Heavy is the hand that writes the callout post I guess

[Cicada]

A trendy young woman walks into a restaurant. She's done up in pressed low-cut jeans, a white crop top, an open button-up shirt, gray halo eye, and shimmery white lipstick.
She gracefully handles the camera she's recording with, rarely appearing at an awkward angle or jittering too much.


"Four point three stars, a few hundred reviews... Apparently this place has been around for a while, but. If you look at the crowd it seems to be more of a. Y'know. Early bird special type joint."


Her voice is... bubbly. That is to say, quote, anime was a mistake, unquote. She at least speaks softly, using gentle variations in her pitch and staccato to emphasize points. Never touching the volume knob.
She cuts the reel to her seated on a red booth bench, camera angle showing off the kitschy, vibrantly sterile shapes patterns of stars and squares and confetti shapes stretching over the wall behind her.
She angles her camera down. There’s a paper kids placemat with cute cartoons with bold lineart and the exaggerated shapes typical of earlier kid’s animated television shows. Easy crossword puzzles and mazes.


"It's like... If you were at any time alive when places looked like this, how was Y2K? Mmm. The server outfits are... cute. That's one way to put it."
“The placemat is cute. The maze is a biiiiit too hard for me though.”


She casually traces one of the provided crayons, the technicolor blue, through the maze in a single go without lifting the crayon off the page once.


"Welcome to Shakes 'n' Bakes! Can I take your order?"


A bright and chipper female voice. For obvious reasons, the influencer keeps the camera on herself. She smiles brightly, a bit of teeth, mostly lip, corners of her mouth sharpened to a fine point.


"Hey there! Mmm. How spicy is the chorizo omelet?"
"Pretty mild, I'll be honest with you. I can ask the kitchen to amp it up for ya!"
"Nah, I'll take it as intended. The chorizo omelet, oooone bloody sunrise crepe, a coke malt float. And a little tap water too."
"Gotcha gotcha, gotcha, and, gotcha! Anything else?"
"Aaaanything else you'd recommend?"
"Oooh. Onion rings are it. We have an in house seasoning blend."
"Then a side of those. Thank you very much."


"Anyways, the prices are reasonable. All that was half a fifty. We're pretty far into the 'burbs but even by those standards. It's like, you could go to McDonald's and get a smaller spread and worse ambiance, y'know?"


She cuts the reel to a solid, if somewhat greasy looking, meal. She slow pans over the neatly arranged plates blocking out the paper placemat.


"Decent portions, see?"


Her hand enters the frame. Little Pac-Man ghosts nail art. One of the onion rings vanishes behind the camera lens. A dainty crunch, obviously self-conscious of being too loud. No ASMR for the viewer.


"No lie, these are actually insane. Kinda herby but not overpowering. Gonna give my girl hella dollars for the rec. But like, always tip service workers, of course."
"But yeah, so the thing is, like-"


Her fork severs a small square off her omelet, the fluff of egg butter soft. A gentle wispy vapor of steam escapes. An excellent long second of cheese pull clings to her fork. The fork vanishes behind the camera lens. More gentle, affectedly feminine chewing.


"... Mmm. Yep, that's fresh. And it's after lunch rush, guys, so. I'm not even getting the freshly bought ingredients."
"Anyways. Liiiike. This place is one of those if you know you knows. Like I said, its more popular with the older crowd. Word about this place hasn't really spread around my high school yet, and for a lot of us it's like, ten minute drive, tops."
"Quick sip of water here, clean out my mouth."


First, the water. Then, the milkshake is the next thing for her to grab, the world’s most obviously aesthetic barber pole straw stuck right into it like a sword in a stone. A moment of silence punctuated only by a single crisp gulp.
With a little mindfulness, most parts of drinking through a straw are dead silent. The milkshake, looking like it’s barely been touched, lightly clicks back down to the table.


“Gooood mouthfeel. I don’t know. This honestly might be the least impressive part of the spread. Too sweet, so if any of ya’ll have a sweet tooth…”
“But. It’s good.”
“Like they said, not spicy. I didn’t even know it was possible for chorizo to be this mild. Shout out to any white people tastebuds in the crowd.”


She takes another off-camera, consciously quiet sip of water.
Then she directs her fork to the crepe. This one doesn’t cut as easily, with the thin, pliable dollop dough resisting for a good long second.


“And whoops, there’s my lack of gym coming through. There’s exercises for finger strength, isn’t there? Like, curls or something.”


With a slightly too loud clink of the metal of her fork into the plate she finally has a bite to transfer to her mouth.
Off camera. What else. She does take a moment to carefully slide the cut of crepe into view of the camera. As advertised, some sort of blood orange syrup gently drapes itself over the tongs of her fork, gravid, barely resisting the call of gravity. Inside the little bit of dough already busy unravelling, what appears to be something whipped and ghostly white. And of course, snowy flecks of powdered sugar.


