[S119 - Julia Guercio - continued from 21 Sacraments]
As the dusky haze rolled in over the island, the temperature started to drop at an alarming rate. The church was a good enough refuge, it was spacious, Josh and Julia were able to barricade where needed and keep potential enemies away from them, but it was far from perfect. Namely, it was inherently cold. The palatial emptiness kept the room crisp and as the hours passed and the evening approached, each word spoken and breath taken was accompanied by a swelling cloud of fog that swirled up into the abyss above.
Julia volunteered to go and collect firewood in a desperate bid to keep them warm as the sun sank itself down behind the mountain once more, putting itself to sleep for the night. It gave Joshua a chance to hold down the fort, and if anybody was to arrive at the church he would be better at dealing with the situation than she would be. And so she headed out under the veil of the twilight mist, utilising the advantage granted through the elevation the church had on the rest of the town to scout out where to go. Josh had entrusted her with his rifle too – not that she really knew how to use it – but at least it looked good. Why would anybody mess with somebody carrying a rifle? For anybody else looking on she could be a gun-wielding maniac ready to release that trigger. The reality of her weakness was unimportant for this mission.
Her two objectives were clear; avoid everybody else at all costs, and get the wood back to the church to start a fire.
The hill that the church sat upon gave her the vantage point she needed to look down in to the busier, more residential streets. The atmospheric unease lingered in the air outside of their divine refuge as she made sure the streets were clear. A little to the south of the hill a larger cluster of trees made up a makeshift arctic forest which she hoped would fetch her the resources she needed. And so she darted down the hill in that direction, wasting no time at all and making sure to keep out of the view of foreign eyes.
Stalking the shadows was easy. She crept around the corners of the buildings making sure not to disturb the placid peace, looking in each direction carefully as she darted towards the cover of the woodland. So far, so good. Julia made it out of the busier town area and found herself lost within the forest, the trees dusted with a fresh sprinkling of snow keeping the sky lighter than it normally would at that time. The cold in the air stung as her unprotected legs grew sore from the icy chill seeped through her denim jeans, each second of abrasion a desperate reminder that she needed to be quick.
Fortunately, the forest was fruitful. The remnants of branches that had clearly collapsed under the unrelenting strain of the piling snow. Julia released her grip on the assault rifle for the first time since leaving Joshua back at the church as she opened her duffel-bag, piling in what she could. Her fingers had turned an unflattering shade of ox blood as the blood vessels reacted to the sub-zero temperatures, red raw from the splinters. When done with the wood gathering, she collected her things; throwing her bag over her shoulder as her desensitized fingers once again found themselves wrapped back around the gun like her life depended on it.
She had lost track of time being outside – the snow-lit sky and endless rows of trees leaving her disillusioned. Fortunately, the hill was just about visible through the canopy layers, the church standing like a colossus atop it if you squinted enough, looking down on them all. The nifty little metaphor for God’s holy judgement over the rest of the bleak town was obvious.
And then she heard the sound that filled every inch of her body with dread. An inconsistent crunch of snow that was getting ever-so-louder with each step.
Did she have enough time to run for it? Her exhaustion weighed heavy, but the adrenaline that trickled throughout her circulation was probably enough to carry her back to safety. Back to Joshua. The crackling noises of the figure continued to get louder, but not at a hurried pace. It sounded more like they were on a leisurely stroll – but that couldn’t be right… could it? Julia scampered behind the nearest tree, covering herself as much as possible as she cowered behind the withered trunk. It didn’t seem possible, but her cold hands felt like they were starting to sweat from her tightened grip.
Julia peered around the side of the tree to assess the risk, concealing her weapon to ensure she kept the upper hand in any confrontation. To her surprise, a figure, a boy, was walking directly towards her tree. Even with just the top half of her head poking out she felt exposed. She took a step back and raised the gun, fearful that her position had been given away.
He was like a zombie.
