in an hour, not in a day, but eventually. All Medea could do was be there for her and maybe Jezzie will open up to her.

Medea began to push herself free from Jezzie’s grip, gently if reluctantly. She stood, smiling at the other girl as she took a step back. She held out her hand, silently beckoning for Jezzie to take it.

“I think it’s time to leave,” Medea said. “Come. We have much to do.”

[AnimeNerd]

As the seconds that felt like hours passed, she only steeled herself more and more on this plan. Both of them would get off this island. Both of them would live. They just needed to figure out the more solid details.

Medea was smart, right? Like, robotics and stuff? Did that transfer to the bombs around their necks? Could she get them off? She probably needed to practice before she even tried, though. She wouldn't try on anyone still alive, but Jezzie knew where two people were that couldn't argue with being test dummies. How hard would it be to find more? Maybe it could be cruel, but it was better than actively killing people in failed attempts to get the bomb collar off.

But they were on an island. What about that? They couldn't really do much after that, other than wait for the terrorists to visit and shoot them in the face. They needed a way off. There was a plane, but even if they fixed it, trying to fly it would just be suicide. The most anyone might know about flying would be video games, movies, and TV, and like fuck could they put their faith in someone whose claim to flying fame was landing planes without crashing them in GTA 5.

...but the plane floated. It was in the water right now, if no one had sunken it after the maps were made. They probably wouldn't be able to get it flying again, but keeping it from sinking? How hard could that be?

It wasn't perfect. There were almost definitely going to be issues here and there.

But it was the plan of Jezzie Stark, and she would make it work. No matter what.

By the time Medea pulled away, Jezzie was more collected. Not perfect, the tear tracts and red eyes were evidence enough of that, but she was able to take in a shaking breath without it turning into a sob, so it was an improvement.

She looked at the hand offered to her, then at the other girl's face.

The corner's of Jezzie's mouth turned upward, just so slightly.

"Okay."

She took the hand in her own.

[TheLordOfAwesome]

Medea’s hand wrapped around Jezzie’s, firm but gentle. She smiled at her, turning back around and leading Jezzie by the way back the way she came.

They passed the scenery in silence, taking careful steps on the uneven and jagged stones beneath them. With the snow and the slickness on them, the caution was warranted lest you fall and hurt yourself. Medea was thankful she kept her attention on her surroundings as she recalled her path back to where she left June. Soon the duo approached where Medea had parted with June.

“June!” Medea called out. “Where are you?! I have good news!”

[Maraoone]

At home, whenever June would have one of her episodes, she would retreat to her bedroom as soon as she could, plug in her earbuds, and put on a 10-hour video of TV static. The sounds filled her mind like sand between pebbles. It was easier that way, if she didn't have to think about whatever she'd just done. Hurting friends, repeating old mistakes, continuing the spiral downwards. The static would wash it all away.

June's eyes were fixated on the gray sky above them, dilated, tears starting to dry. In the background, the surf crashed against the rocky shoreline, fizzling as it retreated. Nothing else. Nothing else.

She jerked back to her senses at the sound of Medea's voice, dashed out from behind the boulder. It'd been a while. Was she hurt?

She turned the corner.

"Medea?" she shouted. "How are-"

Her stomach dropped, she stopped in her tracks.

Why did Medea have a killer in tow?

After a few seconds of silence, June came up with what she thought was the safest question to ask.

"...w-what's your good news?"

[AnimeNerd]

Jezzie followed the other girl closely. Her mind still going along the plans of how to do things. Was there anyone in their class that welded? Probably not, and it was better to assume the negative than be disappointed with reality. Were there other ways to fix the plane up, or at least keep it floating enough to sail it out of this Hell hole? Wood floats well, maybe someone had an axe that they could cut a few trees down with? Maybe they wouldn't want to part with it, but if they could agree with the plan, maybe they could add another person to the plan. Cut down a lot of trees to help the plane float more, and maybe also see if anybody has oars or something, because it was fucking cold out here and rowing with their hands right now is absolutely make them lose a finger or tw-

Wait.

"J-June?"

It was mainly a whisper, but the name left her mouth just as the girl in question appeared.

