Lily Kemp

[NoLife]

Name: Lily Kemp
Gender: Female
Age: 19
Grade: 12th
School: Southwest Red Rock High School
Hobbies and Interests: Boxing, Working out, Fighting, Running, Taking care of her brother, Cooking, Cleaning

Appearance: Lily stands at 6 feet 4 inches and weighs 199 pounds. She sports a muscular build from years of working out and fights leaning more towards lean than bulk. Lily has broad shoulders and a moderate bust. Her skin is pale from her German heritage and her hair is black. She keeps her hair short and tends to sport a side-shaved pixie cut with swooped bangs. Lily’s eyes are very dark brown, and her facial features are sharp. Her nose is crooked from being broken several times before. Several marks and bruises litter her skin from fights both in the past and present. There is rarely ever a time when she does not have Band-Aids or bandages on her body or fists.

Despite the Vegas heat, Lily tends to wear black utilitarian clothes made for comfort and ease rather than style. At school she sports a short-sleeved shirt, a pair of black jeans and a pair of running shoes. Outside of school, Lily is mostly seen in a black hoodie, a black T-shirt, black jeans and a pair of combat boots.

Biography: Lily was born January 31th in Las Vegas to Eve Kemp and Allen Kemp, a nurse and administrative assistant respectively. Cracks were present in her parents' relationship from the start, with Lily being born so Eve could get Allen to marry her. Despite this their relationship managed to endure till Lily was five years old, in which Eve became pregnant once again, despite the fact that Allen hadn’t touched her in a year. The divorce was long and messy, with Eve gaining custody of both Lily and her new brother Robin. After the divorce was settled Allen, while still wanting to be involved in Lily’s life, wanted nothing to do with Robin. He would continue to pay child support but would also give Lily a little money to make sure she could take care of herself. Eve was happy with what she got from Allen but wasn’t interested in raising her two children. While she was around, she was neglectful often going out with men and leaving her children with babysitters.

Lily struggled with the divorce, and with no outlet for her emotions she became violent. One day, in the second grade she got into a fight with a slightly older boy. Despite being bigger, and a year older than her, she won the fight. Lily found that she had an innate talent for physical combat, and that it was an outlet for her emotions. She would continue getting into fights throughout the year, developing a violent and unruly reputation. While the fights only lasted until someone gave up, she would often give her opponents quite a beating till that point. Despite repeatedly being reprimanded and suspended this didn’t change much. Besides her violent behavior, Lily was a good student who often stood near the top of the class, feeling more care from her teachers than mother. Her good grades and teachers' intervention stopped her from being expelled.

Eve’s involvement in Lily’s development was a hands-off affair, never truly trying to connect with her daughter or trying to help with her aggression. Often hand waving her behavior or outright ignoring it. While Eve didn’t want kids, she knew how she wanted them to look and be, her daughter failing on both accounts. Lily was very tomboyish, often forgoing more traditionally feminine things for masculine. Eve would try to get her daughter to be more feminine like her, but this backfired causing Lily to begin to hate Femininity in all forms believing that to be feminine was to be like her mother whom she abhorred.

During the third grade, Lily had learned to avoid getting into fights on school grounds. Getting into most of her altercations when teachers or adults weren’t around to stop her, such as on empty lots. She also began to gain a following, people would often say they were close to her because of her reputation in hopes of being feared or respected. Her reputation also began to alienate her from her classmates and other children, the isolation causing her to retreat into herself. She continued to get into fights and grew in confidence with each win, believing herself unstoppable. She began to look down on her classmates, believing boys to be cowards who talk a big game but whine when they lose to a girl and girls to be just like her mother, conniving snakes who would abandon and betray her when they got the chance. This mindset poisoned any relationships she did make, never trusting and always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

As Lily grew older Eve’s presence decreased, having come to terms that she couldn’t change her daughter and having no interest in Robin, she would start to leave for days at a time leaving her children to fend for themselves. As the oldest, the responsibility Fell to Lily keep them both alive using whatever money Eve left, whatever she could steal from her or the extra money she was given by Allen when he paid child support. She would struggle to make ends meet, often rationing her own food and making sure Robin was okay before herself. Lily learned how to cook and cut hair, to save as much money as possible though she found herself fond of cooking. At this time Allen would try to regain custody of Lily, but his refusal to also care for Robin made her reject the idea even if it would be better for her, often lying and hiding just how bad their situation was out of fear of being separated from Robin. Lily took on the parental role for her brother doing the things their mother neglected like making sure he got to school, helping with his homework, and making sure he was fed and healthy.

