Dawn Montogomery

[DerArknight]

Name: Dawn Montogomery
Gender: Female
Age: 17
Grade: Senior
School: John Endecott Memorial Academy
Hobbies and Interests: Knitting, Student Health Association, Chess

Appearance: Dawn is 5'1" (155 cm) high and weighs 103 lbs (47 kilograms). Her face is slightly rounded and features big blue eyes, a petite nose and a small jaw. Overall her physique is slender with low muscle tone. She has pale skin and an ivory complexion. Dawn has an upright posture when sitting or walking. When running, she bends forward a little. Her voice sounds serene.

She wears her long brown hair in a ponytail fixated with a black ribbon while two locks of her bangs hang to the sides of her face. She always wears a long blue scarf, no matter the weather. Apart from that, she is lax in her choice of clothing, preferring jeans, shirts and pullovers. Sometimes she also wears a parka, in which case she leaves the pullover out. During summer she also frequently drops the parka as well, going out with only a T-shirt and shorter jeans.

Dawn has no interest in fashion, piercings or tattoos. Most of her wardrobe consists of no-brand clothing that prefers comfort over looking good. She also has a special drawer for the clothes she has knitted herself. She only wears them to special occasions.

On the day of the abduction, she wore brown shoes, three-quarter-jeans and a green parka with a white shirt underneath. She also wore her scarf and the black ribbon.

Biography: Dawn Montogomery was born on May 29th, 2004 as the only child of Eren and Susie Montogomery in Salem, Massachusetts. Her parents worked at two different hospitals in Boston as doctors. Eren was a surgeon while Susie worked as a pediatrician. The family lived in Salem.

Both had time-consuming jobs and could not spend as much time with Dawn as they would have liked. Thankfully, the pair were good friends with the Kemp-family who lived directly on the other side of the street and had a boy at the same age as Dawn. Dawn had no trouble befriending the neighbor's kid named Ethan and his mother, a stay-at-home-mum, proved to be a capable babysitter. She also was a former chess player and taught the kids the art of the game at a young age.

Dawn took quickly to chess. What made her enjoy this game more than alternatives like Monopoly was that it was less based on luck and more on strategy. This gave her a feeling of control and that her actions mattered. The otherwise calm child could become surprisingly passionate and heated when playing chess, but she still seemed to enjoy herself.

Her friendship with Ethan was strong, although they viewed each other rather as siblings than friends. At elementary school, Dawn started making a few more close contacts and secured a good position in the class hierarchy. She mostly stuck to her close circle and didn't interact much with the rest of the class, who in turn barely showed interest in her.

One day, Dawn – now in her fifth year of elementary – had to spend two weeks in the hospital her mother worked at after breaking her left hand in an accident. Without her friends in an unknown place and with her mother having to treat the other children most of the time, Dawn quickly got bored and gloomy. This changed on her third day when she was approached by another patient in the hospital's cafeteria.

The other girl's name was Anna and she was roughly the same age as Dawn. According to herself, Dawn looked like she needed a friend, so she declared herself as such. While initially hesitant, Dawn quickly warmed up to Anna and her infectious cheerfulness. The two girls hung out most of the remaining time of Dawn's stay at the hospital.

Once she was home, Dawn requested to see Anna again, this time as a visitor. Having seen the positive effect Anna had had on her daughter, Susie allowed it. One visit would lead to another and another and another, until the two girls saw each other at least twice a week. Dawn did her best to teach Anna chess like she had learned it from Miss Kemp with decent success, although Anna was not much of a competitive type. On the other hand, Anna introduced Dawn to her hobby of knitting, which resonated well with Dawn. The act of slowly creating something out of a bundle of wool was oddly satisfying to her. The friendship of the two bloomed. Eventually, Ethan also came along to the visits.

One thing the two never spoke about was the reason for Anna's stay at the hospital. But even without words, it was clearly not a good one: Several pill-bottles and meds would always lie next to Anna's bed, and sometimes she would have scars from surgery. Also she never had any other visitors than Dawn and Ethan. Despite that, Dawn never saw Anna without a smile. The otherwise dull atmosphere of the hospital left her completely unfazed. This perceived happiness made it hard to breach the topic.

Apart from her time with Anna, Dawn spent most of her free-time hanging around with Ethan and some others. Her grades in school were good, but not exceptional, and she managed the jump into middle-school without bigger issues. There, she continued having only a few but good friends and mostly flying under the radar of most people.

