Charity "Beelzebub" Smith

[VoltTurtle]

Name: Charity "Beelzebub" Smith
Gender: Female
Age: 19
Grade: 12
School: Southwest Red Rock High School
Hobbies and Interests: Guitar, Weightlifting, Punk Music, Punk Fashion, Satanism, Anarchism, Fighting, Recreational Crimes, Guinea Pigs

Appearance: Charity—or "Beelzebub" as she prefers to be called—is above average in height at 5'9" and heavy at 187 pounds, with a very muscular build from weightlifting. Her body is cello-shaped, with broad, muscular shoulders and arms, an average chest, slight waist, wide hips, and thick, muscular legs. Her face is oval-shaped and soft in spite of her otherwise imposing figure, with average features. Her eyes are naturally a soft blue, but she wears colored contacts in public to make them appear red. Her hair is kept in an undercut, with the right side of her head shaved and the other kept long and flowing, hanging over the left side of her head. While it is naturally a bright sunny blonde, she aggressively keeps it dyed hot pink. Her skin is naturally pale, though she has a light tan from spending extended periods outside and without sunscreen. Her complexion is mostly clear, with freckles lightly dotting her face and arms and the occasional small scars from fighting dotting most of her body. Her lips are pierced with dahlia bites and snake bites, and both of her ears are pierced at the helix, conch, upper lobe, and lobe. Her posture is usually casual but confident regardless of circumstances. Her voice is usually heard as a gruff and raspy contralto, but part of this is a deliberate act, and when speaking without any affectation, her voice is a weary mezzo-soprano.

Charity is usually found wearing various tank tops with a pair of worn dark navy jeans and black, knee-high combat boots. She usually has identical black jewelry spikes threaded through the various piercings on her ears, studs in her dahlia bites, and rings in her snake bites. Whenever she is out in public, she can be seen wearing a red pentagram necklace and various thick spiked bracelets and armbands, along with a cheap plastic headband with maroon devil horns purchased from a Halloween store. She does not change her typical attire for formal occasions, and takes pride in not doing so.

On the day of the abduction, Charity was wearing her usual jewelry and accessories, along with a dark red tank top bearing the words "SATAN IS MY DADDY" in sparkly hot-pink, her worn dark navy jeans, and black knee-high combat boots.

Biography: Charity Smith was born on October 27th in Elwood, Utah to Peter Smith and Mabel Smith. She is the second child of seven, her siblings being her older brother Patience, younger brothers Humility and Diligence, and younger sisters Temperance, Kindness, and Chastity. The family lives and works on a family farm passed down through the generations on Peter's side of the family. Peter and Mabel initially met while he was out on missionary work for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, successfully convincing her to convert and later marrying her after a long period of courtship.

Charity was raised in a highly religious, conservative, and traditional household, expected to abide by strict gender roles and learn from and imitate the older women in the family, primarily her mother. The family would regularly attend Sunday service at the local chapel for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, of which Peter was considered an upstanding member and known for his generous donations. Charity and her siblings were all homeschooled, and while the lesson plans were competently put together and taught by Mabel, this choice denied Charity the chance to meet anyone outside of her immediate family and the Church. From the beginning of her life, she was indoctrinated into the Church, and while she chafed at the many restrictions placed upon her and her behavior (including many skills and hobbies that she would abandon and never return to later in life) she ultimately became a part of the church and a believer in Mormonism. While her family was loving on the surface, that love was always conditioned on good behavior as defined by Peter, with discipline and punishments for straying from it. These punishments were something Charity experienced frequently due to trying to participate in activities that were deemed only for boys, skipping out on activities with her mother and sisters, talking back to her parents, and frequently lying among other less frequent behaviors.

One of the few things Charity was allowed to choose for herself were her pets, becoming very interested in guinea pigs after seeing some during a routine trip to the pet store to buy supplies for the family's barn dog. Finding them unbearably cute, Charity begged her mom and dad for months and months to let her have some, and after reasoning that caring for them would be akin to caring for children, they decided to get her two when she was six years old. She would name these pigs "Butter" and "Syrup", and they would quickly become her top priority, with Charity reading guides on how to best care for them and spending most of her free time with them, either tending to them, holding them, or playing with them.

