As Jezzie approached, Medea turned around to fully face her. She looked at the hand the other girl placed on her shoulder and smiled.
“I like the optimism.” Medea said, utter sincerity in her tone. “It is good. I know it must be hard after… everything that you’ve gone through. But no matter what, don’t lose hope. I don’t know if June will ever really come around — some people just won't appreciate what you’re trying to do with yourself — but I will always be by your side.”
She paused, then laughed to herself a little.
“You know… I say I like optimism but I have never really liked the term applied to me.” she said. “I prefer to think of myself as a realist. The world can be a really dark place, full of misery and uncertainty, but it really isn’t as bad as people think it is. Even this place—”
Medea gestured to their surroundings.
“—where things are often scary, dangerous, and unhappy there can still be moments of light that shine brightly against the dark.”
Medea playfully shoved Jezzie’s shoulder and giggled.
“Like with you.”
Ego Te Absolvo
Day 5, Noon — Private
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TheLordOfAwesome
- Posts: 745
- Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:37 pm
- Location: Washington
And, exactly as expected, she was helping. Making Medea feel better. And Medea was still making her feel better! This had to be how some of those guys who escaped felt, knowing things were only going up in this shitty situation. Could June still be a problem? Maybe, but so long as she got some time alone with the other girl and said the right words, Jezzie would win her over.
They would all be friends, and they'd all get out of here alive. She knew it in her heart, in her mind, and in her gut.
It wasn't optimism - it was true realism. As difficult as it might be, it would happen. Jezzie wouldn't let anything less happen.
Jezzie couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her, both from the teasing push and the praise.
"Well, I'll make sure to shine as bright as I can, then."
Just like any star should do.
"Try not to get blinded though, okay?"
I'll make sure you shine with me, every step of the way.
She punctuated the end of line with loving shove of her own, as well as another laugh.
They would all be friends, and they'd all get out of here alive. She knew it in her heart, in her mind, and in her gut.
It wasn't optimism - it was true realism. As difficult as it might be, it would happen. Jezzie wouldn't let anything less happen.
Jezzie couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her, both from the teasing push and the praise.
"Well, I'll make sure to shine as bright as I can, then."
Just like any star should do.
"Try not to get blinded though, okay?"
I'll make sure you shine with me, every step of the way.
She punctuated the end of line with loving shove of her own, as well as another laugh.
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TheLordOfAwesome
- Posts: 745
- Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:37 pm
- Location: Washington
Medea giggled as Jezzie playfully pushed her, stumbling slightly backward. As her foot stepped on the rock behind her, her foot slid on some snow that coated it. Her foot twisted to the side and her balance was thrown off. Eyes going wide, Medea quickly spun her arms to regain her balance and shift her footing to keep herself from tumbling over.
She took a few steps back, stepping onto the very edge of the outcropping which crumbled under her weight as she stepped on it.
She fell backwards, and in an instant her vision was filled with the swirling gray clouds above her and air rushing by her ears.
But just as quickly as it had happened, it came to a crashing and painful end as gravity pulled her down to the rocks below.
She slammed painfully against the hard and jagged stone, the air knocked from her lungs from the suddenness of it and her eyes going wide from pain. In a fraction of a second, Medea could hear and feel the sound of bones snapping at several points of her body, including the base of her neck. Shocked and gasping for air, Medea tried to move, but found herself unable to command her muscles.
“H-Help…” She managed to wheeze out. “Help me…”
She took a few steps back, stepping onto the very edge of the outcropping which crumbled under her weight as she stepped on it.
She fell backwards, and in an instant her vision was filled with the swirling gray clouds above her and air rushing by her ears.
But just as quickly as it had happened, it came to a crashing and painful end as gravity pulled her down to the rocks below.
She slammed painfully against the hard and jagged stone, the air knocked from her lungs from the suddenness of it and her eyes going wide from pain. In a fraction of a second, Medea could hear and feel the sound of bones snapping at several points of her body, including the base of her neck. Shocked and gasping for air, Medea tried to move, but found herself unable to command her muscles.
“H-Help…” She managed to wheeze out. “Help me…”
The first step drew out a slight laugh. Nice Medea as always, going along with this fun.
The second made it stronger. Was she really that strong?
The third made the smile falter, just slightly. That...was a bit much.
The fourth took it out altogether. Too far, stop, you're getting too close.
