Everything You've Always Wanted To Know

[KamiKaze]

((Mild content warning: discussion of sexual topics in the context of Health class))

Ever since Health appeared on her schedule for the semester, Emma knew it was coming.

There was a time in everyone's life where they had to learn about this sort of thing. Emma herself had read a bit about it. How you got pregnant, how the parts worked, why they worked the way they did, what happens during sex, what happens during pregnancy, childbirth, and everything. Being interested in medicine meant that a few of the books she had read covered that topic in detail. It was also kind of expected that a tenth grader would at least have a basic understanding of sex.

And yet, even with that, she couldn't be prepared for what was scheduled for today. Mrs. Barks had given a warning ahead of time. Multiple times leading up to it. Last class she had even passed around a handout about contraception. Right before that, it was the video on childbirth. That couldn't prepare her either. Nothing could prepare her for walking into the afternoon Health class and seeing the plastic bananas alongside what was not gum wrappers.

A few of her classmates were already here. Health had always been a mixture of grades, though mostly freshmen and sophomore. As she stepped further into the science classroom, she could hear awkward chuckling and jokes. Perhaps they were as nervous as she was?

She didn't need to be nervous, Emma kept trying to tell herself. It was just learning about the human body, like usual. Emma liked the subject, after all. It was like learning about another part of the body, like… digestion! Digestion was a good one. Like reproduction, it has its own taboos. What was the difference between Mrs. Barks telling them about eating habits and safe sex?

Okay, a lot of things. For starters, eating doesn't usually involve fluid exchange between people. Or the chance of… you know, making a baby. Oh, who was she kidding? It was still learning about sex in front of a bunch of people.

Emma sat down at a table, placing her notebook, pencil case, and a smoothie drink in front of her. It wasn't going to be bad, it was just another part of what human bodies do. Right? Right. Taboos? Sex has taboos. But, it's still a bodily function. It was just... awkward discussing it in class for some reason.

As Mrs. Barks started class, Emma watched her, fiddling with her drink absentmindedly. She was getting used to hearing her talk about the topic, but not enough. Today was the day they had to learn how to put on a condom. Emma had picked up on that long before Mrs. Barks said it. The bananas and condoms were a pretty good sign.

Now it was time to group up. Emma slid upwards and stretched her muscles for a few seconds. She usually liked group-work. What wasn't there to like? People just learning and working on a project together. Emma loved it. But this time… she wasn't so sure.

Emma reached for her drink, and frowned. Mrs. Barks didn't mind her eating in class, as long as she wasn't disruptive. She understood that Emma needed all the energy she could get to stay alert, and was willing to help her any way she could with studying and lectures. Right now, she didn't feel too tired. It helped that she had P.E. before this. Exercising and getting her blood flowing helped with her drowsiness. The smoothie was a treat for the day, but only just after P.E. had she been sipping away at it.

She just wished she didn't pick the strawberry-banana.

[Yugikun]

Jeremy Frasier had entered the classroom long before anyone else had. He'd been sitting there silent for a while now, but that didn't really bother him. It was like this every week. The bell would ring and Jeremy would immediately start walking as hard and as fast as he could to his next class. Maybe if he was talking to someone he'd end the conversation, but other than that, he didn't waste any time. Today was no different, he had been the first in the classroom, and so he unpacked. Book and pen. While he waited, he had gotten the book he was going to read out. The Andalite Chronicles. He found it at a book fair the other weekend, and he hadn't hesitated to pay out a dollar and add it to his Animorphs collection. Hadn't gotten the chance to read it until now though.

More people soon came in, though, and he put the book back into his bag, lest people see him reading them and thinking he was a nerd, or something. Well, no, he was pretty sure that everyone knew that he was a massive nerd at this point, but he wanted to show that there were other things to him than that. He hadn't really gotten far, anyway. He flipped through the pages in order to see the page flippy thing and it was one of the super annoying ones where the page flippy thing was all along the bottom page rather than in the bottom right corner. How could you flip pages so that you could actually see the page flippy thing? Jeremy didn't know, but he figured that he got the main gist of the page flippy things story. There was a spaceship chasing a UFO and then the spaceship goes around the solar system and then it's blank for a little bit until the spaceship goes through a wormhole. Riveting stuff. Well, that wasn't really fair. Maybe he'd understand it once he actually got a chance to read the book.