Periodically, the children of the family would be brought along with their mother to visit their maternal grandparents, Louie and Angelica Burns, who lived in Las Vegas, Nevada. Charity would quickly become far closer to her grandparents than anyone else in her extended family, due to Louie and Angelica being non-theistic, open-minded, and progressive. Unlike in her immediate family, their love was unconditional, and they encouraged all of the family's children to try new things and see the sights of the city during these visits.

It was during one of these visits that Charity expressed interest in Patience's guitar playing, something that he was taught by their father, but she had been denied due to it being considered an "instrument for men" by Peter. Patience decided to start teaching her in secret, bringing his guitar with them on their visits, and although she was being taught by someone who was barely better than her, she greatly enjoyed the opportunity to play and experiment with music, seeing it both as a means to express her otherwise restricted self and also as a way to bond with her brother as they took turns playing church songs. While she wouldn't become competent at playing the guitar until much later in her life, she cherished this time spent with her brother immensely, and it began to make her seriously question the restrictions placed upon them by their parents.

Unfortunately, these visits would become much more infrequent after Charity turned eight years old, after an argument between Peter and Mabel where he expressed the belief that Louie and Angelica were "corrupting" his children. While Mabel was able to soothe most of her husband's concerns, she wasn't able to assuage his distrust completely, and they ultimately compromised by reducing the visits to only three times a year instead of once a month. With much of the freedom afforded to Charity by her grandparents being ripped from her life, she would chafe even more against the restrictive nature of her household and its rules.

Shortly afterwards, Charity's uncle John, Peter's older brother, moved into their family household after a falling out with his ex-wife, having lost his house and his job after their divorce. While living with the family, John took an interest in Charity and, over the course of a year, steadily gained her trust by giving her gifts her parents wouldn't get for her, taking her places she wanted to go against her parents' wishes, and spending time alone with her. Charity appreciated the freedom that John offered her as a replacement for the freedom that she would've otherwise gotten from visiting her grandparents. Despite their relationship being strange, her parents paid no mind to them, already having a long and trusting relationship with John, along with considering him a moral, upstanding member of the church.

After having gained her trust, John began to touch Charity, at first harmlessly through asking for hugs, and then more inappropriately by offering massages, which Charity innocently allowed. Eventually, he would begin talking to Charity about sexual topics when they were alone together, something her parents had previously avoided discussing with her due to her young age. Despite the warning signs, Charity engaged with these discussions due to, at that point, viewing John as her "cool uncle" that affirmed her freedom, and the discussion as a forbidden fruit. This would then progress further into John sexually taking advantage of Charity, initially gaining her nominal consent despite her fear and discomfort, but he began to make threats of retributive physical violence once she had second thoughts. Fearful of the consequences of telling her parents, Charity endured the abuse, hoping that once John obtained another job that he would move out and she would be free of him. Unfortunately, John stayed with the family even after gaining a new job, contributing to the household financially and further entrenching himself.

Charity remained fearful of John's retaliation for quite a while, initially keeping what was happening to her entirely to herself. It took her enduring her uncle's abuse for another year before she would confide in her older brother about what was happening. Despite having Patience's support, Charity would downplay the severity of the abuse to him and insist that he stay out of it and let her deal with it on her own. This was due to her fear of burdening her brother with what she viewed as her own problems, and also her fear that John's retaliation would affect him as well. As a result, Charity wouldn't reveal the full extent of the abuse to him until right before things came to a boiling point.

Charity continued to endure her uncle's abuse for another year after revealing her troubles to Patience. At this point, the rest of her siblings and parents would begin to become aware that something was wrong, though Charity continued to not reveal the true nature of her issues despite her visible discomfort around John. Once she was unable to continue suffering at his hands any longer, the then-11-year-old Charity opted to arm herself with a knife from her parent's kitchen, keeping it hidden under her bed's pillow. John would later attempt to put his hands on her while she was asleep in her bedroom, and in a panic, Charity stabbed him once before being subdued. The stab wound ended up being too severe to cover up or plausibly hide, and John was taken to the hospital while Charity was arrested by the police and taken into custody, being briefly held in a juvenile detention center, Ogden Utah Juvenile Justice, while the trial proceeded.