Arms floating in front of him as if being used to sense his surroundings. The gun was pointed directly at him and yet he was still completely unyielding in his movements, hobbling straight towards her. Not knowing what to do, she blinked a few times in quick succession in an attempt to clear her eyes. Maybe the tiredness and haze in the air were playing tricks on her mind.
Surely it was just in her imagination?
Zombies aren't real.
Blind Faith
Private; day 6 evening (CW: eye stuff)
((Przemyslaw Ziemiak continues from I daydream until all the snow is gone))
Shu had left him. Just like Shawn, just like Bethany, just like Amos and Aion, Shu had left him. It was one thing to be ensnared in his grip, and it was another to be left alone in the middle of a sea of darkness. Shu had left him alone in that darkness, just like all the others, without so much as a morsel of food.
Przemek wandered forward step by step, step by step, arms stuck out to act as his eyes. Shu hadn't even let him keep his walking stick, he had dropped it somewhere along the path he was dragged on and he hadn't come back for it, so Przemek was reduced to reaching his arms out into the dark, condemned to bump into one tree, and the next tree, and the next tree.
He realized, now, that God hated him. God was punishing him for killing Ethan. It had been an accident, he didn't mean to push him off that cliff, he was sorry, he was really, really sorry, but wrong was wrong like his mother told him before she disowned him, wrong was wrong and wrong was to be punished, so God was punishing him. Przemek was slowly realizing that he would never know anything but the ice cold crunch of snow in his stomach, that he would never see anything but the yellow-red-green-blue-black static of his smashed-in eyes, and that the only heat he would ever feel would be the temperature of his blood reaching literal fever pitch, fighting off his infected wounds. God hated him, and had decided to prepare him for hell before sending him there.
But still, he walked onwards. Stumblingly, painstakingly, he walked. His pastor had told him before that suicide was a sin, and Przemek, despite everything, did not want to die. He just didn't. Life was good before all this, and maybe life could be good after this, if he made it. He had made it farther than he expected after all. Bethany was dead, he remembered, it's what the last announcements said. He outlasted Bethany, and now she was burning in hell for abandoning him. That made him happy. It was the only victory he had felt on this island. Beth was dead, and he was not, and maybe, if he kept walking, he would outlast Shawn, and Aracelis, and he would stay alive long enough for rescue. Maybe, if he walked long enough, God would realize that he had suffered enough, that he had repented enough, and maybe all his suffering would come to an end. Maybe his fever would go away, maybe his hunger would go away, maybe his blindness would go away, and maybe he'd meet someone who wouldn't abandon him.
And so Przemek's outstretched arms bumped into someone.
He felt flesh, he felt warmth, he felt someone alive. He grabbed them desperately, fell to his knees, and he looked up at the person with his blood-soaked gauze eyes.
He begged, "Food? Do you have food? Please?"
Shu had left him. Just like Shawn, just like Bethany, just like Amos and Aion, Shu had left him. It was one thing to be ensnared in his grip, and it was another to be left alone in the middle of a sea of darkness. Shu had left him alone in that darkness, just like all the others, without so much as a morsel of food.
Przemek wandered forward step by step, step by step, arms stuck out to act as his eyes. Shu hadn't even let him keep his walking stick, he had dropped it somewhere along the path he was dragged on and he hadn't come back for it, so Przemek was reduced to reaching his arms out into the dark, condemned to bump into one tree, and the next tree, and the next tree.
He realized, now, that God hated him. God was punishing him for killing Ethan. It had been an accident, he didn't mean to push him off that cliff, he was sorry, he was really, really sorry, but wrong was wrong like his mother told him before she disowned him, wrong was wrong and wrong was to be punished, so God was punishing him. Przemek was slowly realizing that he would never know anything but the ice cold crunch of snow in his stomach, that he would never see anything but the yellow-red-green-blue-black static of his smashed-in eyes, and that the only heat he would ever feel would be the temperature of his blood reaching literal fever pitch, fighting off his infected wounds. God hated him, and had decided to prepare him for hell before sending him there.