The fifth and she suddenly felt panicked. No no no she was just teasing just playing around please no she didn't want this-
...oh...she stopped...she stopped! She stopped before she cou
"MEDEA!"
It...broke. The ground. It just broke. Right underneath her. One moment it was there, keeping Medea on level with Jezzie. The next, it was gone, along with her.
Jezzie was alone.
But...was she?
Could...could someone survive that fall?
It may be unlikely, but she needed to know. She wouldn't forgive herself if she didn't at least know.
There was a path to the beach - steep, but usable. Jezzie didn't hesitate for a moment.
It took less than a second to find the other girl.
"Medea!"
The steps were quick but unbalanced. She nearly tripped, probably would've fucked up her face. Not that she really cared.
"Oh my God, Medea, I didn't-I didn't mean to-I-I'm so sorry, I just-I thought it would-I didn't think-I'M SORRY!"
She couldn't help the hiccup that sounded out of her throat.
"I...I'm sorry..."
The tears were flowing again.
She'd fucked up. She'd fucked up bad. She'd fucked up so bad she didn't even know how bad she'd fucked up. Medea was still breathing, but for how much longer? Did a rib break, puncture a lung? Did her skull crack, was she going to pass in her sleep, none of them the wiser before it was too late? Was it something else, some internal injury she couldn't hope to understand, giving her only a few more moments to live, to see her killer?
She didn't know. So Jezzie fell to her knees and sobbed.
'I just wanted a friend.'
The second made it stronger. Was she really that strong?
The third made the smile falter, just slightly. That...was a bit much.
The fourth took it out altogether. Too far, stop, you're getting too close.
The fifth and she suddenly felt panicked. No no no she was just teasing just playing around please no she didn't want this-
...oh...she stopped...she stopped! She stopped before she cou
"MEDEA!"
It...broke. The ground. It just broke. Right underneath her. One moment it was there, keeping Medea on level with Jezzie. The next, it was gone, along with her.
Jezzie was alone.
But...was she?
Could...could someone survive that fall?
It may be unlikely, but she needed to know. She wouldn't forgive herself if she didn't at least know.
There was a path to the beach - steep, but usable. Jezzie didn't hesitate for a moment.
It took less than a second to find the other girl.
"Medea!"
The steps were quick but unbalanced. She nearly tripped, probably would've fucked up her face. Not that she really cared.
"Oh my God, Medea, I didn't-I didn't mean to-I-I'm so sorry, I just-I thought it would-I didn't think-I'M SORRY!"
She couldn't help the hiccup that sounded out of her throat.
"I...I'm sorry..."
The tears were flowing again.
She'd fucked up. She'd fucked up bad. She'd fucked up so bad she didn't even know how bad she'd fucked up. Medea was still breathing, but for how much longer? Did a rib break, puncture a lung? Did her skull crack, was she going to pass in her sleep, none of them the wiser before it was too late? Was it something else, some internal injury she couldn't hope to understand, giving her only a few more moments to live, to see her killer?
She didn't know. So Jezzie fell to her knees and sobbed.
'I just wanted a friend.'
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TheLordOfAwesome
- Posts: 745
- Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:37 pm
- Location: Washington
Medea laid there on the rocks, her vision swimming as she continued to look up at the sky without a way to move. Desperately she tried to will her body to move, but it was all futile. Everything below her neck hurt. A burning, electrical pain that radiated throughout her body. Uncomfortable in a way Medea had never experienced.
Jezzie soon appeared, crying and apologizing at her side. Medea’s eyes swiveled in their sockets to look at Jezzie, Medea unable to hide the pain she was feeling.
“J-Jezzie…” Medea said. “I-I can’t move… I-I can’t move…”
Medea’s throat hitched a little, tears welling up in her eyes both from fear and pain. But seeing Jezzie as she is now… Medea felt as though she could ignore her own pain for a moment. Jezzie was also hurting. It wasn’t her fault that this happened, but Medea can only imagine the guilt Jezzie must feel over the accident.
“Jezzie.. It’s not y-your fault…”
Jezzie soon appeared, crying and apologizing at her side. Medea’s eyes swiveled in their sockets to look at Jezzie, Medea unable to hide the pain she was feeling.
“J-Jezzie…” Medea said. “I-I can’t move… I-I can’t move…”
Medea’s throat hitched a little, tears welling up in her eyes both from fear and pain. But seeing Jezzie as she is now… Medea felt as though she could ignore her own pain for a moment. Jezzie was also hurting. It wasn’t her fault that this happened, but Medea can only imagine the guilt Jezzie must feel over the accident.