While Charity's identity was kept hidden by local news, the case ended up shocking her small community, the nature of it spreading like wildfire. She was initially charged with First-Degree Attempted Murder along with several other less serious charges. When a plea bargain was unable to be reached, the case went to trial, and Charity was represented by a public defender who would argue that Charity acted in self-defense. During the trial, Patience testified to the nature of the abuse taking place, while the rest of her siblings and parents testified to her clear discomfort around John. Charity herself testified that she feared for her life and safety whenever she was around John. While the allegations against John were unable to be conclusively proven, the judge in charge of the trial, Rosalind Griffith, herself a victim of childhood sexual abuse, sympathized with Charity's circumstances. Due to Charity's young age during the attack, the location where it took place, the testimonies of her family, the other evidence in her favor, and the sympathy of the presiding judge, Charity was judged Not Guilty on all charges.

This whole ordeal, from the abuse to the imprisonment, had a deep impact on Charity. While she felt humiliated and mistreated by the government of Utah for imprisoning her—even temporarily—for defending herself, along with a resentment towards her parents for not figuring out the abuse on their own, she also felt a strange sense of power, as she had taken matters into her own hands and ended the abuse she was experiencing by herself. This lesson, and the idea that she could only rely on herself and her own power to stop those who were taking advantage of her, would form the core foundation of Charity's personality and outlook on life as she grew older. In addition, her poor treatment by all of the authority figures in her life leading up to the trial would cause her to develop a persistent distrust, disrespect, and revulsion towards authority of any kind.

After the events of the trial were resolved, Child Protective Services would become involved in the family's life. While evidence proving John's guilt was too inconclusive to make any charges stick, he was removed from the household to protect Charity from further abuse or retaliation. Social workers would then regularly meet with Charity during this time, and while she was initially distrustful of them, she quickly realized she could use them for her own ends, with her ultimate goal being to move in with her much less restrictive grandparents. Keeping that goal in mind, Charity convinced the social workers assigned to her that she wasn't safe in her household. In the interest of not placing Charity into the foster care system, social workers contacted her maternal grandparents on her recommendation, and upon learning the details of her situation, they agreed to take Charity in. Her parents initially contested this transfer of custody, but eventually relented to focus their efforts on maintaining custody over their other children. Disinterested in taking anything besides her guinea pigs with her, Charity left almost everything behind in Elwood, moving in with her grandparents in Las Vegas, Nevada and enrolling in middle school there.

Charity initially struggled with the transition to the public school system, due to her various traumas and having spent the rest of her life receiving subpar homeschooling. While she demonstrated a surprisingly sharp intellect, she had little respect for the authorities of the school and did poorly both due to a combination of unfamiliarity with the material and a lack of interest in completing assignments. Initially placed in a grade appropriate for her age, she flunked all of her initial classes and had to attend summer school on top of being held back a year. Afterwards, she was able to barely scrape by with a mix of Cs and Ds mostly carried by her test scores. Charity hated all of her classes except for P.E., which was the only class she consistently got an A in. As a result of all of this, Charity would enter Southwest Red Rock High School a year later than her peers, and would maintain a barely acceptable GPA all the way up to her senior year.

After moving in with her grandparents, Charity was free to be whoever she wanted to be for the first time in her life. Both of her grandparents were very accommodating to her, in part due to their own attitudes and in part due to the difficult life Charity had lived up to that point. Over time, Charity would slowly begin to define herself in total opposition to her upbringing. She particularly resonated with the anger and anti-authority nature of punk culture, and took interest in both punk fashion and punk music. She found a deep catharsis in punk music, listening to it frequently and slowly learning to play the various riffs she heard on her own guitar, and sometimes even inventing her own riffs. She never played any of her music for anyone other than herself, as she preferred to play on her own without any pressure of a proper performance, and because she didn't consider sharing it to be necessary for her own enjoyment of the art.

Charity's looks, meanwhile, got more and more extreme over time, with her doing whatever she thought her dad would hate the most, eventually transforming from a demure and traditional Mormon girl to a buzzed-and-dyed butchy tomboy punk. This change felt freeing to her, and she enjoyed the rush she got from her rough and tumble exterior matching up with her inner feelings. Later on in her life, once she had turned eighteen and therefore didn't need her grandparents' permission, she would rapidly acquire the many piercings that now dot her face and ears, completing her present-day style.