It was not often that Jezzie froze like a deer under the spotlight, but when she did, it was something she wasn't good at hiding under good circumstances. And these weren't even neutral circumstances.

Her face was a bit paler. Most of her body tensed up. The only reason why she kept walking was Medea pulling her along.

Planning to potentially team up with someone who had an axe was one thing. A hypothetical. Something she could at least prepare for if something went wrong. And this, meanwhile?

She didn't know this was happening until it happened. This was something happening in real time, in front of her eyes. Absolutely no chance to prepare or plan shit.

This was one of Medea's friends. Probably a good one. One that could be overprotective in a place like this. One that could see Jezzie as a threat. And someone that, honestly? She wasn't sure if she could beat in a fight. Fat may make her slower, but that shit had weight, didn't it? That's why sumo wrestlers were a thing. June could probably football tackle her and break her pelvis or something.

There was technically the option to make this situation better, but the mental exhaustion of the pity party wiped out most of her energy there. The fact that she mustered up enough to keep any stupid words from slipping out of her mouth was a miracle. Didn't mean the stupid meme that popped into her brain was any less true.

'Oh ho ho, I'm in danger.'

[TheLordOfAwesome]

Medea smiled delightfully as June reemerged from her hiding spot after being called. Though, her smile threatened to wane when June froze in place and looked towards Jezzie. Medea looked to Jezzie who had also froze in place and had gone pale at the sight of June. Or perhaps she was always that shade and Medea hadn’t noticed? Medea pushed down the urge to laugh at her own internal joke to actually focus on the issue at hand.

What must have been like from June’s perspective?

Her friend shows up, calling for her, then when she goes to greet her, they notice that she has a person that was known to have killed someone in tow. As for Jezzie? Well, Medea didn’t exactly tell her where they were going or that they were going to meet someone.

In hindsight, Medea realized this was her bad. Probably more forethought could have been required.

Still, her smile never faltered and she gave Jezzie’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

“I found a friend.” Medea said confidently.

[Maraoone]

June didn't agree with that.

There was a bit of irony and hypocrisy, she realized, in judging Jezzie so hard for her crimes when she was this close from being in the same position. But, there was a difference between pushing someone down the stairs once versus stabbing someone forty times, as the first announcement had put it. So many of her classmates had died in so many ways, enough that she had long ago lost track of who had killed and who had been killed, something which genuinely sickened her. But she'd never forgotten how Jezzie killed Steve, how something so brutal had happened on their very first day here.

Had Medea forgotten?

Medea was trusting, and kind, and patient, and unfailingly forgiving. She was all of those things. It was her greatest strength by far, but also her biggest flaw. She was the type of person to tell a thief 'I forgive you' before he'd even finished pulling his hands out her pockets. In normal society, bad people would take kindness as vulnerability. How much more here?

The long and short of it was that she didn't trust Jezzie, not in the slightest.

But Medea did, apparently.

And, June simply didn't have the energy anymore to fight with Medea about anything. The thought of entering another drawn-out argument with her made her heartbeat quicken, her throat tighten. It was what she'd told Medea, there wasn't enough time left for them to quarrel. She'd hurt Medea so many times, and the feeling June had was that she was on her very last chance right now.

So, she went along with it.

She made the corners of her lips curve upwards.

"Welcome aboard then."

[AnimeNerd]

If she was lucky, June would tell her to leave, and she'd just be back at square one - maybe a little more sad without Medea at her side, but at least not on the edge of a breakdown. It could be worse, and she'd at least know June would keep Medea safe from dangerous people, even if the plan she had just made would have to get thrown out, but it was something.

If she wasn't lucky, this would be a fight. She didn't know either girl super well, but Jezzie knew that they were good friends, and wouldn't physically fight each other. Jezzie wasn't that level of friend, though, and with Medea being unlikely to fight period, let alone her friend, she was not only open season but all on her own if things got physical. Even worse, this wouldn't be a situation she could talk out of if she somehow DID win against June. Hurting one of Medea's best friends, right in front of her, right after she was given a chance to join them? Medea may be the nicest person ever, but even she would have her limits. At that point, she was better off taking a beating and praying to whatever God could be up there that June leaves her alive.