“Jezzie.. It’s not y-your fault…”
Three words. Three simple words. That's all it took for the dream to shatter and reality to take it's place.
I can't move.
Medea couldn't move.
She wasn't stuck. She hadn't broken her leg. No struggling to sit up straight.
She just couldn't move.
Medea's heart may still beat - her lungs may still breathe - her blood may still flow - but she'd died the moment the cliff's edge crumbled, hadn't she?
People didn't survive this stuff when they could only move their eyes and mouth. They died. They probably died horrible deaths because they tried to escape the inevitable. They died screaming and crying about how unfair it all was, because they never stood a chance when compared to everyone else. They died cursing the person who did this to them, whether that was God or some drunk driver or a stupid bitch who pushed them off a FUCKING CLIFF-
Medea was dead, and it was all Jezzie's fault. There was no getting around it. No use acting like it wasn't true. She was going to die. It was because of her.
She...she needed to take full responsibility, didn't she? It was her fault, so she needed to acknowledge it outwardly.
Medea didn't deserve to die like this. But she also didn't deserve to get shot in the gut three times and left to bleed out. She didn't deserve to feel her lungs punctured by seventeen different stab wounds. She didn't deserve to have her airway cut off, struggling to breathe as someone stared her in the eyes, uncaring.
Jezzie could only do so much to make it up to her.
Medea tried to say it wasn't her fault, but it was, and it would be the same for what else she would do.
"I-I'm sorry..."
It didn't take long as her hand dug through her bag.
"It...it was my fault. I know it was..."
Sunshine glimmered along the blade.
"And I-I can't make it better. I can only-I-all I can do is-!"
She cut herself off with another sob.
It was all she could do to fix it. But that didn't make it easy.
I can't move.
Medea couldn't move.
She wasn't stuck. She hadn't broken her leg. No struggling to sit up straight.
She just couldn't move.
Medea's heart may still beat - her lungs may still breathe - her blood may still flow - but she'd died the moment the cliff's edge crumbled, hadn't she?
People didn't survive this stuff when they could only move their eyes and mouth. They died. They probably died horrible deaths because they tried to escape the inevitable. They died screaming and crying about how unfair it all was, because they never stood a chance when compared to everyone else. They died cursing the person who did this to them, whether that was God or some drunk driver or a stupid bitch who pushed them off a FUCKING CLIFF-
Medea was dead, and it was all Jezzie's fault. There was no getting around it. No use acting like it wasn't true. She was going to die. It was because of her.
She...she needed to take full responsibility, didn't she? It was her fault, so she needed to acknowledge it outwardly.
Medea didn't deserve to die like this. But she also didn't deserve to get shot in the gut three times and left to bleed out. She didn't deserve to feel her lungs punctured by seventeen different stab wounds. She didn't deserve to have her airway cut off, struggling to breathe as someone stared her in the eyes, uncaring.
Jezzie could only do so much to make it up to her.
Medea tried to say it wasn't her fault, but it was, and it would be the same for what else she would do.
"I-I'm sorry..."
It didn't take long as her hand dug through her bag.
"It...it was my fault. I know it was..."
Sunshine glimmered along the blade.
"And I-I can't make it better. I can only-I-all I can do is-!"
She cut herself off with another sob.
It was all she could do to fix it. But that didn't make it easy.
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TheLordOfAwesome
- Posts: 745
- Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:37 pm
- Location: Washington
Medea sniffled, tears flowing freely now as her fear, pain, and sorrow overwhelmed her and she can no longer hold it back. She knew there was nothing that could be done for her now. She couldn’t move, try as she might. She was broken beyond repair upon the rocks of this shore. Worse yet, Jezzie was distraught at what had happened. Medea knew it was an accident, but Jezzie would feel nothing but guilt no matter what Medea said.
Medea wanted to hug her, tell her things will be alright. But she can’t. Not anymore.
She wanted to make things alright, desperately. Ever since the first day. Now she never will.
She could only lay there and be useless. Even if they dragged her around, she’d only be dead weight. Worse, she could only tolerate the pain so much. She was laying down upon the jagged stone and the burning, electrical pain of her paralyzed body was unbearable.
She looked at Jezzie as she tearfully pulled out a knife from her bag. Fear gripped Medea’s heart, but she knew there weren’t many options for her anymore. Not after what happened.