In an effort to further change her appearance and also out of a desire to build the strength to never be taken advantage of again, Charity would begin weightlifting. While it was initially difficult for her and she started with no explicit regime, she quickly found that she enjoyed both the sore muscle feeling from working out along with her growing muscle mass and changing appearance, asking for a gym membership from her grandparents in order to lift heavier weights, something she now does as a regular activity. Charity's weightlifting is primarily focused on powerlifting, with squats, bench presses, and deadlifts being her favorite and most frequent exercises, rotating between them and rest days throughout the week so as to not stress or damage her body. Alongside this, she follows a loose diet that's high in protein along with a good mix of fats and carbs to help increase and maintain her gains in muscle mass.

Through her exposure to the punk scene, Charity was also introduced to and became interested in the political philosophy of Anarchism. Due to the philosophy's diametric opposition to the authority figures she so despised and the hierarchical structures she had spent much of her life trapped in, Charity took to it quickly and eagerly. Her understanding of Anarchism as an actual philosophy is limited solely to the basics, with Charity focused entirely on ideas of opposition to authority and rebellion against the status quo, rather than the more nuanced and mutualistic aspects of it. Despite this, she believes in it wholeheartedly, and combined with her poor experiences with the police, ended up instilling in her a deep disrespect for and disregard of the law and the state.

During this time that she was redefining herself, Charity also began to learn more of modern-day Satanism. She had been familiar with Satan and Satanists as boogeymen in her religion, but as she grew more and more distant from the Church with time, she began to reexamine what she had been taught and seek out alternative perspectives, particularly on the internet. She encountered non-theistic Satanism first, and while agreeing with the philosophy behind it, found it uncompelling. Despite her growing distaste for organized religion, she still believed that higher powers such as God and Satan were real as a result of the indoctrination she experienced. Due to her poor experiences inside the Church as well as her Anarchistic tendencies causing her to question dominant narratives, she instead began to believe that Satan was actually the one in the right, and that God was a not-so-secretly evil deity that had simply tricked the world into worshipping it. As a result, she found herself drawn to smaller groups of theistic Satanists, and began to style herself as one as well, praying to and worshipping Satan instead of God.

All of these changes to herself and her life would eventually culminate in Charity rejecting her upbringing entirely, fully committing to her Satanic worship as the total antithesis of it. Alongside this, Charity rejected her birth name as well, associating it too heavily with her despised upbringing, and instead decided to adopt the name of "Beelzebub", seeing it as suitably demonic for her new self and identity. She would insist to everyone she met, including her friends and family, that they call her by this new name. Most of them were hesitant or initially believed she was joking due to its outlandish nature, but still called her by it once it became clear she was serious. Her grandparents were particularly amused by it and didn't take it very seriously, but still used a diminutive form of it ("Bee") for her at her insistence. To the current day, Beelzebub will get extremely angry at anyone who still calls her Charity, to the point of being such a nuisance that almost all of her teachers and peers refer to her (at least to her face) by either the full name or a diminutive form she accepts. Those who still call her Charity in spite of this rapidly earn her ire, along with whatever forms of retribution she believes she can get away with.

After entering Southwest Red Rock High School, Beelzebub began to assemble a friend group of like-minded punks and delinquents that she began to affectionately refer to as her "gang". Initially drawn to her by her rebellious attitude and style, they would end up sticking around due to Beelzebub's fierce loyalty towards and validation of them, often looking to her as the leader of their group due to her sheer force of personality. The power that this gave her ended up going to her head, and due to being around like-minded peers that respected the law as little as she did, she began peer pressuring them to commit petty crimes on the regular as a way to stick it to "the man". The crimes that Beelzebub herself participated in included shoplifting, trespassing, vandalism, and acquiring underage contraband (such as tobacco, alcohol, and cannabis) for her own use. Despite this risky behavior, Beelzebub has thus far managed to never get caught or arrested, with only a few close calls throughout the years, due to her always practicing careful, clever plans and maintaining plausible deniability, along with these crimes never being serious or broad enough to draw significant attention from authorities.

