((Marshall West continued from Me & Cinderella.))
Marshall knew he could be waiting for a while, but he couldn’t sleep. Partially because if Kai called for help, he needed to be ready. Partially because he was fretting about California, left behind, even if he knew on a practical level that she was safer out there than so close to Katelyn. Partially because there were bodies in this tunnel with him. At least one of which he knew Kai had put there.
There were no sheets this time to cover Derek and Chiara with. All Marshall had been able to do was shut their eyes and pay what respects he could, even as he followed around their killers.
He was holding onto his questions. He didn’t want to drive Kai off a second time. Not when he was already going on so dangerous a mission.
Marshall alternated between pacing near the entrance that Kai had used to go back to where he’d left Katelyn, and doing squats in groups of ten. He was tired, but moving around was keeping him warm and distracted. He was trying not to touch his face – there were blisters across his nose and cheek, and painful splotches, where the superficial frostbite had occurred after sleeping on the mountain. Marshall sunburned easily, and the feeling was not dissimilar.
He missed warm weather. And his chances of ever seeing it again were excruciatingly low.
Marshall looked down at the collar of Chloé’s assigned windbreaker, tucked underneath the second one he’d stolen. 114. They’d been halfway through the game that morning. That put his chances at under two percent, without getting into the morality of it all.
He glanced at the tunnel through which Kai had gone through while continuing to pace.
Marshall still hadn’t apologized to him. Still hadn’t sorted out what to focus on while doing so. That he’d driven him off. That he’d let Jess wander off and die in the cold. That he’d let Chloé die, too. That he’d wasted what borrowed time Kai had given him.
Kai had apologized first, but done so while walking away. There’d been no time to respond. Marshall hated it. It was the sort of apology done when there might not be a second chance.
But he’d promised to wait. At least for a while. So that’s all he could do.
Wait.
Do squats.
Figure out what he meant to say.
On Guard
Late on Day 8. PM for Entry.
((Kai Rosado-Prince continued from Black Rose))
Letting the tunnels swallow him a second time was worse than the first. The first time, everything that could have gone wrong in there was just a hypothetical. Now it was a memory.
Kai kept expecting to hear footsteps behind him. Kitty calling out to him for an explanation. He was moving carefully, but it felt like he was running from something.
With his hands too full to hold a flashlight, he was moving blind. Every other sense was keenly aware of every noise under the echo of his own footfalls. Any other sign of life. He'd told Marshall to stay close, but he didn't know where exactly that would be.
Once he'd made it what felt like a good distance into the tunnel, Kai slowed his pace so as not to risk running physically into Marshall. Or anyone else.
"Marshall?" He called into the dark, voice low but urgent.
Letting the tunnels swallow him a second time was worse than the first. The first time, everything that could have gone wrong in there was just a hypothetical. Now it was a memory.
Kai kept expecting to hear footsteps behind him. Kitty calling out to him for an explanation. He was moving carefully, but it felt like he was running from something.
With his hands too full to hold a flashlight, he was moving blind. Every other sense was keenly aware of every noise under the echo of his own footfalls. Any other sign of life. He'd told Marshall to stay close, but he didn't know where exactly that would be.
Once he'd made it what felt like a good distance into the tunnel, Kai slowed his pace so as not to risk running physically into Marshall. Or anyone else.
"Marshall?" He called into the dark, voice low but urgent.
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
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ViolentMedic
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Marshall had been mid-squat when Kai called out, and tried to turn around without getting out of the squat and promptly fell over.
“Ow—I’m here!” he whispered back.
Back on his feet, he grabbed his bag and slung the strap over his shoulder, rummaging for the flashlight while he moved in the direction of the whisper. Expecting the worst, and yet the worst had already not occured, because Kai had actually come back.
“I’m here! How is it? Did it go well? Do we need to—”
He found the flashlight and flicked it on, but he was still off-kilter with his movements. It slipped out of his fingers and went sliding against the floor, the light spinning and rolling before doinking softly against a wall. Marshall paused momentarily, mouth tightening, before he scooped it off the floor and lifted it again, only to accidentally shine it directly in Kai’s face.
“Oops.” He lowered it so as to not continue blinding Kai. “Do we need to run? Do you need help? Also I'm sorry.”
“Ow—I’m here!” he whispered back.