In school, Lily remained undefeated until the fifth grade when she lost her first fight to an eighth-grade girl. This loss, along with a teacher encouraging her to take up wrestling to vent her violent urges in a healthier form, led to Lily joining her school's wrestling team. Lily began to both exercise and train, building her physique and helping her deal with frustrations. Sometime during that year Lily met Claude O'Neil Porter, her first true friend. Despite their initial meeting, resulting in Claude being knocked out with Lily barely hanging on and without a baby tooth, the two became best friends.Claude's presence started to change her view on others, at least not putting everyone in the same box. Lily considered him something of another brother, trusting and confiding in him.

Lily was the ace of her wrestling team and took up boxing as well, enjoying the thrill of combat in a controlled form. The outlet helped her deal with the stress at home and gave her something to strive for. While she was still alone Lily found a sense of companionship with her team members forming a bond through sparing. Lily continued to improve emotionally throughout junior high, no longer getting involved in fights at nor around school. Spending time at her local gym and even getting a job there when she turned 14. Along with entering high school she got diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome) and Anxiety, which she began to take medication for.

Lily moved on to high school at Southwest Red Rock, without the support structures she had made for herself and the outlet for her emotions she began to fall back to old tendencies, isolating herself and being more aggressive. The stress of adding work to her responsibilities and Eve going from leaving for days at a time to weeks at a time led to her looking for other forms of stress relief. While cooking and cleaning helped, nothing could come close to the catharsis she felt after a good fight. Knowing better than bringing her violence anywhere near school she looked for other places to find a good brawl, sometimes punks on the street, sometimes a drunkard coming from the bar. With the nature of the fights changing from the playground to the streets Lily began to get more seriously hurt, the worst that could happen went from a bloody nose and a black eye to death. With no one besides her brother to tend to her she learned to treat her own wounds, not wanting him to be involved in her self-destructive actions. Despite trying to keep it hidden the resurgence of her violent tendencies alienated her once again, her only real company being her brother, Claude, and a group who aligned themselves with her for her reputation. Being constantly covered in bandages and bruises scared most people off from interacting with her, her near permanent glare and harsh personality pushed the rest away. School-wise, her grades remained good, maintaining a B-C average, her teachers agreeing that if she focused more on studying, she could be one of the top students in her class.

She remained like this until her senior year, after Allen bought her a pickup truck for her 18th birthday and she realized that in her focus on making sure she and Robin survived that she didn’t pay much attention to herself. With Robin being old enough to start taking care of himself more she decided to try and figure out what she wanted to do with her life, starting by interacting with her classmates more. Befriending a few of her classmates, joining some clubs and trying out new hobbies. While her reputation remains mostly negative, some have started to view her more positively.

Advantages: Lily is strong, experienced in combat, and violent. She excels in physical combat and isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty. Her medical knowledge and high pain tolerance could save her in a pinch. Additionally, she has few emotional attachments to her class.
Disadvantages: Lily is an outlier to her classmates making it hard for her to gain allies. Her brash nature, and eagerness for a fight could lead to her biting off more than she can chew. Additionally, her reputation could lead to others seeing her as a threat to be eliminated.

[VoltTurtle]

Heya NoLife! I'm the staffer that has Lily. Unfortunately, she is DENIED pending some edits and fixes. Despite her history of fighting being a tad extreme for a profile, you mostly manage to keep plausible deniability for it, so I think that's mostly fine, but she's got a fair number of other issues. My comments are below.

Gender: Female (She/Her)

We don't need the pronouns in the gender field, though I appreciate the thought. The pronouns in the profile body are sufficient as it is.

Hobbies and Interests: Boxing, Working out, Fighting, Running, Taking care of her brother, Cooking, Cleaning

Most of these hobbies aren't substantiated sufficiently. "Working out" and "Running" aren't brought up basically at all. "Cleaning" and "Taking care of her brother" also aren't given the required treatment, both are just things she does. Also, "wrestling" isn't mentioned despite being more significant than half of these.

I don't think you necessarily need to expand all of these out to be proper hobbies, so if you want to take the easy way out, cut her hobbies and interests down to just "Fighting, Boxing, Wrestling, Cooking" without any extra alterations to the biography.

Lily’s eyes are black

Black isn't really an eye color. Very dark brown is.