But still, he walked onwards. Stumblingly, painstakingly, he walked. His pastor had told him before that suicide was a sin, and Przemek, despite everything, did not want to die. He just didn't. Life was good before all this, and maybe life could be good after this, if he made it. He had made it farther than he expected after all. Bethany was dead, he remembered, it's what the last announcements said. He outlasted Bethany, and now she was burning in hell for abandoning him. That made him happy. It was the only victory he had felt on this island. Beth was dead, and he was not, and maybe, if he kept walking, he would outlast Shawn, and Aracelis, and he would stay alive long enough for rescue. Maybe, if he walked long enough, God would realize that he had suffered enough, that he had repented enough, and maybe all his suffering would come to an end. Maybe his fever would go away, maybe his hunger would go away, maybe his blindness would go away, and maybe he'd meet someone who wouldn't abandon him.
And so Przemek's outstretched arms bumped into someone.
He felt flesh, he felt warmth, he felt someone alive. He grabbed them desperately, fell to his knees, and he looked up at the person with his blood-soaked gauze eyes.
He begged, "Food? Do you have food? Please?"
The zombie kept edging towards her, arms waving frantically trying to find it's way. Her frail fingers clutched at the trigger of Joshua's gun, every step marking an increase in heartbeat as it pulsated out of her chest. Horror movies weren't Julia's thing, and the real life zombie apocalypse wasn't either. Panic singed through her bones as it drew closer and closer.
One more step and she would do it.
She'd pull that trigger the next time the zombie moved closer.
But she didn't.
Ok... on the next step.
Again. Nothing happened
Silence rang as her bullets stayed locked in the shell of the firearm. All it took for her to save herself from this lurking monster was to bite down on the trigger, and yet she couldn't. In the contradiction of reality, the closer he got to her, the more her grip relaxed. That wasn't right. It was meant to be the other way.
Come on Julia.
Pull yourself together.
The threat continued making humble strides towards her, slowly but surely intruding on her peripheral as the vision of horror became less blurry. She impulsively lowered her gun as her jaw fell open at what she had laid eyes on.
It was a boy. A short boy that had the face of a disfigured Picasso painting. Some bandages had tried to clean it up but what was left was simply disgusting. A bloodied mess of fissures written across what little was left of his face. The terror she originally felt was immediately replaced with sympathy as she started to make sense of it. No, she wasn't caught in some dangerous zombie apocalypse, he must be blind. In which case, he had no idea she was still there. She knew as soon as she moved the sound of her feet trampling through the snow would alert him to her, but he looked harmless. The bitterness of the cold she had felt earlier had gone; vanquished by the throbbing adrenaline.
He had made strides further than she had realised, as his right arm stretched out and stroked her shoulder intimately. He had reacted to her touch by collapsing to the ground in desperation - begging her to share her food supplies. She lurched backwards one more step.
"D-don't come any closer!"
Her words snapped her out of her daydream. The closest description would be that of a car crash on the highway. The morbid curiousity driving the temptation to put the brakes on and keep staring at the wreck instead of the road ahead. Her spectatorship was resolute, as she couldn't stop herself from staring at his wounds. The gruesome remnants of a face left behind looking up at her as if she was Mother Teresa. She wanted to help him. Of course she did. Desperately. But this game for survival brought the worst out of everybody. She only had limited rations left. Joshua had gotten some from somebody he had bumped in to beforehand so was kind enough to share some of his with her, but she instinctively knew that he would not want her donating her limited stock to somebody else.
She studied the boy, who was continuing to grovel on the ground. Somehow his tear ducts were still functioning.
"Przemek?" she gasped quietly, "Is that y-you?"
Julia felt sick looking at him in that condition. Her mind filled with shades of sympathy and pity, trying desperately to avoid thinking about what - or who - injured him so badly. His wounds smelled putrid as it was clear infection had set in, his cuts were dribbling. Whatever had happened must've happened early on given the level of decay. She remembered his name on one of the early reports - he threw somebody off a cliff or something equally horrific. Maybe it was in self defense after they attacked him?