Medea squeezed her hand, and she squeezed right back, though more out of reflex. She appreciated it, but it ultimately didn't help much with her nerves.

But the smile on June's face did, even if it seemed a little forced.

In return, Jezzie gave her one back. Small and definitely not her best work, but it was better than nothing.

"Happy to help where I can."

[TheLordOfAwesome]

((OOC: Given permission to GM June’s actions by Mara))

Medea could tell that June wasn’t happy with the situation. It was plain to see from the forced smile on her friend’s face. Even if she was willing to follow Medea’s lead in regards to Jezzie, she didn’t doubt that if it weren’t for how things had gone between them recently that June would be giving her an ear full. She supposed that was their respective natures at play. Medea believed in taking people at their word and giving them the benefit of the doubt. Obviously, not everyone was honest or acted with good intentions, but to operate on the assumption that everyone was dishonest and malicious didn’t make the world better.

Medea wouldn’t say June was wrong, but Medea at least had the benefit of interacting with Jezzie before this point. June hadn’t seen Jezzie’s breakdown. Perhaps in time June will understand.

For now, as both June and Jezzie gave forced, uneasy smiles, Medea could be content that no more pain would be needed. At least for right now.

Time passed, the three of them talked amongst themselves. The idea of escape came up, something that Medea had implied but never outright spoken. She didn’t really say much on the matter. She had some ideas of what could be done since she had some technical skill, but until she found what she needed then it was all hypothetical. Besides, she didn’t want to get their hopes up. That and terrorists with buttons that can detonate the explosives on their necks were likely listening. Even under the assumption that those misguided souls were arrogant enough to allow open discussion and planning to escape their scenario without reprisal, Medea wasn’t willing to risk it when it.

Conversation petered out after a while and June excused herself to use the restroom and wandered off, leaving Medea and Jezzie to themselves.

Medea walked over to a small out cropping that overlooked the rocky beach, looking off into the distance again.

“You know,” Medea began, talking just loud enough for Jezzie to hopefully hear her. “I think June might not be happy with me right now. I think she partially needed an excuse to get away from me after we got back. Things had been pretty tense between us since yesterday and… I know she loves me, and I love her, but that doesn’t mean she sees eye-to-eye with me on certain… matters.”

She turned slightly, rotating her head to look at Jezzie as she said the last word.

[AnimeNerd]

Things were going fine. At least Jezzie thought as much. She was pretty sure June still didn't like the situation, but things were being kept civil, and Jezzie was willing to kiss the ground both Medea and June walked on to keep it that way. Who gave a shit about humiliation - better to live to be embarrassed than die with pride intact, if such a thing were possible.

Plus, worst comes to worst? They can bond over wanting to keep Medea safe. There was no way that could fail, right?

It felt...weird, talking about escaping. Like, this shouldn't be so easy to talk about, should it? The terrorist definitely didn't want it happening like it had in the past. She half expected an explosion just for saying the word out loud.

She hoped it was arrogance on the assholes' part. So confident in their bullshit collars and guns and whatever else they had, they didn't think a group of high school girls could outsmart them and they plans. Well, high schoolers did it before them, and like Hell was Jezzie Stark going to let anyone think she could do less than people she didn't even know the names of.

June went to pee or something, she wasn't sure, and it was just Jezzie and Medea again. Fine with her and she didn't hear Medea complain.

Well. Not about June going off on her own for a moment, anyway.

God, she was a third wheel now, wasn't she? Inserting herself between friends, not even making the situation better to make up for it. In that light, it was hard not to feel a little shitty.

But it was okay. Could still be okay. Tricycles had three wheels and they got along fine. She could make it work. She would make it work.

Starting with making this work.

Jezzie took a step closer to the other girl.

"I think you're right."

Another step.

"I know I'll probably need to work to earn her trust, and I'm willing to do what it takes."

A step.

"That way, when this is all...just a memory..."

Step.

"We'll be able to look back and know the good that came out of it."

One more.

"And hey, if there's anything bad left?"

The last step was enough, and Jezzie's arm went over the other girl's shoulders.

"That's what therapy is for."

The smile had teeth this time.

"To make sure it all works out in the end."