The guilt that she must be feeling…
Maybe there was something Medea could do to help her. Something small and it might not fully heal, but something.
“J-Jezzie…” Medea muttered out, her throat feeling as though it was burning. She tried to swallow what spit she had left in her mouth, trying to get comfortable to keep talking. “I-I don’t blame you for what happened. I’m n-not mad a-a-at you. I’m not sorry. Not for t-taking a chance on you. I-I-I’m not even s-sorry that I love you.”
Medea sobbed, tears flowing down her face. She smiled. It was small and sad, but it was there to try and give some comfort to Jezzie.
“So… please… No matter w-what h-happens next… Don’t be too hard on yourself.”
Her smile faltered as she was unable to keep it up any longer as she sobbed and cried.
“A-and when you see June…” She paused, trying to choke back a sob. “Tell her… Tell her I-I love her and… and that I’m sorry for letting her down.”
She let out a choked cry, looking from Jezzie to the knife in her hand. Her gaze lingered there for a moment, before looking back to Jezzie. She was terrified, not wanting to die, but knew there was only one thing left that could be done for her. She locked her gaze with Jezzie, trying to convey her readiness to her friend.
“God be with you.”
Medea wanted to hug her, tell her things will be alright. But she can’t. Not anymore.
She wanted to make things alright, desperately. Ever since the first day. Now she never will.
She could only lay there and be useless. Even if they dragged her around, she’d only be dead weight. Worse, she could only tolerate the pain so much. She was laying down upon the jagged stone and the burning, electrical pain of her paralyzed body was unbearable.
She looked at Jezzie as she tearfully pulled out a knife from her bag. Fear gripped Medea’s heart, but she knew there weren’t many options for her anymore. Not after what happened.
The guilt that she must be feeling…
Maybe there was something Medea could do to help her. Something small and it might not fully heal, but something.
“J-Jezzie…” Medea muttered out, her throat feeling as though it was burning. She tried to swallow what spit she had left in her mouth, trying to get comfortable to keep talking. “I-I don’t blame you for what happened. I’m n-not mad a-a-at you. I’m not sorry. Not for t-taking a chance on you. I-I-I’m not even s-sorry that I love you.”
Medea sobbed, tears flowing down her face. She smiled. It was small and sad, but it was there to try and give some comfort to Jezzie.
“So… please… No matter w-what h-happens next… Don’t be too hard on yourself.”
Her smile faltered as she was unable to keep it up any longer as she sobbed and cried.
“A-and when you see June…” She paused, trying to choke back a sob. “Tell her… Tell her I-I love her and… and that I’m sorry for letting her down.”
She let out a choked cry, looking from Jezzie to the knife in her hand. Her gaze lingered there for a moment, before looking back to Jezzie. She was terrified, not wanting to die, but knew there was only one thing left that could be done for her. She locked her gaze with Jezzie, trying to convey her readiness to her friend.
“God be with you.”
Stop it. Stop it stop it STOP IT!
Scream at her. Call her a bitch. Tell her she’s a monster for the push. Say she’s horrible for doing even more damage.
Don’t be nice to her! Don’t forgive her! Regret having met her! Hate her with all your heart! That was what she felt, why couldn’t you be the same?!
Make one part of this whole thing easy! It didn’t matter if she could see through the lie! Any unending amount of bullshit would be preferable to this! Saying she shouldn’t blame herself and that Medea’s somehow sorry to anyone and saying she loves her even when she’s the reason for her death-
SHUT UP, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP THINKING OTHERWISE YOU WON’T DO IT, JUST FUCKING GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY GOD DAMN IT
Jezzie choked back the sob threatening to leave her throat. She couldn’t stop her hand from shaking, though.
“I-I will. I promise-I promise I’ll tell her.”
She had seen horror movies. Watched behind-the-scenes features. She knew where to bring the knife’s blade to make it quick.
“A-and…Medea?”
Jezzie hesitated. For just a moment.
“I love you too.”
The knife went into flesh.
Less than a second passed before it came back out, once more stained with red.
Scream at her. Call her a bitch. Tell her she’s a monster for the push. Say she’s horrible for doing even more damage.
Don’t be nice to her! Don’t forgive her! Regret having met her! Hate her with all your heart! That was what she felt, why couldn’t you be the same?!