"I-I'm sorry. I don't have any f-food on me."
It wasn't a very believable thing to say, but to her honour she wasn't lying. She had emptied her bag back at the church of nearly all of her supplies in order to maximise the amount of firewood able to be collected. She hoped he didn't think she was lying, although wasn't sure of how he would even react if he did suspect her. They weren't exactly friends, in fact the two had barely ever interacted. The only thing she could comment on was his name. It was a cool name. European, like her roots. When she first saw his name on the class register she remembered looking up a video online of how to pronounce it, making sure that if she ever needed to that she could confidently. She wanted to be cultured, and the amount of people who would misspell or mispronounce her surname was a prominent reminder that she needed to be better than that and respect others. That was just the sort of constantly overthinking nerd she was. Whilst watching that video, never in a million years would she have suspected that this was when she would need to know how to pronounce his name.
She looked down at him as he looked, sort of, back up at her, an awkward silence filling the forest as she hesitated on what to say or do next. What was she supposed to do?
One more step and she would do it.
She'd pull that trigger the next time the zombie moved closer.
But she didn't.
Ok... on the next step.
Again. Nothing happened
Silence rang as her bullets stayed locked in the shell of the firearm. All it took for her to save herself from this lurking monster was to bite down on the trigger, and yet she couldn't. In the contradiction of reality, the closer he got to her, the more her grip relaxed. That wasn't right. It was meant to be the other way.
Come on Julia.
Pull yourself together.
The threat continued making humble strides towards her, slowly but surely intruding on her peripheral as the vision of horror became less blurry. She impulsively lowered her gun as her jaw fell open at what she had laid eyes on.
It was a boy. A short boy that had the face of a disfigured Picasso painting. Some bandages had tried to clean it up but what was left was simply disgusting. A bloodied mess of fissures written across what little was left of his face. The terror she originally felt was immediately replaced with sympathy as she started to make sense of it. No, she wasn't caught in some dangerous zombie apocalypse, he must be blind. In which case, he had no idea she was still there. She knew as soon as she moved the sound of her feet trampling through the snow would alert him to her, but he looked harmless. The bitterness of the cold she had felt earlier had gone; vanquished by the throbbing adrenaline.
He had made strides further than she had realised, as his right arm stretched out and stroked her shoulder intimately. He had reacted to her touch by collapsing to the ground in desperation - begging her to share her food supplies. She lurched backwards one more step.
"D-don't come any closer!"
Her words snapped her out of her daydream. The closest description would be that of a car crash on the highway. The morbid curiousity driving the temptation to put the brakes on and keep staring at the wreck instead of the road ahead. Her spectatorship was resolute, as she couldn't stop herself from staring at his wounds. The gruesome remnants of a face left behind looking up at her as if she was Mother Teresa. She wanted to help him. Of course she did. Desperately. But this game for survival brought the worst out of everybody. She only had limited rations left. Joshua had gotten some from somebody he had bumped in to beforehand so was kind enough to share some of his with her, but she instinctively knew that he would not want her donating her limited stock to somebody else.
She studied the boy, who was continuing to grovel on the ground. Somehow his tear ducts were still functioning.
"Przemek?" she gasped quietly, "Is that y-you?"
Julia felt sick looking at him in that condition. Her mind filled with shades of sympathy and pity, trying desperately to avoid thinking about what - or who - injured him so badly. His wounds smelled putrid as it was clear infection had set in, his cuts were dribbling. Whatever had happened must've happened early on given the level of decay. She remembered his name on one of the early reports - he threw somebody off a cliff or something equally horrific. Maybe it was in self defense after they attacked him?
"I-I'm sorry. I don't have any f-food on me."