But anyway, back to the story. Jeremy put his book back in his bag as Emma Aguilar Luz showed up and sat on his table. He said hi, she said hi back, all was good in the world. That was most of their relationship with each other. Sometimes he'd say funny things and it'd make her laugh, sometimes he'd say funny things and she'd get slightly annoyed at him. Probably depended on the day, really. Didn't she have sleeping issues? Maybe, he forgot. That was probably why she was able to have that smoothie. Why couldn't he have a smoothie? He'd love to have a smoothie in class if it weren't for the fact that smoothies weren't something he drank. He was a milkshake kid, and he didn't understand why everybody else wasn't.

After a bit, there were enough people in the class for Mrs Banks to start it; and yep, they were putting condoms on people. That was probably why there were bananas and packets all over the classroom. It wasn't really an activity he was really interested in; sex in general wasn't really something he really wanted to do, but hey, if he did this he was at least not going to get an F for Health. Not like he was going to get an F for health but hey, better safe than sorry. They were supposed to get into groups to do this for… some reason. Did it take multiple people to put on a condom? If the answer to that was yes then that was a pretty major design flaw. Well, you probably needed multiple people for sex so eh, at least the design flaw was compensated somewhere. He saw Emma get up next to him. He supposed that he had to work with her because they were on the same table and such, but he wasn't going to be the person to voice that out. He decided that being the person who said "Hey, do you wanna help me put on a condom?" probably wasn't something he wanted to be known for.

So he waited a bit, not standing up. It'd look kinda awkward if he stood up and stretched a bit right after someone on the same table did.

[ViolentMedic]

Danny hadn't been paying attention for the most part, to be honest. He'd spent most of the lesson doodling in his book (he was on a dwarf kick, so there were a lot of beards and hammers and stuff) instead of looking at his teacher, or the pile of plastic bananas.

It's not like it mattered. It was 10th grade. People knew about sex by now. If Mrs. Banks thought otherwise she was out of the times. They didn't need all these classes. Okay, they probably did, because, y'know… safety and not wanting random pregnancies and all that. But still.

He only looked up once Mrs. Banks told them to divide into groups. Wait, divide into groups? For putting on condoms? Wasn't that… a little awkward? Did he really need a second-in-command to help him put a condom on a banana?

Danny frowned at his latest dwarf drawing—this one was some weird warrior from some invented fantasy religion that he'd invented but forgotten half the details about—before shutting his book and dragging his chair towards the nearest cluster of people. At this point, that was Jeremy and Emma, neither of who he was too familiar with. Okay, he knew of Emma because she was always doing stuff and was everywhere. And Jeremy was super tall, so that was a thing.

"Hey. Is this a group? Can I join?"

[Aster]

Oh boy, sex ed. Sex ed was hilarious.

Haley acknowledged that it was a vital class and provided fundamental knowledge on one of the most basic topics of human life, but they also acknowledged that they couldn't take the topic seriously. Haley may be a high schol freshman now, but they still had the sense of humor of a middle schooler. They'd heckled the childbirth video and giggled during the lectures. Mrs. Barks had reprimanded them several times before, and Haley had run out of second chances. They needed to make some effort to control themselves.

But bananas and condoms? Haley lost it.

This was yet another important lesson, but one Haley wasn't sure they needed to have. The penis-having part of the class would benefit, but Haley? They  didn't have one, and the only time they'd have to do this was to help someone else put it on. And that would be awkward. Who'd ask their partner to slip their dick into a rubber sheath? Haley wouldn't, but they didn't have one. Haley had also never been in a remotely sexual situation their whole life. They couldn't know for sure.