Make one part of this whole thing easy! It didn’t matter if she could see through the lie! Any unending amount of bullshit would be preferable to this! Saying she shouldn’t blame herself and that Medea’s somehow sorry to anyone and saying she loves her even when she’s the reason for her death-
SHUT UP, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP THINKING OTHERWISE YOU WON’T DO IT, JUST FUCKING GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY GOD DAMN IT
Jezzie choked back the sob threatening to leave her throat. She couldn’t stop her hand from shaking, though.
“I-I will. I promise-I promise I’ll tell her.”
She had seen horror movies. Watched behind-the-scenes features. She knew where to bring the knife’s blade to make it quick.
“A-and…Medea?”
Jezzie hesitated. For just a moment.
“I love you too.”
The knife went into flesh.
Less than a second passed before it came back out, once more stained with red.
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TheLordOfAwesome
- Posts: 745
- Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:37 pm
- Location: Washington
Medea felt a sharp pain as the knife punctured her throat, her heart racing with terror. Blood pumped out from the cut artery and she could only gasp ineffectually as air failed to enter her body. Every instinct told her to thrash and cover the hole in her throat, but could only lay still with wide-eyed terror as she died right there upon that rocky shore.
Her vision began to blur, colors fading out. She was having a hard time focusing now even as her heart beat rapidly in her chest, but soon began to slow. The terror she had been feeling started to die down as she tried to focus her gaze on Jezzie once again. She looked so blurred now in her vision now, the world fading away at the edges leaving only a blurred crying girl.
She wanted to reach out and hold her hand.
Even as she started to drift from the lack of oxygen and blood flow to her brain, she wanted to comfort her one last time.
But soon Medea found herself plunging into darkness.
S032: MEDEA PARTH — DECEASED
Her vision began to blur, colors fading out. She was having a hard time focusing now even as her heart beat rapidly in her chest, but soon began to slow. The terror she had been feeling started to die down as she tried to focus her gaze on Jezzie once again. She looked so blurred now in her vision now, the world fading away at the edges leaving only a blurred crying girl.
She wanted to reach out and hold her hand.
Even as she started to drift from the lack of oxygen and blood flow to her brain, she wanted to comfort her one last time.
But soon Medea found herself plunging into darkness.
S032: MEDEA PARTH — DECEASED
It would only be for a quick moment, June had told herself. She just needed some time for herself for a couple minutes, and then she could spend the rest of the day with Medea and Jezzie and everything would be normal.
June's answers had been growing shorter and snippier whenever Jezzie or Medea asked her something about the escape. Jezzie's voice annoyed her actually. Small and tinny voice from a small and tinny lady. And Medea just kept extending the conversation on and on, well past when most people would let it lie.
She just needed a minute or two to walk away, a minute or two to walk back.
"Let's fill in some things," her therapist would tell her, whenever she noticed June in a sour mood for no particular reason. Fill in, backfill, figure out the reason for her feelings. June tended to feel before she thought, it was the cause of a lot of issues. So, her therapist had advised her, if she ever found herself becoming irritable or anxious for no particular reason, it was best to remove yourself from the situation, take a breather, and discover the root so she could address things appropriately. Remove herself, before she said something she couldn't take back. June was already on her last chance with Medea. And right now she felt like she was walking on an edge, like one gust of wind would send her stumbling into the sea, so she removed herself.
June took a path further away from the coast, around the boulders, walking unevenly, slowly on the slippery rocks.
So, she had some time to herself now. What was she feeling, and why was she feeling it?
She was anxious about Jezzie being there. She was anxious, because now there was a two-time murderer being in their midst.
She was angry? annoyed? at Medea for bringing her, for putting her own morals above her own survival instincts. The same anger you feel at a child for making a stupid mistake, if that made sense. It didn't make sense to a lot of people, actually, whenever she tried explaining it, but it made sense to her, and she only needed to explain to herself.
And, finally, she was feeling guilty because it felt like she was lying, though she was not speaking much, though there was not enough content in her words for her to state falsehood.
She guessed she was lying in her actions. She had let herself take a brief leave because she felt Jezzie would not be stupid enough to make a move with an ally in close vicinity, but even these few minutes away were making her anxious. She did not like Jezzie. In her passivity, in trying to keep the peace and allowing Jezzie to stay amongst them, relaxed, she was not speaking or acting her truth, which was that she did not trust Jezzie, and did not want her around. Every minute that Jezzie stayed unbothered in their company, every minute June spent trying not to acknowledge it felt like a lie. It would fit June's definition of honesty, she guessed, if she plainly stated that she should leave. That would calm June down.