Alongside this, Beelzebub would also begin to fight recreationally with members of her gang on Saturday nights. Initially, she justified this as teaching them self-defense along with wanting to learn how to fight to defend herself, but this would rapidly turn into a thrill-seeking behavior for her, loving both the competition and the rush of adrenaline. They were careful enough to practice bare-minimum safety, purchasing padded helmets and gloves along with a single gym mat, but otherwise simply had at each other, with no rules beyond the first to surrender or be shoved off the mat being the loser. These fights would inevitably result in minor injuries, but the gang swore to always pass them off to anyone concerned as the results of skateboarding or biking accidents. Not everyone within her gang would participate in these fights, but spectating them would become commonplace, with Beelzebub herself being the most frequent participant and, as a direct result, the best hand-to-hand brawler in her gang. Word of these fights were kept strictly confidential among the gang, under the threat of the rest of the gang coming down on them if any dared to break the secrecy. On occasion, Beelzebub has considered the idea of taking up a combat sport to be able to fight more often, but has always decided against it due to detesting the organization and rules that always come with an official sport, preferring her disorganized and no-holds-barred fight club instead.

It was at this point in Beelzebub's life, having achieved both social acceptance and raw physical might, that she began to become a bully towards her weaker peers. She saw too much of her younger self in the meek and repressed students of the school and resented them for it, wanting them to change in the way she had. Deciding that she needed to "help" them grow, she tried to teach them the lesson she had to learn herself: if you don't stand up for yourself, other people will abuse you. This usually had the opposite effect of what she intended on her victims, with many of them simply acting even more meek and compliant in her presence. These victims failing to fight back always enraged Beelzebub further, leading her to double down on the bullying, turning her intended lesson into a pattern of abusive behavior. She is, at times, dimly aware that her behavior is creating a cycle of abuse much like the one she experienced, but she has hypocritically convinced herself that she's doing what is best for her victims and that they will understand eventually. Beelzebub has gotten into trouble for this behavior periodically, including one suspension for fighting on school grounds that got her chewed out by her grandparents. Besides that, she has for the most part avoided consequences for this by threatening her victims into silence, towing the line of acceptable behavior, doing her best to leave as little hard evidence of wrongdoing as possible, and having her friends back up her side of the story.

Beelzebub's home life in the current day is much better than that of her upbringing. Both of her grandparents are respectful towards her despite her strange desires and choice of name, due to a combination of her traumatic upbringing and reasoning that her questionable behavior is a phase she would eventually grow out of. In this way they are too permissive, refusing to reign in her worst impulses despite disapproving of them, both out of their compassion towards her and a live-and-let-live passivity. Even when her bad behavior is brought to their attention directly, they only ever give her a verbal lashing immediately afterwards, and never take concrete action to get her to stop. Despite that, she loves them for freeing her from her terrible situation, and they love her in turn as their misunderstood granddaughter. Beelzebub has no contact with the rest of her immediate family, including her parents and all but one of her siblings, that being her older brother Patience. He also left the Church behind to make his own way in the world, and the two of them keep in touch over the phone, with Patience being the only person that Beelzebub is willing to be vulnerable and open with.

Beelzebub still keeps and cares for guinea pigs. After Butter and Syrup passed away from old age, she would acquire four pigs that she named Mustard, Ketchup, Mayo, and Gravy, and she is tender and kind to them in a way that is reminiscent of her much younger self. She sees them as an opportunity to let down her walls and act closer to her real self that lies underneath her rough outer shell. She tries her best to not show this side of herself around her friends, as she believes it hurts the persona she has crafted for herself, and has been deeply embarrassed the few times that her friends have seen her around her pigs, even though her friends mostly view this side of her positively.

Around Red Rock, Beelzebub is known best for being a bully and generally unpleasant to be around. Those who have drawn her ire for one reason or another know her only for her vindictive and often destructive behavior, and usually regret having her attention. To her friends, she is known for her brash, outgoing persona, anger issues, wicked cleverness, and for being deeply supportive no matter how weird they may be. To those who fall outside of this dichotomy, Beelzebub can come off as being a try-hard and overly edgy in her presentation, to the point of seeming either comical or pitiable. To Beelzebub, this latter group of her peers are the most threatening to her, as she hates being perceived in a way that she herself cannot define and therefore control.

Beelzebub values freedom and living life to the fullest above all else. She respects those that also value freedom and try to live their own lives to the fullest, even if she disagrees with their goals and desires. She is bisexual, and while not seeking a relationship, is known around the school for being quick to hook up with people that earn her respect in one way or another. Her academic performance in the present-day is much the same as when she initially entered high school, as she puts in the bare minimum of effort to earn a mix of mostly Cs and Ds, with her grades being carried primarily by her good test scores. Most of her teachers believe she could do much better if she applied herself, but her disdain for authority has led the majority of them to simply accept her performance for what it is. The few teachers that continue to try to get her to do better are always brushed off, as Beelzebub doesn't consider school a priority and only puts in the little effort she does to not draw any ire from her grandparents.