Lily was born January 29th to Eve Kemp and Allen Kemp

Where was she born? I assume Las Vegas, but...

The cracks in their relationship were there from the start. Lily being born so Eve could get Allen to marry her.

These sentence read a little weirdly, although I know what you mean. I would combine them, and change the phrasing a bit to "Cracks were present in her parents' relationship from the start, with Lily being born so Eve could get Allen to marry her."

The divorce was

Either "Their divorce" or "The subsequent divorce" for a better, clearer transition.

was neglectful often

Need a comma after "neglectful".

Additionally, what is her mother's job/source of income besides the child support? A mention of Allen's job or source of income would be good too. These should probably come after the first sentence in the first paragraph of her biography.

Despite this, Lily

I'd change this "Despite this, Lily" to "Besides her violent behavior, Lily" to avoid repeating "despite" two sentences in a row and make the meaning clearer.

While Eve didn’t want kids, she knew how she wanted them to look and be her daughter failing on both accounts.

This sentence needs a comma after "look and be", else it is very confusing to read.

responsibility fell Lily to keep

Fell to Lily.

As Lily grew older Eve’s presence decreased, having come to terms that she couldn’t change her daughter and having no interest in Robin, she would start to leave for days at a time leaving her children to fend for themselves.
[...]
At this time Allen would try to regain custody of Lily, but his refusal to also care for Robin made her reject the idea even if it would be better for her.

So this level of neglect from Eve to Lily and Robin would naturally lead to Child Protective Services getting involved. The only way they wouldn't is if the family's issues were simply never reported, which would almost certainly not happen if Allen was trying to gain custody. If anything, CPS involvement would be an easy pathway for him to gain custody.

Lily's opinion of this also doesn't invalidate a court's decision. While a child's opinion of their parents is taken into account for custody battles, it isn't the end-all-be-all unless the child is already 16+ (and even then not always). Given Lily is, at this point, still in elementary school, her opinion would basically mean zilch.

The only way this would work is if Allen specifically asked Lily if she wanted to be under his custody and respected her wishes without ever bringing the matter to court or getting CPS involved. If that is the case, that will need to be mentioned specifically.

responsibility fell Lily to keep

Fell to Lily.

In school, Lily remained undefeated until the fifth grade when she lost her first fight to an eighth-grade girl. This loss, along with a teacher encouraging her to take up wrestling to vent her violent urges in a healthier form, led to Lily joining her school's wrestling team. Lily began to both exercise and train, building her physique and helping her deal with frustrations. Sometime during that year Lily met Claude O'Neil Porter, her first true friend. Despite their initial meeting, resulting in Claude being knocked out with Lily barely hanging on and without a baby tooth, the two became best friends.Claude's presence started to change her view on others, at least not putting everyone in the same box. Lily considered him something of another brother, trusting and confiding in him.

I don't think most elementary schools have a wrestling team (they don't tend to have "teams" for any sports). Bumping this up to happen in sixth grade would be fine normally, but Claude's (already approved) profile already mentions that they met in 5th grade. As such, you need to change this whole paragraph.

Have Lily meet Claude and get into a fight with him first, then have her join the wrestling team in sixth grade after they became friends.

Also, you forgot a space after "best friends."

bond through sparing

Sparing is "to spare", what you're looking for here is "sparring" which is "to spar".

Knowing better than bringing her violence anywhere near school she looked for other places to find a good brawl, sometimes punks on the street, sometimes a drunkard coming from the bar.

A concern with this is that it wouldn't be school authorities cracking down on her, but instead the police. She would need to worry about getting arrested. Add a sentence or two after this one plausibly explaining how she avoided getting arrested. After that, add a paragraph break before the sentence starting "With the nature" as this paragraph is huge already.

Lily began to get more seriously hurt, the worst that could happen went from a bloody nose and a black eye to death.

The way this is written sounds like she died. Given everything else, I don't think she died! List out here what injuries actually happened to her in these street fights, not what could have happened.

himself more she decided

Comma after "more".

As an addition, please add a (short) paragraph at the end of the biography detailing Lily's plans for the future once she graduates high school.

Her medical knowledge and

Medical knowledge? Was this supposed to be in the biography? Either you need to add something somewhere or need to cut this.


...and that's it. Get back to me when you have all that addressed and I'll give her another look.

[VoltTurtle]

This character biography has had no alterations for more than two weeks and has been put in the abandoned characters forum. This profile is eligible for resubmission by the handler upon alterations requested by the staff.