Eventually the date of Dawn's twelfth birthday arrived. Anna gifted her a blue scarf she had knitted herself. Two months later, Anna was dead.

The death of her best friend left a gaping hole in Dawn's everyday life. She became much quieter both at school and at home. She used this time to reflect on herself and her goals in life. Despite knowing that Anna's death had not been her fault, she felt guilty over never speaking about it and evading the topic. It gave her the feeling she could have done more. Ultimately, she came to a conclusion: she wanted to become a doctor, just like her parents.

From this moment on, she increased her efforts in school by a wide margin with the goal of making it into a good university to study medicine. Apart from that, she began looking at the people around her, thinking that some of them might be in need of help like Anna. She started to approach those who seemed troubled in any way and tried to help. Quickly she became known for her readiness to help others and is sometimes even approached for that very reason. However, her new behavior confused many of her friends and resulted in some of her friendships ending or weakening due to her not having as much time as before.

She also spends time in self-studying the basics of medicine, especially first-aid, since she believes this to be the most likely kind of knowledge she would need in her daily life. Her lessons consist of research via the internet or the school's library. Occasionally, she also discusses her findings with her parents, who are very happy about her daughter's chosen career path. However, so far she has had no real way to practice anything she learns.

Seeing her daughter's efforts, Eren and Susie decided to send Dawn to the John Endecott Memorial Academy. At this high school, Dawn and Ethan volunteered for the Student Health Association. They focus on educating the students about health dangers in their everyday lives through pamphlets and presentations. When the COVID-19 pandemic hit in 2020, she held a presentation about the importance of following the rules and wearing face-masks in almost every class, which was seen positively by the teachers but as annoying by many students.

Furthermore, Dawn joined the Knitting Club. Knitting reminds her of the good times she spent with Anna, so she enjoys doing it a lot. Her focus is on clothing, some of which she wears herself to special occasions. She also ends up giving a lot of her works away as presents on birthdays or Christmas.

She also still plays chess, although mostly online. Dawn has realized that the more energetic side of hers she shows during chess is seen as strange by others since it contradicts her usual calm demeanor. By playing online, she doesn't have to hold back.

Anna's determination and optimism in the face of her illness has inspired Dawn to always focus on the bright side of things and be optimistic towards the future. She hopes to one day inspire others like Anna did to her. In order to do so, she consciously changed her behaviour to be more extroverted and noticeable. She always tries to have an open ear for both her friends and others who need it. In an effort to lend a hand, she approaches the latter proactively, which sometimes leads to people being annoyed at her intruding in things that are not really her business. However, Dawn vividly remembers her first meeting with Anna, where she too felt irritated at first. Often she presses through with a smile and sometimes even manages to make new friends or aquaintances this way. But not every time goes well, and a small number of her schoolmates see her as obnoxious and annoying, which she is unhappy about, although she pretends that it doesn't bother her.

Dawn feels secure in Salem and wants to live in the city for as long as possible, but when looking for a good university, she came to the realization that she might have to move in order to get the best possible education. Having to chose between a better university and staying at home where here friends are troubles her inwardly, although she never shows it. The only one she has talked about this with is Ethan. After studying, she plans to work as a doctor to help people. She is aware that this goal is slightly naive and optimistic, but also sees this as all the more reason to try it.

Advantages: Dawn is knowledgeable in first aid practices and would therefore be a useful ally on the island. Her happy attitude means she has many friends or people who at least see her in a positive light. Her helpful character is well-known by her classmates, raising the probability of them trusting her.
Disadvantages: Dawn's desire to help others means she is willing to get herself into avoidable dangers. She is fairly weak, meaning that she could be easily overpowered by most of her classmates. Her optimistic worldview could easily be shattered once the reality of SOTF kicks in, which could result in her mental state rapidly worsening. Also, Dawn's knowledge about medicine is almost completely self-taught and only theoretical in nature.

[VoltTurtle]

Heya mostlyharmfulll! I'm the staffer critiquing Dawn for you. Unfortunately Dawn is DENIED pending major revisions and rewrites.

Dawn's profile is missing a lot of aspects that we expect in a profile submission and has a significant portion of the profile dedicated to unnecessary information. I would suggest reading through some approved profiles for either V7 or the approved V8 pregame profiles before you come back to edit this profile, that would give you a better idea of what we expect and help you in making the edits that I'm going to request.

One major structural problem in Dawn's profile is that you're writing it as if it were a story, but that isn't the point of profiles. They are meant to give a general summary of a character's life story without any additional or unnecessary fluff. They are supposed to be written from the perspective of a bored terrorist that doesn't particularly care about your kid. If you want to include various specific details (such as the depth to which you approach Anna), that would be better suited for memory threads covering a character's backstory (and would likely be a better avenue for that in general).