Was it rational? her therapist would ask.
Yes and no. In the grand scheme of things, the social trust they had in one another was almost completely eroded, so this fear was a normal thing to feel, it was valid, is how her therapist would put it. And no in that, Jezzie had seemed remorseful in the brief time they'd spent together so far, and scared, and abashed, and maybe that was why Medea had felt like it was okay to keep her around. Maybe she needed to learn from Medea, and try to give Jezzie a chance. Medea had given June a chance, after all.
That was far enough, she decided. June pivoted on her feet, turned around.
She still did not have an answer. Inside June's heart were two conflicting desires, one to bite her tongue and the other to let loose. The same two wolves that had quarreled within her for her entire life. She did not have an answer, but she had named her feelings and her questions, and that would have to be enough for now. Maybe, given more time, her mind would clear up, and she would have a solution. Maybe, once she spent more time with them, she would have more information to give her an answer. Maybe, once she made it past this boulder and rejoined them, she would find
Jezzie Stark slitting the throat of her best friend.
The only truth June Madison currently knew was the buzzing of blood in her ears. The sudden tightness in her chest.
Letting out a ragged, pained scream, June ran towards Jezzie, and tackled her onto the ground.
June's answers had been growing shorter and snippier whenever Jezzie or Medea asked her something about the escape. Jezzie's voice annoyed her actually. Small and tinny voice from a small and tinny lady. And Medea just kept extending the conversation on and on, well past when most people would let it lie.
She just needed a minute or two to walk away, a minute or two to walk back.
"Let's fill in some things," her therapist would tell her, whenever she noticed June in a sour mood for no particular reason. Fill in, backfill, figure out the reason for her feelings. June tended to feel before she thought, it was the cause of a lot of issues. So, her therapist had advised her, if she ever found herself becoming irritable or anxious for no particular reason, it was best to remove yourself from the situation, take a breather, and discover the root so she could address things appropriately. Remove herself, before she said something she couldn't take back. June was already on her last chance with Medea. And right now she felt like she was walking on an edge, like one gust of wind would send her stumbling into the sea, so she removed herself.
June took a path further away from the coast, around the boulders, walking unevenly, slowly on the slippery rocks.
So, she had some time to herself now. What was she feeling, and why was she feeling it?
She was anxious about Jezzie being there. She was anxious, because now there was a two-time murderer being in their midst.
She was angry? annoyed? at Medea for bringing her, for putting her own morals above her own survival instincts. The same anger you feel at a child for making a stupid mistake, if that made sense. It didn't make sense to a lot of people, actually, whenever she tried explaining it, but it made sense to her, and she only needed to explain to herself.
And, finally, she was feeling guilty because it felt like she was lying, though she was not speaking much, though there was not enough content in her words for her to state falsehood.
She guessed she was lying in her actions. She had let herself take a brief leave because she felt Jezzie would not be stupid enough to make a move with an ally in close vicinity, but even these few minutes away were making her anxious. She did not like Jezzie. In her passivity, in trying to keep the peace and allowing Jezzie to stay amongst them, relaxed, she was not speaking or acting her truth, which was that she did not trust Jezzie, and did not want her around. Every minute that Jezzie stayed unbothered in their company, every minute June spent trying not to acknowledge it felt like a lie. It would fit June's definition of honesty, she guessed, if she plainly stated that she should leave. That would calm June down.
Was it rational? her therapist would ask.
Yes and no. In the grand scheme of things, the social trust they had in one another was almost completely eroded, so this fear was a normal thing to feel, it was valid, is how her therapist would put it. And no in that, Jezzie had seemed remorseful in the brief time they'd spent together so far, and scared, and abashed, and maybe that was why Medea had felt like it was okay to keep her around. Maybe she needed to learn from Medea, and try to give Jezzie a chance. Medea had given June a chance, after all.
That was far enough, she decided. June pivoted on her feet, turned around.
She still did not have an answer. Inside June's heart were two conflicting desires, one to bite her tongue and the other to let loose. The same two wolves that had quarreled within her for her entire life. She did not have an answer, but she had named her feelings and her questions, and that would have to be enough for now. Maybe, given more time, her mind would clear up, and she would have a solution. Maybe, once she spent more time with them, she would have more information to give her an answer. Maybe, once she made it past this boulder and rejoined them, she would find
Jezzie Stark slitting the throat of her best friend.