Beelzebub has no concrete plans for the future. She intentionally lives each day and week as they come, and does not see herself living a conventional life of any kind. She has entertained the idea of living on the road and seeing the world, stealing whatever she needs to survive, but has not actually made any progress on that goal. This particular aspect of Beelzebub's life is the most concerning to her grandparents, as they both know they cannot support her forever. While they have tried their best to convince her to come up with a real plan for her life once she gets out of high school, they have found little success breaking through her usual stubbornness. Patience, meanwhile, assumes Beelzebub will figure something out once she's out of high school, but has also quietly made plans to help her more directly should she fail to do so.

Advantages: Beelzebub is very strong and a capable hand-to-hand fighter, having a distinct advantage in any physical confrontations she might get into. The members of her gang are used to following her lead, and would thus be an established group of allies for her to rely on.
Disadvantages: Beelzebub has anger issues and a deep disrespect for all authority that may cause her to break the game's rules or otherwise get herself killed. She has just as many enemies as she has friends, and is much more likely to be a target of revenge than the rest of her peers due to her bullying.

[Deamon]

Hey Maddie! You know the drill with regards to how this all works and currently Beel requires some reworking before she’ll be ready to go into the game. For this round I focused more on the immediate issues that jumped out at me so there may be smaller scale details that we need to go over in subsequent rounds but for now let’s get into it.

I don’t know what you mean when you say recreational crimes, might just be me but it may need rephrasing.

Charity (or "Beelzebub" as she prefers to be called) is above average in height (5'9") and heavy (187 pounds), with a very muscular build from heavy weightlifting.

Take these brackets out and replace them with em-dashes for the nickname and use at for height and weight instead of them. You also can just say weightlifting.

Magdalene initially met while he was out on missionary work for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints,

Maybe a minor thing but the name Magdalene seems like a little bit of a stretch given the religious connotations and the fact that there’s no indication Magdalene was religious until she converted. Just when you combine it with there also being a Peter and John.

The family would regularly attend Sunday service at the local chapel for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, of which Peter is considered an upstanding member and known for his generous donations.

We momentarily drop into present tense here.

With regards to the discipline and punishment within the household, I know you currently have that Charity was on the receiving end a lot due to her rebelliousness and lying but could we have some examples of what exactly she would do as this is quite nebulous and vague as written.

Ok, so, at this point we hit the main problem point of this profile and it’s the whole CSA leading into attempted murder and incarceration plot point, which dove tails with some other issues. But to start with, this is too much for a profile of a child who is supposed to be attending a normal high school.

Ignoring everything else for a moment, but if Charity was put into juvie for a violent crime in another state she isn’t going to end up in Southwest Red Rock. It’s a school with a good reputation, that is popular in terms of applicants and would not want to take on the risk. The school would reject Charity as a safety concern due to violent nature of her conviction. She’d instead be referred to an alternative school, which is common for kids coming out of the juvenile detention system. Additionally, given later on you also say that she frequently has issues with regards to her behaviour and just not actually studying there is a good chance that at a certain point she would be advised to pick up her GED and go on her way as it would be best for everyone involved.

As for the CSA and attempted murder. I’m not sure if this is really needed for the character Beel is being setup as or at least not to the level it is within the profile. The pieces all seem to be in place for someone who rejects their upbringing and goes through an extreme change in outlook and attitude as part of that rejection just based off the family life. The household is already abusive and restrictive towards her without the uncle becoming involved and adding an extra level of abuse to things.

I also have some issues with some of the complicating factors surrounding the uncle plot that don’t really fit together and only seem to add further levels of abuse that start to strain credibility. The parents not believing and then punishing Charity despite her older brother backing up her story and clearly at some point the rest of her siblings becoming aware. The police also don’t take any action either for kind of weak reasons. It also couples with the previously mentioned abusive Christian household, which is a common trope. Christianity may be the most common religion but it can still be portrayed in reductive ways.