They had to be in groups to do this? That was an odd choice. Did putting on a condom involve group effort? Haley figured it saved the class from sitting in silence and fiddling with their bananas, but having three or four people doing it together was just as awkward

As they formed groups, Haley immediately gravitated towards a girl across the room. Good ol' cousin Emma. This activity would be a whole lot more fun with her, despite being an older relative. She was already grouped up with two other sophomores, but four was an acceptable group size. At least being the youngest excused their mindset.

"Heya, Emma," Haley said as they strolled up to the trio, nodding at the other two. "Y'all ready to use the power of teamwork to put these condoms on bananas?"

[KamiKaze]

There were plenty of people Emma could work with. Emma liked people, but she also didn't like the idea of going up to them and asking them to help her put a condom on a banana. That would be the most awkward question she'd ever had to ask. Ever. Why group work, anyways? Maybe because Mrs. Barks didn't have enough plastic bananas for everyone? Maybe? Who knows?

Maybe she could ask Jeremy? Jeremy was cool. A little sarcastic, maybe, but Emma didn't mind doing working with him. They had sat at the same table all semester, and they both were part of the orchestra. Though, Danny Brooks was also coming this way. She knew Danny, he was one of the football kids. Receiver, wasn't he? She heard… stories, about him and girls, but she didn't think he was a bad person. That might make putting condoms on bananas with him more awkward, though.

However, he asked. Quite awkwardly, too. Well, looks like she had started a group?

"Sure, we can group up," she said. "What about you, Jeremy?"

It couldn't hurt to ask.

Then Haley showed up. Banana-condom activities with a cousin had both its advantages and disadvantages in the "awkward" department. But, four was a good number, in her opinion. And Emma liked Haley, as well.

"I… guess I am", she replied, a small smile on her face.

[Yugikun]

Jeremy looked around a bit after a couple of seconds. He should probably get into a group with someone. He didn't really know who though, or how to approach someone with the topic. There was just something about approaching someone with the aim for them to help him put on a condom which kinda just made people turn off the idea of interacting with him. Luckily for him, Danny Brooks came over to his table, and asked if he could join their "group". Knowing the situation, group wouldn't have been the words that Jeremy would have used but hey, whatever, he was in a group now. He didn't really know much about Danny other than that he was a little bit of a flirt, but Jeremy was feeling a little chipper today, he could feel like making a new friend.

Emma allowed Danny to group up with her and asked Jeremy if he wanted to join along. "Yeah, sure." Sweet, he dodged a bullet. Now he didn't have to ask someone to join their group.

...Although now he had to place a condom on a banana, so he wasn't totally out of the water just yet. Thinking forward, though, it seemed to be more of a two step trial, with the first already done. Nothing worth making a list for, and once he was done he could maybe mess with the others a bit.

Another person came to their table. Haley Luz. She- wait, no; they were in the year below him, and was apparently genderless. He wasn't quite sure how that worked, but he wasn't really into barging into someone else's super private thoughts. She was related to Emma, so she probably wasn't too bad, though. Now they had four, which Jeremy supposed was a pretty good number for a group.

"So now that we have four, do we start? I doubt that it takes more than that to put on a condom."

[ViolentMedic]

Another girl turned up. No, wait, that was Haley, and she—they—were like… some sort of in-between thing or not a gender or something? Danny didn't get it, to be honest, but whatever floats their boat. Wasn't his problem.

Emma and Jeremy seemed cool with him joining up, too, so that was good. Better than being kicked out to wander, confused and alone, among the jungle of bananas and condoms. Or maybe that was better. He'd decide later.

"Four seems good to me. Though, I'm not sure really why this has to be done in teams to begin with. It's not a sport. ...I mean, unless we go 'first one to roll it on wins.'" After a moment of consideration and a glance around the room at the other forming teams, Danny added, "I mean, we could totally do it faster than any other team but… yeah. I -I mean not that, uh… my point was… four is good!"

[Aster]

The upperclassmen accepted Haley into their fold. Haley only knew the other two boys by name and what little information they'd heard about them. They knew that Danny was on the football team, but knew almost nothing about Jeremy. They were only classmates, but Haley was open to socializing with them. After all, The best way to get to know people was over a sex ed lesson.