The only truth June Madison currently knew was the buzzing of blood in her ears. The sudden tightness in her chest.
Letting out a ragged, pained scream, June ran towards Jezzie, and tackled her onto the ground.
She didn't know why she dragged the blade along her throat.
She just. Sort of did.
Jezzie watched the life leave Medea. It was practically a blur from the tears in her eyes, but she watched, and she could tell what she was seeing.
Another person was dead because of her. And she couldn't say self defense. Even if it was mercy, it was mercy for what she'd done. She did this. It was all on her. It was her fault. And it didn't matter if Medea could've said a hundred times over that it wasn't because it was. She'd killed a friend. Someone she wanted to save. All because she thought they all could live if they really set their minds to it.
That felt so stupid to think about now. Thinking that they had a chance. It didn't matter that other kids did it before, did it? Who knows what they had to help them, what all had to go right for them, and what happened in general. Was she an idiot? Were they all idiots? Just hoping things would be better, that they'd be different, that they would somehow end thi
Jezzie was thrown back onto the rocks. Her chest and stomach hurt, and there was pressure that made it feel worse. Her eyes couldn't see for a moment, everything looking too bright, like the lighting guy was new at his job and shined it right in her face.
Then it came back, and it all clicked.
The knife had been thrown from her hand, and the bag with the other was too far to reach.
Jezzie raised her palms to her face, shaking them and practically shrieking, even when she knew how the scene would play out already.
"Wait-!"
She just. Sort of did.
Jezzie watched the life leave Medea. It was practically a blur from the tears in her eyes, but she watched, and she could tell what she was seeing.
Another person was dead because of her. And she couldn't say self defense. Even if it was mercy, it was mercy for what she'd done. She did this. It was all on her. It was her fault. And it didn't matter if Medea could've said a hundred times over that it wasn't because it was. She'd killed a friend. Someone she wanted to save. All because she thought they all could live if they really set their minds to it.
That felt so stupid to think about now. Thinking that they had a chance. It didn't matter that other kids did it before, did it? Who knows what they had to help them, what all had to go right for them, and what happened in general. Was she an idiot? Were they all idiots? Just hoping things would be better, that they'd be different, that they would somehow end thi
Jezzie was thrown back onto the rocks. Her chest and stomach hurt, and there was pressure that made it feel worse. Her eyes couldn't see for a moment, everything looking too bright, like the lighting guy was new at his job and shined it right in her face.
Then it came back, and it all clicked.
The knife had been thrown from her hand, and the bag with the other was too far to reach.
Jezzie raised her palms to her face, shaking them and practically shrieking, even when she knew how the scene would play out already.
"Wait-!"
June straddled her, wailed her fist against the side of Jezzie's head, the other arm holding her off the ground.
"YOU DIDN'T WAIT—"
thud, hyperventilating
"DIDN'T WAIT FOR ME TO COME BACK—"
thud, blurry eyes
"FIRST CHANCE YOU GET YOU KILL HER—"
thud, reddened face
"I DIDN'T EVEN—"
thud
"DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SAY GOODBYE."
thud
thud
thud
She grabbed Jezzie by the collar of her sweater, brought Jezzie's face an inch away from hers.
"WHY SHOULD I WAIT? WHY SHOULD I WAIT?"
"YOU DIDN'T WAIT—"
thud, hyperventilating
"DIDN'T WAIT FOR ME TO COME BACK—"
thud, blurry eyes
"FIRST CHANCE YOU GET YOU KILL HER—"
thud, reddened face
"I DIDN'T EVEN—"
thud
"DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SAY GOODBYE."
thud
thud
thud
She grabbed Jezzie by the collar of her sweater, brought Jezzie's face an inch away from hers.
"WHY SHOULD I WAIT? WHY SHOULD I WAIT?"
Everything hurt.
Her head was pounding. It was hard to breath. She couldn't tell if the wetness on her face was tears, sweat, ocean water or blood.
Oh God, this was how she was going to die, wasn't she? On a beach, who fucking knows where, next to a friend she killed because of her own fuck ups.
Not like this.
Please not like this.
She was supposed to be someone.
Everyone was supposed to know her name.
Like her.
Love her.
Want to be her.
Why couldn't it be right?
Why didn't they like her?
Why couldn't they say her name?
Why wouldn't they even look at her?
Jezzie's head was pulled upwards. She couldn't see more than blurs and struggled with the ringing in her ears.