Back on his feet, he grabbed his bag and slung the strap over his shoulder, rummaging for the flashlight while he moved in the direction of the whisper. Expecting the worst, and yet the worst had already not occured, because Kai had actually come back.
“I’m here! How is it? Did it go well? Do we need to—”
He found the flashlight and flicked it on, but he was still off-kilter with his movements. It slipped out of his fingers and went sliding against the floor, the light spinning and rolling before doinking softly against a wall. Marshall paused momentarily, mouth tightening, before he scooped it off the floor and lifted it again, only to accidentally shine it directly in Kai’s face.
“Oops.” He lowered it so as to not continue blinding Kai. “Do we need to run? Do you need help? Also I'm sorry.”
Kai watched Marshall fumble with the flashlight, flinching back when the beam landed directly in his eyes. He blinked through the colored spots dancing in his vision until they resolved themselves back into Marshall's figure.
"No," he answered slowly to the questions in general. "I can handle this for now if you hold the flashlight. And we don't need to run." Even though his heart was beating hard as though he'd been running for ages already. "But we shouldn't stay here."
He started walking but took care to not get too far ahead of Marshall and the light. The last thing he wanted right now was to trip over one of the bodies he knew was down here. He wanted to get far away from the basement as soon as possible.
"No," he answered slowly to the questions in general. "I can handle this for now if you hold the flashlight. And we don't need to run." Even though his heart was beating hard as though he'd been running for ages already. "But we shouldn't stay here."
He started walking but took care to not get too far ahead of Marshall and the light. The last thing he wanted right now was to trip over one of the bodies he knew was down here. He wanted to get far away from the basement as soon as possible.
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
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ViolentMedic
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“Right. Good idea. Should save our energy.”
Marshall kept pace behind Kai as they moved down the tunnels, making sure to direct the flashlight in front.
“You apologized before you ran off. I wanted to say that there’s not anything to apologize for. I mishandled the situation. And… and every situation afterwards. If you’d stuck around--”
Maybe it would have gone better. Maybe he would have caught up to Jess before she froze to death. Maybe having one more person would have made the safehouse defensible, or at least less empty and irrelevant. Or maybe he would have gotten shot or frozen to death, like everyone else. In the end, they were all just theories.
“Well, you weren’t going to. I’m sorry for yelling and grabbing you. And losing Jess. And everything else.”
They’d be coming up on Derek and Chiara soon. But apologies first. Then questions.
Marshall kept pace behind Kai as they moved down the tunnels, making sure to direct the flashlight in front.
“You apologized before you ran off. I wanted to say that there’s not anything to apologize for. I mishandled the situation. And… and every situation afterwards. If you’d stuck around--”
Maybe it would have gone better. Maybe he would have caught up to Jess before she froze to death. Maybe having one more person would have made the safehouse defensible, or at least less empty and irrelevant. Or maybe he would have gotten shot or frozen to death, like everyone else. In the end, they were all just theories.
“Well, you weren’t going to. I’m sorry for yelling and grabbing you. And losing Jess. And everything else.”
They’d be coming up on Derek and Chiara soon. But apologies first. Then questions.
Kai stayed quiet as Marshall spoke and for a while afterwards, considering. The only noise in between were their footsteps, just a bit out of synch with each other as they echoed off the concrete walls.
"I think there's a lot to be sorry for," he eventually said. "But. Thanks, I guess."
Quiet again. He followed Marshall's flashlight with his eyes, well aware of what was going to come into sight soon.
"I wish that things had turned out better for you guys." Kai had never believed in Chloe's plan. Not really, even before the blowup. But it had been a nice dream.
"I think there's a lot to be sorry for," he eventually said. "But. Thanks, I guess."
Quiet again. He followed Marshall's flashlight with his eyes, well aware of what was going to come into sight soon.
"I wish that things had turned out better for you guys." Kai had never believed in Chloe's plan. Not really, even before the blowup. But it had been a nice dream.
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
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ViolentMedic
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“I wish that, too. It would have been nice. Who knows. Maybe Richard and the others are doing better,” Marshall said, looking down at his bandaged hand. His tone wasn’t hopeful. “They have a gun, at least. I think I trust Richard to be more decent about it than some. Maybe they’ll avoid being pushed around.”