As for what is missing, we generally expect that a character's significant hobbies and/or interests should have a paragraph dedicated specifically to each of them. As it stands in Dawn's profile, her three hobbies are only mentioned in passing and are not elaborated on. When you go over a character's hobbies/interests, you should discuss how they got started with said interest, what they do with it, and whether or not they enjoy it and why. This will need to be added in your next revision.

Additionally, you either missed or included unnecessary line breaks in the profile, I will point these out as I go.

Dawn is 155 cm high and weights 73 kilo.

In our profiles we usually use the (admittedly outdated) imperial system standard to the USA (where the characters are from), though including metric measurements in addition to that is fine. Additionally, it is "weighs" and not "weights". I'd suggest adjusting this to "Dawn is 5'1" (155 cm) high and weighs 160 lbs (73 kilograms)."

Overall her physic is slender but without many muscles.

Typo: "Physique" not "physic". Additionally, her listed height and weight DO NOT suggest a "slender" build. Her BMI is over 30, which would normally mean she would be obese. If you still want her to be slender, you should adjust her weight accordingly. Finally, assuming no major changes this would be better phrased as "Overall her physique is slender with low muscle tone."

She has white skin.

Normally we don't use descriptors like this when describing skin color (Caucasian people are not literally white). A better term to use in this case would be "pale". Additionally, you are missing a line break at the end of this paragraph.

She always wears a long blue scarf, no matter the weather.

What else does she wear normally? You mention her abduction outfit, but certainly she wouldn't be wearing a parka all the time. Additionally, you are missing a line break at the end of this paragraph.

On the day of the abduction, she wore brown shoes, three-quarter-jeans and a green parka.

Was she wearing a shirt? What about her scarf?

For her overall appearance section, this is a good start, but I want a little more. How is Dawn's complexion? How is her posture? Does she have any piercings? What does her voice sound like?

Dawn Montogomery was born 29.05.2002

The date format in profiles should generally be "Month Day, Year", so in this case it would be "May 29th, 2002".

However, her birthday as-is would actually mean that she would be ineligible for the trip. The trip is occurring in Winter 2021, during the fall semester. As it stands, Dawn would have started school in 2007, and subsequently graduated in 2020. If you want her to be eligible for the trip, she would need to have been born in 2004, and would be 17 at the time of the trip.

the only child of Eren and Susie Montogomery

I know you mention that her parents worked in Salem, but was she born in Salem, Massachusetts as well? Also, I believe you are missing a line break at the end of this paragraph.

That's why it didn't take long until she was diagnosed with Asperger autism

You say later in the profile that teachers question this diagnosis. What signs and symptoms led her to be diagnosed in the first place?

As it stands, I am not sure that this Aspergers/Autism diagnosis aspect of the profile is entirely necessary to be included. It doesn't result in any major changes to Dawn's life (as you say yourself in the profile) and doesn't have any other significant impacts on her character. There are numerous issues in this section of the profile (such as the matter of her mother prescribing her medication for "attention deficits", as doctors are typically not allowed to prescribe potentially controlled substances to family members) and a lot of unnecessary information in general. It's important not to create problems for yourself in your profile that you will then have to write around if there is no greater point to them.

I would suggest either completely rewriting this section of the profile to cover why it is important to Dawn's life, or just cut it out entirely as it currently serves no greater purpose, unlike the bits with Anna (which still have some issues that need to be addressed, more on that below). I will wait to see what you decide to do with these aspects of the profile before I go into any further detail.

Thankfully, the pair was good friends

Typo: "the pair were good friends with".

the known stigmata regarding

Wrong word: "Stigma".

proved to be a formidable babysitter

Formidable isn't grammatically incorrect, but did you mean to use it here? It typically means "inspiring fear or respect through being impressively large, powerful, intense, or capable." If you don't think that fits, feel free to change it, at the moment I believe you meant to use the word "capable".

As her parents had prophesied her, she grew up with a rather small circle of relations to others.

This sentence is very confusing to me as-written. I don't think "prophesied" is the word you were trying to use here. I would suggest changing this sentence to "Dawn grew up with a rather small circle of friends." to simplify it. Though, you might end up dropping this entirely, as it's later contradicted by her gaining lots of friends in school. For now, it's up to you.