But she knew her lines. She always did, and could never forget them.
"F-fell...cliff collapsed...she couldn't move..."
A sniffle broke through.
"Didn't know...what to do...
" 'm sorry."
Her head was pounding. It was hard to breath. She couldn't tell if the wetness on her face was tears, sweat, ocean water or blood.
Oh God, this was how she was going to die, wasn't she? On a beach, who fucking knows where, next to a friend she killed because of her own fuck ups.
Not like this.
Please not like this.
She was supposed to be someone.
Everyone was supposed to know her name.
Like her.
Love her.
Want to be her.
Why couldn't it be right?
Why didn't they like her?
Why couldn't they say her name?
Why wouldn't they even look at her?
Jezzie's head was pulled upwards. She couldn't see more than blurs and struggled with the ringing in her ears.
But she knew her lines. She always did, and could never forget them.
"F-fell...cliff collapsed...she couldn't move..."
A sniffle broke through.
"Didn't know...what to do...
" 'm sorry."
"You..."
June's fist tightened, the fabric of Jezzie's sweater crumpling.
"You dumb bitch."
Her nails, through the cashmere, made crescent marks in the skin of her palm.
"A...another accident?" she squeaked out, words struggling to escape a constricted throat. "You- you stabbed Steve forty times and the cliff... crumbled? Stabbed... Bill and the cliff crumbled?"
Her breath deepened, quickened.
"Five-foot drop, five- five fucking feet and you have to MERCY KILL HER?" she screamed, her voice breaking at the last.
Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, in, out, in, out, in, out, in out in out inoutinoutinoutinout—
Her eyes dilated, pupils shrinking to pinpricks. A smile grew on June's lips.
"The wrong kid died... you should have... you won't stop... Steve wasn't enough, Bill wasn't enough, Medea wasn't enough..."
She let go of Jezzie's sweater.
Elbows braced on the ground, she lifted both hands, wrapped them around her throat. She began to tighten.
"Why should I wait WHY SHOULD I WAIT?"
June's fist tightened, the fabric of Jezzie's sweater crumpling.
"You dumb bitch."
Her nails, through the cashmere, made crescent marks in the skin of her palm.
"A...another accident?" she squeaked out, words struggling to escape a constricted throat. "You- you stabbed Steve forty times and the cliff... crumbled? Stabbed... Bill and the cliff crumbled?"
Her breath deepened, quickened.
"Five-foot drop, five- five fucking feet and you have to MERCY KILL HER?" she screamed, her voice breaking at the last.
Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, in, out, in, out, in, out, in out in out inoutinoutinoutinout—
Her eyes dilated, pupils shrinking to pinpricks. A smile grew on June's lips.
"The wrong kid died... you should have... you won't stop... Steve wasn't enough, Bill wasn't enough, Medea wasn't enough..."
She let go of Jezzie's sweater.
Elbows braced on the ground, she lifted both hands, wrapped them around her throat. She began to tighten.
"Why should I wait WHY SHOULD I WAIT?"
Why did she say anything? Why did she think saying anything would work? It only made things worse.
June was only angrier. The truth was so wrong it sounded like a lie, and everything from before just made it worse.
She didn't know what she was seeing, but it wasn't good. It scared her. Made her small. Weak. Nothing.
Was this what Steve and Bill felt? When the knife came down? When the heart was going to be still soon?
June said something about the wrong kid dying. She wasn't sure she could deny it.
Then, hands were around her throat. And she wanted to.
Jezzie's own fingers clawed, desperation rising.
Not like this. Not like this.
Say something say something say something-
"Sh...she loved...you..."
It was all her brain could give. Muddled with fear and guilt and loathing and a million other emotions she couldn't name.
She didn't think it mattered, though. Not anymore.
June was only angrier. The truth was so wrong it sounded like a lie, and everything from before just made it worse.
She didn't know what she was seeing, but it wasn't good. It scared her. Made her small. Weak. Nothing.
Was this what Steve and Bill felt? When the knife came down? When the heart was going to be still soon?
June said something about the wrong kid dying. She wasn't sure she could deny it.
Then, hands were around her throat. And she wanted to.
Jezzie's own fingers clawed, desperation rising.
Not like this. Not like this.
Say something say something say something-
"Sh...she loved...you..."
It was all her brain could give. Muddled with fear and guilt and loathing and a million other emotions she couldn't name.
She didn't think it mattered, though. Not anymore.