Marshall tried to smile at the thought, but he couldn’t hold it on his face for long and immediately it lapsed back into a frown. The flesh under the bandages twitched in an attempt to clasp his hand, and pain shot through his arm.
“I hate that having a gun matters so much. That people like DeMarcus and Matthew can enforce the will that they think is right. It’s not… it’s not how things should be.”
Two shapes further in. The ones Marshall had already seen, slightly rearranged from how they’d been when Kai last saw them.
“I won’t push it if you don’t want to answer. I’m getting better at that, or California might have left by now,” Marshall said quietly. “But I have to ask once. Why did you kill Derek?”
His tone wasn’t accusatory. Not even really curious. It was closer to someone taking a report at a crime scene during the end of a very long shift.
Marshall tried to smile at the thought, but he couldn’t hold it on his face for long and immediately it lapsed back into a frown. The flesh under the bandages twitched in an attempt to clasp his hand, and pain shot through his arm.
“I hate that having a gun matters so much. That people like DeMarcus and Matthew can enforce the will that they think is right. It’s not… it’s not how things should be.”
Two shapes further in. The ones Marshall had already seen, slightly rearranged from how they’d been when Kai last saw them.
“I won’t push it if you don’t want to answer. I’m getting better at that, or California might have left by now,” Marshall said quietly. “But I have to ask once. Why did you kill Derek?”
His tone wasn’t accusatory. Not even really curious. It was closer to someone taking a report at a crime scene during the end of a very long shift.
Kai came to a stop for a moment when they reached the bodies, even with the sense of urgency that still prickled at the back of his neck. He made himself look at them but could only manage it for a few seconds before he had to look away. The bundle of weapons shifted uneasily in his arms.
He wasn't sure if he was going to answer Marshall right up until the words came out. "I wasn't trying to kill him." It sounded like an excuse and he knew it, but it was the truth all the same.
The ringing in Kai's ear still hadn't gone away. Probably wasn't going to. He'd gotten used enough to it or been distracted enough with everything going on, but he became aware of it once again as they stood there. "I was trying to stop him from shooting Kitty. I- had my arm around his neck." He stopped again and swallowed thickly.
It was weird that he could say everything plainly like that. A step-by-step countdown of how everything went wrong. One simple mistake at a time. "I guess I- just didn't think about what might happen."
It was the kind of mistake that people made all the time. Just acting and not thinking of all the possible consequences. The more accurate thing to say was that Kai hadn't been thinking of what might happen to Derek. Not by his own hands, at least.
He'd had a choice in that situation: pick one person to save. Like every time before it, he had picked Kitty.
Who was he saving now?
Kai let out a slow, controlled exhale and then stepped around the bodies and continued down the tunnel. "Sorry if you were hoping for a better reason. There isn't one."
He wasn't sure if he was going to answer Marshall right up until the words came out. "I wasn't trying to kill him." It sounded like an excuse and he knew it, but it was the truth all the same.
The ringing in Kai's ear still hadn't gone away. Probably wasn't going to. He'd gotten used enough to it or been distracted enough with everything going on, but he became aware of it once again as they stood there. "I was trying to stop him from shooting Kitty. I- had my arm around his neck." He stopped again and swallowed thickly.
It was weird that he could say everything plainly like that. A step-by-step countdown of how everything went wrong. One simple mistake at a time. "I guess I- just didn't think about what might happen."
It was the kind of mistake that people made all the time. Just acting and not thinking of all the possible consequences. The more accurate thing to say was that Kai hadn't been thinking of what might happen to Derek. Not by his own hands, at least.
He'd had a choice in that situation: pick one person to save. Like every time before it, he had picked Kitty.
Who was he saving now?
Kai let out a slow, controlled exhale and then stepped around the bodies and continued down the tunnel. "Sorry if you were hoping for a better reason. There isn't one."
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
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ViolentMedic
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“Best of the three reasons I’ve heard so far,” Marshall said, grimly but without hesitation. “Making a mistake and not thinking an action through, while trying to save someone you care about… it’s at least understandable.”
He stood by the corpses, gazing back down at them for a little longer, then kept moving. Maybe if he found some more sheets he could come back and cover them. But there was so little time. He probably couldn’t.
“Can’t say if it’s forgiveable… but I’m glad you feel bad about it. Means you haven’t lost it. Might be all we can do in this sort of game. I mean...”