One day, Dawn – now in her third year of elementary - asked her mother what exactly she did at work. Susie, fearful that another long explanation might not be sufficient, decided to bring Dawn along to her job one day. In the children-section of the hospital, Dawn eventually ended up strutting off once Susie was called to an emergency and got lost. Not knowing any better solution, she opened a random door, hoping to find an adult.

Instead she entered the room of a girl her age, sitting in her bed and making paper planes she started from her bed. When Dawn entered, at least half the floor was already filled with paper.
Confused at this sight, Dawn asked the girl what she was doing. The girl answered that she was making planes to fly out of this room.
Dawn asked why there where so many papers in the room. In fact, there were several piles of yet unused paper lying next to the girl.
The girl answered without hesitation that she taken them.
The bluntness of the patient caught Dawn's interest, and they started a very long conversation. The girl introduced herself as Anna, a longtime-patient of this hospital. Anna had many questions about how the world outside the white rooms looked, and Dawn was very curious about how Anna lived in this place. Time was fast forgotten, and the talk came to an abrupt end when Susie stormed into the room, finally having found her lost daughter.

It took Dawn a lot of convincing until her mother allowed her to see Anna again, this time as a visitor. One visit would lead to another and another and another, until the two girls saw each other at least twice a week. Sometimes they would just talk, but other times Anna would teach Dawn some hobbies she had learned during her time in the hospital. Some of this hobbies, like chess and knitting, resonated with Dawn very well. The friendship of the two bloomed. Eventually, Ethan also came along to the visits.

Apart from her time with Anna, Dawn spend most of her free-time with hobbies she had picked up from Anna or with hanging around with Ethan and some others. Her grades in school were good, but not exceptional, and she managed the jump into middle-school without bigger issues.

One thing the two never spoke about was the reason for Anna's stay at the hospital. But even without words, it was clearly not a good one: Several pill-bottles and meds would always lie next to Anna's bed, and sometimes she would have scars from surgery. Also she never had any other visitors than Dawn and Ethan. Despite that, Dawn never saw Anna without a smile. The otherwise dull atmosphere of the hospital left her completely unfazed. This perceived happiness made it hard to breach the topic.

One day Dawn decided to ask Anna about it anyways.

For the first time since she knew her, Anna seemed taken aback by something, with her smile fading for a moment. But then she regained her usual demeanor and answered: According to the doctors, she had already outlived her life expectation by several years. Since it might happen any day, she believed it to be important to enjoy every moment she had. Then she returned the question by asking Dawn what her plans for the rest of her life looked like. Dawn had no clear answer to this rebuttal, so she changed the topic.

One month later, Dawn had her fourteenth birthday. Anna gifted her a blue scarf she had knitted herself. Two months later, Anna was dead.

So, unlike the earlier section discussing her Aspergers/Autism diagnosis, this section talking about Anna actually does have significant impacts on Dawn (responsible for her outlook on life and her hobbies), and thus doesn't strike me as being unnecessary like the former. However, there are still a fair amount of issues that I believe warrant a total rewrite.

For one, there are a few realism issues with it (a child would not be permitted to wander around a hospital on their own, especially if they are unattended, and entering a patient's room without the appropriate access would set off alarms).

For two, the way it is written is not what we expect out of profiles. As I said before, profiles are not meant to read like a narrative, they are just supposed to be a summary. To that end, this could be simplified to the following points, written in paragraph form (and filled out to detail as you prefer):

• Dawn met another child named Anna at the hospital one day.
• Anna had several health issues that necessitated her stay in the hospital.
• Despite her condition, Anna remained happy and optimistic, and the two of them became fast friends.
• Dawn picked up her chess and knitting hobbies from Anna and spent a significant amount of time with her.
• Eventually, Anna died, leaving the impacts that you mention in the profile on Dawn's outlook.
• The detail about the scarf, if you so desired.

An important question to ask yourself when incorporating elements into a character's biography is whether or not specific details are actually important. Much of the information (such as the specifics of how she met Anna to begin with and all the details about her paper planes) would be MUCH better served as being within in-character Memory threads and the like.

The death of her best friend left a gaping hole in Dawn everyday live.

Typo; "Dawn's everyday life".

From this moment on, she dialed up her efforts in school by a wide margin. Studying medicine would require good grades, after all.

This is a little too informal for a profile. It would read better as "From this moment on, she increased her efforts in school by a wide margin, to ensure that she would be able to study medicine in the future."

Dawn has good knowledge about medicine.