So with all of that laid out, I think it may be better in the long run to have something simpler like Charity continually chaffing against the family rules her father is imposing—something that is established in the second paragraph of the biography and is already abusive—until the parents give up on her due to her escalating behaviour and ship her off to the grandparents. But at the very minimum the attempted murder and juvie stint will need to be removed and as a result the CSA plot reworked. But even then I would have concerns regarding its necessity within the profile as it is currently assembled.

to lift more and more extreme weights,

What exactly do you mean by extreme weights? What sort of weightlifting is Beel doing? What sort of exercise regime is she on? Does she have any favourite lifts? Is she following a specific diet along with the weightlifting to try and increase her gains?

With regard to Beel committing crimes with her gang, if she is dealing to other classmates then I’d question if her planning is really careful or clever. That seems like the sort of scheme that would inevitably fall apart purely based on it being high school kids conducting it and all of the complications that can lead to. Also, this is dicey territory as dealing drugs like this could be grounds for expulsion for those involved and especially Beel if she is acting the ringleader.

They were careful enough to practice bare-minimum safety, purchasing padded helmets and gloves along with a single gym mat, but otherwise simply had at each other, with no rules beyond the first to quit or pass out being the loser. Not everyone within her gang would participate in it, but spectating these fights would become commonplace, with Beelzebub herself being the most frequent participant and, as a direct result, the best hand-to-hand brawler in her gang.

There are a few issues with this. First up, if these kids are hitting each other enough to knock each other out even with gloves and head guards on then people are going to notice the damage because it takes a lot to make that happen through protective equipment. There’s going to busted noses, black eyes and split lips at minimum. Secondly, I don’t think any fight club that is inviting teens and young adults into it is lasting very long—for reasons similar to the drug dealing—operational security isn’t exactly great at that age and the more people who know then the more chance you have of someone accidentally saying too much. So this will need to be considerably toned down.

Beelzebub has gotten into trouble for this behavior periodically, including one suspension for "fighting" on school grounds that got her chewed out by her grandparents.

The quotes around fighting will need to be removed. If she was suspended for fighting she was suspended for fighting. The validity of the sentence doesn’t really matter to the profile.

Around Red Rock, Beelzebub is known best for her brash, outgoing persona and anger issues.

I’m going to be honest, but based on the information we’ve been given within the profile I think Beel would be best known for being a bully and generally not a very nice person.

Most of her peers that aren't naturally inclined towards her tend to tread lightly around her in an attempt to avoid notice.

This veers too far into dictating how other people’s characters act around Beel so would be best off being taken out.

But it does bring up a question I have regarding how Beel is perceived around the school. Currently the profile is only focused on people being scared or avoidant of her and her friends. But a lot of her presentation could be interpreted as very try-hard in terms of its edginess with the name and the contact lenses etc. So I’d be interested to see this addressed within the profile as I would imagine that there are kids in the school that wouldn’t fit into the two existing buckets and their perception threatening Beel given her reluctance to let people see her real self or view her in a way that she doesn’t get to define.

What do her grandparents and Patience think about Beel’s lack of any real life plan as she nears the end of her time in high school?

And that is everything for this pass. I’ll admit that some of the changes are substantial but I think that there is a lot of this profile that stacks up on itself when less would work better for what you’re going for. So post back here once you’ve made the edits and I’ll take another look!

[VoltTurtle]

Heya Deamon. I've adjusted things per your post and our talk!

Change log:
- Dropped the brackets.
- Magdalene is now Mabel.
- Fixed the tense error.
- Elaborated on young Charity's rule-breaking.
- Beel's parents are less terrible (still bad).
- Young Charity is more secretive, even towards Patience, and her parents don't find out about what's happening until it blows up.
- The police no longer get involved leading up to everything blowing up.
- The stabbing's severity was reduced and the tone was changed to make it clear it's less "child attempts to kill a man" and more "child panics and clumsily stabs a man".
- Young Charity is acquitted on all charges on the basis of self-defense, so she doesn't end up in juvie (beyond the holding period) and doesn't have a criminal record that would be difficult to adjudicate.
- Elaborated on Beel's weightlifting.
- Drug dealing is now gone and simply Beel acquiring drugs for her own use, other petty crimes remain.
- Fight club is both less extreme and more secret.
- Removed the quotes around "fighting".
- Changed Beel's reputation to be mainly about her bullying and being unpleasant.
- Removed the accidental bit of god modding.
- Added a bit on her perception regarding the people who think she's just a tryhard weirdo.
- Her grandparents' and Patience's reaction to her lack of plans are elaborated on.
- Butter and Syrup get to live (longer) in the new timeline.