Marshall glanced back the way they’d come, back towards the basement.
“I don’t even know if this is right. Disarming feels too temporary. But if you couldn’t talk her down, I don’t think anyone could. And the idea of killing her feels wrong. Can’t just be judge, jury and executioner… it’s just a different dressing for the same game. Disarming’s the best option, but no option feels like an A.”
He wasn’t even fully sure, particularly without meeting her face to face, if it was right to stop Katelyn at all. If this game was impossible to escape from… and if she was trying her hardest to survive and win, it felt like she was earning that trip out. If Marshall thought of any other sort of game, he’d want whoever played hardest to win. If someone had to win this game...
He didn’t say that part out loud. He didn’t think it would sit well, and it’d clash with everything else. Why couldn’t there be a textbook about the game for them to go off? One that answered all these considerations for him?
“Will you stay with California?”
For a moment he stared a little too hard at Kai, thinking that if Kai hadn’t saved him from the cold on that first day that he would never have been faced with these thoughts. He would have died a much happier person, most likely.
He stood by the corpses, gazing back down at them for a little longer, then kept moving. Maybe if he found some more sheets he could come back and cover them. But there was so little time. He probably couldn’t.
“Can’t say if it’s forgiveable… but I’m glad you feel bad about it. Means you haven’t lost it. Might be all we can do in this sort of game. I mean...”
Marshall glanced back the way they’d come, back towards the basement.
“I don’t even know if this is right. Disarming feels too temporary. But if you couldn’t talk her down, I don’t think anyone could. And the idea of killing her feels wrong. Can’t just be judge, jury and executioner… it’s just a different dressing for the same game. Disarming’s the best option, but no option feels like an A.”
He wasn’t even fully sure, particularly without meeting her face to face, if it was right to stop Katelyn at all. If this game was impossible to escape from… and if she was trying her hardest to survive and win, it felt like she was earning that trip out. If Marshall thought of any other sort of game, he’d want whoever played hardest to win. If someone had to win this game...
He didn’t say that part out loud. He didn’t think it would sit well, and it’d clash with everything else. Why couldn’t there be a textbook about the game for them to go off? One that answered all these considerations for him?
“Will you stay with California?”
For a moment he stared a little too hard at Kai, thinking that if Kai hadn’t saved him from the cold on that first day that he would never have been faced with these thoughts. He would have died a much happier person, most likely.
Kai had already understood that he and Marshall had some fundamental differences in philosophy. What Marshall was saying just underlined that. He didn't think that feeling guilty about a murder made someone less bad or less crazy, or whatever Marshall was getting at. Kitty's guilt hadn't stopped her this far. If Kai had the choice put in front of him again in real time and had to know that the outcome was Kitty's death or Derek's, he still thought he would have picked her.
One thing he did agree on: there was no Plan A. No best-case scenario to believe in. No "better" choice. Just the choices you thought that you could live with, or at least the ones that you couldn't live with not making, damn the consequences.
The last question was easy to answer, at least.
"Yeah. If I can." Kai hoped that Cali was already well on her way to one of the meeting places they'd designated. It hadn't occurred to him st the time to hand the shotgun to her, but he wished that he had. Given the scene he'd come back to in the basement, he didn't think that Kitty would have noticed its absence.
"What about you? What are you doing next?" He guessed he wouldn't have minded Marshall staying around for a bit. Even if it seemed inevitable that they'd stumble over something else that they didn't see eye to eye on.
There'd never really been a guarantee with "goodbye." You just assumed that you'd see someone again most of the time, but it was never a sure thing.
One thing he did agree on: there was no Plan A. No best-case scenario to believe in. No "better" choice. Just the choices you thought that you could live with, or at least the ones that you couldn't live with not making, damn the consequences.
The last question was easy to answer, at least.
"Yeah. If I can." Kai hoped that Cali was already well on her way to one of the meeting places they'd designated. It hadn't occurred to him st the time to hand the shotgun to her, but he wished that he had. Given the scene he'd come back to in the basement, he didn't think that Kitty would have noticed its absence.
"What about you? What are you doing next?" He guessed he wouldn't have minded Marshall staying around for a bit. Even if it seemed inevitable that they'd stumble over something else that they didn't see eye to eye on.
There'd never really been a guarantee with "goodbye." You just assumed that you'd see someone again most of the time, but it was never a sure thing.