Their foursome was official. "A competition, huh?" Haley chimed in, ears perked at Danny's little joke. "That sounds like a blast. It'd get people excited about this ." They motioned at the nearest table and giggled. "Not that this isn't already super engaging."

They plopped down in a seat, reaching over and picking up a condom wrapper. "But we can't just stand around and twiddle our fingers." They stifled a laugh as they held the wrapper up and shook it. "Let's get our hands dirty."

[KamiKaze]

"Let's get our hands dirty"? That phrasing... only made things more weird. Maybe it was intentional. Since it was Haley, she might do that on purpose.

They, Emma reminded herself mentally. Not she. The whole gender thing was still a little confusing to her, to be honest. When Emma first heard about it, she'd assumed that it meant that Haley wanted to be a boy. Actually, they didn't want to be either, it turned out. So, she tried to keep that in mind. Not a boy, not a girl. Emma didn't have an clue that you could be anything else before it came up, but there you go.

Anyways, a competition to who can put condoms on bananas the fastest? That'd actually be fun. Make things less awkward, maybe? Even if it was a joke.

Emma sat back down, gently placing her things back on the table.

"Right," she said.

She reached for the plastic banana sitting on the table. Haley had already grabbed a condom, so it might be a good idea to ask them.

"Haley? Do you want to start first?"

[Yugikun]

"That's what she said," Jeremy replied to Danny in a sing-song kind of tone. Hey, someone had to say it. They were in the sex-ed class that at this point was probably going to be from hell, so twelvie jokes were the least he could do to make the situation better. Well, better for him, anyway; maybe Haley too, she seemed to be having a bit of fun with the situation. Looking at Danny and Emma he doubted that they were going to enjoy this. Danny was already stumbling through his sentences and Emma's tone of voice became more and more awkward the longer they were here. For Jeremy, though? He was fueled by the suffering of others. The longer he was here, the more chipper he became.

Someone suggested that they start a competition to see who could put a condom on the fastest, and everyone sat around the table. "A foursome it is then." Jeremy said, under his breath. He was kind of ashamed of that remark, but hey, it was sex ed. He needed to say as much sexual innuendo as possible while he had the chance, and even though nothing had happened that he could play off of so far, the tone of the class so far meant that it wasn't really out of place.

Emma held the banana up, and- wait was that actually a banana? This didn't really look like a real one. This was smaller, the yellow seemed more forced. He could see an outline near the bottom of it. It could be possible that the school happened to grow bananas that looked like plastic, but even then it was still worth checking out. "Wait, hold up."

He pointed at the banana, which Emma was almost going to give to Haley. Whatever the banana actually was, he wanted Emma to be the first one to see it. "I don't think we're supposed to put the condom on the top of the banana. Look at the circle outline thing on the bottom. The banana skin is a cap." He looked over at Haley, sh-

Wait, no. They. Uuuuuuugh. The whole "having no gender" thing was going to be super annoying, he could tell already. He wondered how many times he was going to call them a she before the lesson was done? Oh well, if he only called her a they out loud she wasn't going to get pissed.

"I mean, I know that your cousin's aching to just do it right now, but we gotta make sure that they do it right, y'know?"

Oh hey, accidental innuendo. Neat. This class was going to be fun already.

[ViolentMedic]

Okay. Innuendos was apparently what the group was going for. Yaaay.

Danny prodded at the table, looking mildly uncomfortable. Although, really, the innuendos didn't make everything that much more uncomfortable, if only because this stuff was uncomfortable to begin with. Seriously, why'd they have to do this in a group? Whose idea was this?

Did he need to make innuendos, now? Otherwise they'd know he was uncomfortable, and they'd think he was uncomfortable with actual sex, which he totally wasn't, and then he'd be that weird guy who runs away from things forever. Even though that'd only been, like, once. And he'd totally only made excuses that time because it was just a bad day for it.

Danny only looked back up again when Jeremy mentioned the cap.

"Why would it have a cap, though? Maybe it's just the seam where they, y'know… glued this together or whatever. It probably doesn't actually move or—"

Danny reached over and twisted the thing briefly, but upon realising that it actually did seem to be about to come off he immediately let go of it again. He also let go because there was something intrinsically awkward about two people holding onto an item meant to represent a dick.