Should be everything. Lemme know what you think!

[Deamon]

Ok, Beel is looking much better and we're just looking at some general edits and some couple bits of expansion before she'll be ready to go.

Her body is cello shaped

Cello-shaped.

Her face is oval shaped

Oval-shaped.


When did Beel get her piercings, as she would need to be over the age of 18 to get them without her grandparents' permission. This doesn't need to be included within the appearance section, I'm just bringing it up here as it's where they are mentioned.

her siblings including her older brother Patience, younger brothers Humility and Diligence, and younger sisters Temperance, Kindness, and Chastity.

Being instead of including.

It was during one of these visits that Charity expressed interest in Patience's guitar playing, something that he was taught by their father but she had been denied due to it being considered an "instrument for men" by their father.

Can you put a comma after the first father and change the second instance of father to Peter for me.


Can we get just a little bit more about what Beel enjoys about playing and experimenting with music.

taking her places she wanted to go against her parents wishes,

Apostrophe at the end of parents.

and in a panic Charity stabbed him once before being subdued.

Comma after panic.

Through her exposure to the punk scene, Charity was also exposed to and became interested in the political philosophy of Anarchism.

As we use exposure once at the beginning can we change exposed to something like introduced.

Charity also began to learn more of modern day Satanism.

Modern-day.


With Beel's Satanism, what prompted the switch from less commital Satanism to unironic Satanism? Or was it just a case of she did it for so long it just became true?

Alongside this, Charity rejected her birth name as well, associating it too heavily with her upbringing that she despised,

Comma after upbringing.

With regards to the gangs fighting each other—much better that it's just kept between them by the way—has Beel ever considered taking up a combat sport? And why has she not or not done so?

Is Beel aware that she is just creating a cycle of abuse? I'm assuming not, but I think it would be good to have put down in the profile whether she is oblivious to the results of her behaviour or not. Pulling at this same thread, how does Beel feel about her victims becoming meeker and more compliant?

Both of her grandparents are respectful towards her despite her strange desires

There's an accidental double space between her and grandparents.

act closer to her "real" self that lies underneath her rough outer shell.

I don't know if these quotes are strictly necessary.

She tries her best to not show this side of herself around her friends,

I'm pretty sure I know why, but can we have an explanation for this?

Around Red Rock, Beelzebub is primarily known best for being a bully and generally unpleasant to be around.

Take out primarily or best, dealers' choice.

Can we have an update on how Beel's studies are going in the present day?

And that's it, a much simpler slate of changes this time. So let me know once you're done and I'll take another look for you!

[VoltTurtle]

Should be good to go!

Changes:
- Fixed all the small issues.
- Added a bit about when she got her piercings to the paragraph discussing her change of appearance.
- Elaborated a tiny bit on why she likes playing guitar.
- Changed the wording around her Satanism to make it clearer.
- Added a bit about Beel pondering combat sports.
- Added two sentences elaborating on Beel's response to her victims and her own recognition of her abusive behavior.
- Elaborated on why she doesn't want her friends to see her with her pigs.
- Added an update on how her studies are going in the present-day.

[Deamon]

Ok, apologies for the delay just a few smaller things I saw in the read-through that need to be hit on this pass.

She was initially charged with First Degree Attempted Murder

First-degree.

the other confounding evidence in her favor,

I think you mean compounding here, rather than confounding.

Social workers would then regularly meet with Charity during this time, and while she was initially distrustful of them, she quickly used them for her own ends, convincing them that she wasn't safe in her household.

Since this is specifically called out as Charity using the social workers for her own ends, could you just state for the profile that her goal was to end up being sent to her grandparents if that was indeed her goal?

would maintain a barely-acceptable GPA all the way up to her senior year.

Barely acceptable doesn't need a hyphen.

Why does Charity choose not to share her music with anyone else?

And that's everything, so once you get that done let me know and I'll take another look!

[VoltTurtle]

Should be taken care of! I don't think you need a changelog this time.

[Deamon]

APPROVED