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
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Marshall broke his gaze on Kai, instead staring back ahead as they continued on.
“I don’t know. I don't have a plan, once you're back with California.”
Having a friend in the way that Kai was friends with California, or even had been with Katelyn… Marshall had plenty of people he was friendly with – Chloé, Lúcio, others from council or lacrosse or the bodybuilding club, people like Ingrid who he’d argued with enough to paradoxically consider them friends, or people like Dani who he’d just known for a really long time – but never friends like that. There were people Marshall wanted answers from, or to talk to because he owed them something, or because he felt responsible for their actions as a captain… but no-one left he wanted to talk to for his own sake, in the same way that Kai and California had needed to find each other.
“I’ll come back with you to make sure she’s alright. I found some tobacco in that room we found you near. She might have use for it. I wanted one cigarette, just because I’d never tried it. But I don’t have the dexterity to roll it up. I’ll… I’ll think about the rest after.”
They found the ladder that would lead them upwards again. Marshall shone the flashlight upwards to the hatch.
“I can carry things up if they’re in a bag, if you need to free up your arms. Can probably tuck some things under my elbow. You better climb first, while I’ve got the flashlight out.”
“I don’t know. I don't have a plan, once you're back with California.”
Having a friend in the way that Kai was friends with California, or even had been with Katelyn… Marshall had plenty of people he was friendly with – Chloé, Lúcio, others from council or lacrosse or the bodybuilding club, people like Ingrid who he’d argued with enough to paradoxically consider them friends, or people like Dani who he’d just known for a really long time – but never friends like that. There were people Marshall wanted answers from, or to talk to because he owed them something, or because he felt responsible for their actions as a captain… but no-one left he wanted to talk to for his own sake, in the same way that Kai and California had needed to find each other.
“I’ll come back with you to make sure she’s alright. I found some tobacco in that room we found you near. She might have use for it. I wanted one cigarette, just because I’d never tried it. But I don’t have the dexterity to roll it up. I’ll… I’ll think about the rest after.”
They found the ladder that would lead them upwards again. Marshall shone the flashlight upwards to the hatch.
“I can carry things up if they’re in a bag, if you need to free up your arms. Can probably tuck some things under my elbow. You better climb first, while I’ve got the flashlight out.”
In spite of everything, Kai almost smiled when Marshall confessed that he wanted to try a cigarette just because he never had before. If he could have forgotten the circumstances and the obvious reason why Marshall was thinking about it, maybe he would have managed the smile.
"I've never tried it either," he said just because that felt like the most normal thing to respond with. "Maybe-"
Maybe we could try it together, he'd started to say. That felt like pushing the boundaries of whatever this tenuous alliance was. He couldn't say they were friends, especially after the way they'd parted the first time. Allies for the moment but effective strangers for the most part. That was how it had always been for Kai with most of his classmates.
"If Cali's stuck with you this long, she probably wouldn't mind you staying," he said instead. With that, he slid his bag off his shoulder with some difficulty and handed it over to Marshall.
"Careful, it's heavy." Because it was full of guns, but he didn't elaborate.
Adjusting the other bundle, Kai eventually managed a somewhat awkward balance with it partially over one shoulder so that his hands were mostly free to climb. Then he used to point of light from the flashlight to guide him back up and out of the dark.
((Kai Rosado-Prince and Marshall West continued in The Golden Eel))
"I've never tried it either," he said just because that felt like the most normal thing to respond with. "Maybe-"
Maybe we could try it together, he'd started to say. That felt like pushing the boundaries of whatever this tenuous alliance was. He couldn't say they were friends, especially after the way they'd parted the first time. Allies for the moment but effective strangers for the most part. That was how it had always been for Kai with most of his classmates.
"If Cali's stuck with you this long, she probably wouldn't mind you staying," he said instead. With that, he slid his bag off his shoulder with some difficulty and handed it over to Marshall.
"Careful, it's heavy." Because it was full of guns, but he didn't elaborate.
Adjusting the other bundle, Kai eventually managed a somewhat awkward balance with it partially over one shoulder so that his hands were mostly free to climb. Then he used to point of light from the flashlight to guide him back up and out of the dark.
((Kai Rosado-Prince and Marshall West continued in The Golden Eel))
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."