"Okay, yeah, that's a cap."

[Aster]

"Hell yeah I wanna start first," Haley grinned. Turns out Jeremy had a sense of humor, and a damn good eye too. He was the first to notice the banana was plastic, and that there was a cap. Danny fiddled with it for a split second and confirmed it. Things just got a whole lot more interesting. What secrets did this banana hold?

They took the banana from Emma's hands and began to unscrew it. It indeed was a plastic banana, but Haley could only guess what the screw was fo-

"Ohohhoh my god..."

Haley couldn't help but laugh. It was a penis. They were holding an honest to God penis. Haley hadn't seen many penises in their life, but this was definitely one. Real bananas would've been a smarter choice, Haley thought. It'd make things less awkward, since kids wouldn't have to practice on an actual penis. But hey, maybe Mrs. Barks wanted them to experience it with the real deal. Or maybe she didn't want to waste food.

Either way, Haley couldn't complain.

This was way funnier.

[KamiKaze]

Foursome. Do it right.

Maybe it was intentional, maybe it wasn't. No matter what, though, it was a bad choice of words. Emma guessed that innuendo was the theme of the day. Jeremy was right, though; it did seem to be some kind of cap.

It was only more awkward when Danny grabbed the banana while it was in Emma's hands, to check for a cap. For what, though? She remembered Mrs. Barks saying something about how the bananas were imported from Australia or a place like that, and that there was something special about them. She'd heard some stories too, from other people who had already taken the class, but she didn't understand what exactly they meant. It must have slipped her mind, though. But yeah, it was a cap.

A second pair of hands took the banana from her once Danny let go. Okay, so Haley was going first, then. Who next? Well, she could go after them, maybe get the weirdness over with?

Emma watched as they unscrewed the cap, only to reveal-

"Oh!"

She put her hands to her mouth as she saw what was under the cap. Was… was that what she thought it was? Haley seemed to find it funny. Emma… wasn't sure what to think. As she moved her hands away, she felt her face get a little red. For about five seconds, her jaw went slack. But once she was able to speak…

"I… didn't expect that!", she said.

Maybe she should have?

[Yugikun]

There were some things in this world that were just too beautiful to describe. Too amazing to put into words. Someone would just look at them and they wouldn't be able to find any abjectives that would be actually be able to capture the essence of the thing.

Like, think Niagara falls. You could pretty easily say that it was beautiful, but did that really capture the essence of the place? It was like how Jeremy normally said "good" to every meal he had. Sure, that was something that you could call it, but most of the meals he had were so much better than that that just saying it was good was an injustice. It was basically an adjective Jeremy used because he couldn't think of a proper way to describe it. It was like the word "beautiful," in a way. The word had been used so many times that it had just become a generic way to say that something looked good; a generic abjective to replace what couldn't be described.

And when the dick was pulled out of the banana, that was it. There was no way to describe it. No words in the english language could describe how beautiful the banana dick was.

So Jeremy just started laughing. Not a quiet laugh, mind you. A loud, high pitched cackle that the people sitting on the tables around him could probably hear. It was just so ridiculous, there was no way to describe it. Haley had just pulled off the top of a banana and then there it was, a model penis. He couldn't stop. The laughter kept coming out and he couldn't stop himself. He wasn't even sure how everybody else reacted, all he could think of was the creamy penis kept under the yellow exterior.

[ViolentMedic]

Aaaaaand that was a dildo. Because this wasn't awkward enough.

Danny let out a short, high-pitched and very nervous giggle before coughing and trying to look like that noise had not come out of him. Pfft, totally wasn't him. It was Jeremy, who was losing his shit over there. He could pass that off as being Jeremy.

"Well. That's a thing," Danny said, voice mostly under control.

Jeremy was still laughing. He gave Jeremy a brief pat on the shoulder.

"Breathe, man. Just… breathe. Although if you die laughing we all get As without having to do the work. That's totally a rule."

This was ludicrous enough that he'd done a loop, and a weird sense of calmness had come over him.