“Okaaay.”
“Yeah, that’s interesting. Unironically? Spicier than the omelet. They’re going for an actual Bloody Mary-esque syrup drizzle here which is, like.”


A distinctly long pause. A loud, tonal exhale.


“Yo, that aftertaste though. Legit kick, like, it’s getting its revenge on the way down.”
“No, that's good. Sweet and spicy’s a winner.”


She cuts the reel to the camera facing her once more. A smiling, slightly flushed elderly man with ghostly white hair on top of his head and in his bushy mustache is sitting in the booth next to her. A healthy amount of distance between the two, enough for Jesus.


“Looks like the owner was in today.”
“Hello to all the gals and gents of the internet!”


He’s a bit too loud for the camera and his voice booms. The influencer didn’t seem interested in adjusting this in post, for aesthetic reasons.
He adjusts the crisply starched bowtie tied through his collar.
The influencer catches his eye. They semi-face each other, the camera remaining unwaveringly focused on framing the duo per the rule-of-thirds.


“Mister Campbell, is it?”
“Yes indeed. It’s nice to make your acquaintance, ah... To be clear, you prefer your name on the internet. Dash?”
“Yeah! Just Dash, please and thank you.”
“Dash. Think one of my buddies in the army had that name… Anyways, Miss Dash. I must say I’m honored and flattered by your interest in my establishment. We get a couple of kids your age on a daily basis, but never somebody who’s been interested in putting us on the map.”
“You guys are worth the shout out. Good food, reasonable prices, central location. I’m kind of surprised I’m the first.”
“Mmm, well Miss Dash. In my experience— bit too much of that, but you didn’t hear that from me— the crowd of faces you’ll run into in life is never a sure thing. Even in school I was often hanging out with an older crowd. But for an establishment like mine, you can do all kinds of things, promotions, family nights, but it’ll be a roll of the dice as to your clientele. There were years when we had really young crowds, and years when it was all folks who, well. Are probably resting peacefully in the earth now.”
“I see. That must have been hard to watch, all those regulars who would come and go.”
“Get old like me and there’s a lot of people who come and go from your life. You learn to only leave room in your heart for the important ones. I’m sure you’ve already seen a few come and go, Dash. Even at your tender age.”


The influencer giggles suddenly, a brief moment of stiffness in her shoulders and the corners of her mouth briefly vanishing.


“I suppose, if I think about it.”
“Still, you’re too young to be thinking about dreary things like that. I’d just like to thank you again for patronizing Shakes 'n' Bakes, and maybe inspiring some of your friends and their friends to drop by.”
“Maybe’s more like definitely, y’know?”
“Confident! I like that, yessir. You’re going to go far, Dash.”
“Any messages you’d like to get out there?”
“Just a word to all the young’ns out there. Things are getting kind of crazy out in the world, I’m sure you’re all feeling the weight of that. Especially with all this news and sensationalism trying to steal your attention. It’s why I don’t keep any TVs in Shakes 'n' Bakes—”


The influencer helpfully redirects the camera for a quick three sixty swivel around the establishment. Lens high to emphasize the ceiling and mostly cut customers out of the shot. Indeed, the clean and colorful walls are bare of any television sets.


“— because who needs to see that kind of thing when they’re trying to relax, or have a nice meal out with friends or family? Mmm, no, that won’t do. For everyone watching this, take care of yourselves. Reach out to friends, even those you haven’t spoken to in a while. We all need those connections in times these uncertain.”


The reel cuts to the influencer outside of the restaurant, in her car. Camera mounted on her dashboard for a clear angle of her. Clean gray leather, roomy, and the sun cutting squares deep into the interior.


“We’re already getting into the part of year where shit’s too hot, my friends. Fs in the chat.”
“Anyways. Loved chatting with the proprietor. He rambles a bit so I had to cut most of it, but trust me, if you drop by and get a moment to ask him a question or two, go for it. Even the most cynical heart might get melted, y’know, just a bit.”


She finishes fidgeting with her seatbelt and settles back for a moment.


“So what’s the verdict? Again, good prices. It’s a bit all over the place. Definitely go for those onion rings and that crepe. Extrapolating, because, a lot of the appeal was in the mouthfeel, y’know? Probably anything they have that's fried and breaded is good. And all their crepes.”
“Like. Definitely a place worth stopping by if you’re in the area. We’re a biiiit out into the ‘burbs here, but Crateful’s only a few miles out from where I am right now. It’s not that far out of the way.”
“If anyone stops by feel free to drop a comment and let me know what y’all thought. Dash out.”

[Cicada]

carlCampbell49
Hello Dash! Just wanted to say thank you again for your video! We’ve seen a lot more fresh faces around since you posted your vid!
3 w