How so? You mention her wanting to study medicine, but you don't elaborate beyond that. Every Advantage/Disadvantage should connect directly back to the biography in order to be properly explained.

Nothing unrealistic like being able to operate, but she should be able to make much better use of a First-Aid-kit then most others, making her a useful ally on the island.

This is a bit too informally written for a profile. A better way of putting this would be "She is knowledgeable in first aid practices and would therefore be a useful ally on the island."

Her muscle strength is rather weak, meaning that even some of the other girls could overpower her.

This would be better put as "She is fairly weak, meaning that she could be easily overpowered by most of her classmates."

She has a strong aversion towards hurting people. Also, she can be a little too fast in trusting others, meaning she would be fast to let her guard down.

You don't really mention either of these things in the profile biography. As stated before, all Advantages and Disadvantages should link back to the biography in some way.

---

...And that's it. Despite the amount of re-writing Dawn needs, don't feel discouraged! Most handler's first profiles end up going through pretty extensive revisions, and I'll be here with you every step of the way. Post back here whenever you finish those edits, and I'll give Dawn another thorough read-through.

[DerArknight]

So, I made a lot of edits. Allow me to exemplify most of them

In our profiles we usually use the (admittedly outdated) imperial system standard to the USA (where the characters are from), though including metric measurements in addition to that is fine. Additionally, it is "weighs" and not "weights". I'd suggest adjusting this to "Dawn is 5'1" (155 cm) high and weighs 160 lbs (73 kilograms)."

Is corrected. I wrote the metric values as an extra.

Additionally, her listed height and weight DO NOT suggest a "slender" build. Her BMI is over 30, which would normally mean she would be obese. If you still want her to be slender, you should adjust her weight accordingly.

Guess my strategy of "Google the average height and weight of teenagers in america and go a little bit lower" backfired horribly. Whatever, I gave her a new weight with a BMI of 19. That puts her in the lower part of healthy.

What else does she wear normally? You mention her abduction outfit, but certainly she wouldn't be wearing a parka all the time.

Added a new paragraph about her wardrobe. Also I managed to sneak in another mention of her knitting hobby while doing so.

Was she wearing a shirt? What about her scarf?

Added the mention of a shirt, her scarf and her ribbon.

How is Dawn's complexion? How is her posture? Does she have any piercings? What does her voice sound like?

Added information about all of this points.

The date format in profiles should generally be "Month Day, Year", so in this case it would be "May 29th, 2002".

However, her birthday as-is would actually mean that she would be ineligible for the trip. The trip is occurring in Winter 2021, during the fall semester. As it stands, Dawn would have started school in 2007, and subsequently graduated in 2020. If you want her to be eligible for the trip, she would need to have been born in 2004, and would be 17 at the time of the trip.

And with that, Dawn just became two years longer. Man, I probably shouldn't have tried to calculate Dawn's perfect age in my head.

I know you mention that her parents worked in Salem, but was she born in Salem, Massachusetts as well?

Now she was. Also her parents work in Boston now.

Regarding the autism thing: I decided to scratch it completely. The main reason for that is that in order for the whole affair to still affect Dawn in Highschool, the time where the fact she has no autism is discovered would need to be placed even later on the timeline. But it is unrealistic for her to (unintentionally) be confused for an autist for so long. So yeah, onto the trash-bin this idea goes.

Formidable isn't grammatically incorrect, but did you mean to use it here? It typically means "inspiring fear or respect through being impressively large, powerful, intense, or capable." If you don't think that fits, feel free to change it, at the moment I believe you meant to use the word "capable".

Truth be told: I genuinely thought that formidable meant capable. I always red the word in contexts were capable would fit as well and therefore assumed they meant the same. Yeah, english can be very tricky.
Also I decided to move the chess-stuff from Anna to Ethan's mum. I found it a little bit overboard that Dawn would "inherit" not only her outlook on life, but also two whole hobbies from Anna. It would basically mean that Anna almost completely shaped Dawn. Now she only gets one hobby and her outlook while another hobby comes from another person.

So, unlike the earlier section discussing her Aspergers/Autism diagnosis, this section talking about Anna actually does have significant impacts on Dawn (responsible for her outlook on life and her hobbies), and thus doesn't strike me as being unnecessary like the former. However, there are still a fair amount of issues that I believe warrant a total rewrite.

For one, there are a few realism issues with it (a child would not be permitted to wander around a hospital on their own, especially if they are unattended, and entering a patient's room without the appropriate access would set off alarms).

For two, the way it is written is not what we expect out of profiles. As I said before, profiles are not meant to read like a narrative, they are just supposed to be a summary. To that end, this could be simplified to the following points, written in paragraph form (and filled out to detail as you prefer):

• Dawn met another child named Anna at the hospital one day.
• Anna had several health issues that necessitated her stay in the hospital.
• Despite her condition, Anna remained happy and optimistic, and the two of them became fast friends.
• Dawn picked up her chess and knitting hobbies from Anna and spent a significant amount of time with her.
• Eventually, Anna died, leaving the impacts that you mention in the profile on Dawn's outlook.
• The detail about the scarf, if you so desired.

I rewrote most of it. The changes are pretty big, so I won't list them here. But overall I stuck to the list you provided.

An important question to ask yourself when incorporating elements into a character's biography is whether or not specific details are actually important. Much of the information (such as the specifics of how she met Anna to begin with and all the details about her paper planes) would be MUCH better served as being within in-character Memory threads and the like.

That's a really good idea I didn't think about before. Thanks for the tip!

How so? You mention her wanting to study medicine, but you don't elaborate beyond that. Every Advantage/Disadvantage should connect directly back to the biography in order to be properly explained.

Added a paragraph about it.

You don't really mention either of these things in the profile biography. As stated before, all Advantages and Disadvantages should link back to the biography in some way.

Replaced this disadvantages with two I assume are more in line with the profile.
Thank you for your hard work! Look forward to the second round through the grind.

[VoltTurtle]

Heya MostlyHarmfulll! Dawn is looking way better this time around, but there are still a few typos and some things I want to be expanded upon a bit more before she's ready to go.

Dawn is 5'1 (155 cm)

The quotation mark (") is usually used to denote inches in the imperial system. Just add a " after the 1 here and you should be fine.

Dawn has a upright posture when sitting or walking.

Typo; "an upright posture". Also, you could probably combine the paragraph this sentence is in with the previous one, since it's just two sentences.

while two bangs hang to the sides of her face.

A given person only has one set of "bangs" I believe. This would be easier to understand if it said "while two locks of her bangs hang to" or something to that effect.

Dawn Montogomery was born on May 29th, 2004 as the only child of Eren and Susie Montogomery in Salem, Massachusetts.

Her parents worked at two different hospitals in Boston as doctors. Eren was a surgeon while Susie worked as a pediatrician. The family lived in Salem.

Combine these two paragraphs.

Dawn took a fast likening to chess.

Likening means "pointing out resemblance" which I don't think is the word you want to use here. Saying "Dawn took quickly to chess" would get your intended meaning across.

One day, Dawn – now in her fifth year of elementary – had to spend two weeks in the hospital her mother worked at after getting into an accident.

Having to spend two weeks in the hospital suggests the accident was something severe, which warrants more specificity. Elaborate on this, please.

Anna, Dawn spend most

Typo; "spent".

hole in Dawn's everyday live.

Typo; "life".

came to a conclusion: She wanted to

"She" shouldn't be capitalized here.

Her lessons consists of research via

Typo; "consist".

When the Corona pandemic hit

"Corona" in this case is too vague of a term to use since coronaviruses are a type of virus rather than a specific virus. Substitute it with "COVID-19" or "SARS-CoV-2".

She has no interest to use her hobby to make money.

No real need to have this sentence. Not mentioning using her hobby to make money is sufficient to get across that she doesn't use it for that purpose, so you can cut it.

realized that he more energetic

Typo; "the more".

Anna's determination and optimism in the face of her illness has inspired Dawn to always focus on the bright side of things and be optimistic towards the future. She hopes to one day inspire others like Anna did to her.

This is a good start for a paragraph detailing her personality and outlook in the modern day, but I'm curious and want a bit more. How does she generally act around her peers? Is there any difference between how she treats friends and relative strangers? Is she extroverted, or introverted? Is she emotional, or more stoic? How does she react to stress or unpleasant situations? Some of this information is scattered around the profile, so feel free to reiterate it here, and to expand however you see fit.

Dawn is knowledgable in first

Typo; "knowledgeable".

Her optimistic world-view could

"Worldview" is one word, no need for the hyphen.

state rapidly worsen.

Typo; "worsening".

Lastly, as an additional bit of expansion: Does she plan to attend any particular university? What are her general ideas for the future beyond studying medicine?

--

And that's it! Lemme know when you get those edits made.

[DerArknight]

I fixed all the typos and added some new paragraphs at the end. Also the accident that resulted in her hospital-stay was a broken hand.

[VoltTurtle]

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