It wasn't a very believable thing to say, but to her honour she wasn't lying. She had emptied her bag back at the church of nearly all of her supplies in order to maximise the amount of firewood able to be collected. She hoped he didn't think she was lying, although wasn't sure of how he would even react if he did suspect her. They weren't exactly friends, in fact the two had barely ever interacted. The only thing she could comment on was his name. It was a cool name. European, like her roots. When she first saw his name on the class register she remembered looking up a video online of how to pronounce it, making sure that if she ever needed to that she could confidently. She wanted to be cultured, and the amount of people who would misspell or mispronounce her surname was a prominent reminder that she needed to be better than that and respect others. That was just the sort of constantly overthinking nerd she was. Whilst watching that video, never in a million years would she have suspected that this was when she would need to know how to pronounce his name.
She looked down at him as he looked, sort of, back up at her, an awkward silence filling the forest as she hesitated on what to say or do next. What was she supposed to do?
His stomach dropped. He felt woozy, like he was on the edge of that cliff all over again, like he was about to collapse.
She was going to reject him. The first person he'd found in this darkness was going to reject him, cast him aside like everyone else. She saw him in all his shame, in all his pity, and she still didn't want to help him. No one was going to help him, he was going to die cold and alone.
He held onto her tighter.
"Please. I was-—Aracelis stomped my face into a bunch of nails and- and Shawn and Beth took me to a mine and abandoned me— I— hungry, I'm so hungry, I— fever, I'm fevered, I'm cold, and I asked for help and Shu kidnapped me— I haven't— he didn't let me eat, I haven't eaten in days, I— I—"
He gasped for breath, started spluttering, choking on his tears, water cascading down his face.
"I don't have anyone! I— I have no one. No one wants me."
Snot dripped down from his nose. He folded his hands together, shook them at her.
"Please, please, just give me some food, please. I'll do anything. Please."
She was going to reject him. The first person he'd found in this darkness was going to reject him, cast him aside like everyone else. She saw him in all his shame, in all his pity, and she still didn't want to help him. No one was going to help him, he was going to die cold and alone.
He held onto her tighter.
"Please. I was-—Aracelis stomped my face into a bunch of nails and- and Shawn and Beth took me to a mine and abandoned me— I— hungry, I'm so hungry, I— fever, I'm fevered, I'm cold, and I asked for help and Shu kidnapped me— I haven't— he didn't let me eat, I haven't eaten in days, I— I—"
He gasped for breath, started spluttering, choking on his tears, water cascading down his face.
"I don't have anyone! I— I have no one. No one wants me."
Snot dripped down from his nose. He folded his hands together, shook them at her.
"Please, please, just give me some food, please. I'll do anything. Please."
Her thoughts on how to react or what to do were as mangled as his face.
Joshua wouldn't be happy with her bringing Przemek back to the church, she was on a mission for firewood not highly dependent allies. But she couldn't shake the pity she discerned for him, it only strengthened as he explained what had happened to him. Aracelis did that? She remembered the name from one of the earlier reports but couldn't remember who she had killed, like Przemek it was a nice name. One you don't forget too easily. They hadn't interacted much in school either, she was a cheerleading type so they had very little in common, but Przemek's story had reminded her that everybody is a risk. What he explained wasn't just a fight or - and it choked her to even think like this - a murder. In some ways this was far far worse. Essentially crippling a classmate, blinding him with grisly intent. She had mutilated him and then left him to fend for himself on a snowy island, and it seemed that the others he had encountered didn't think much of wanting to help him either.
His torment and misery was exasperating to watch as he crawled forward to grab at Julia's ankles, repeating in desperation his wish for food and help. It was impossible to look away, impossible to just leave him there. It was clear he wouldn't last much longer out here. Either prolonged exposure to the biting cold would get him if he was lucky, if not he would quickly succumb to his injuries. The moral skirmish kept battling away in her mind over whether to leave him like the others or whether to go.
He was visibly shaking; likely a combination of extreme fear or relief, the uncertainty of his fate with what for him was nothing short of a stranger must have weighed hard. His clambering fingers wrapping around her ankles until she almost lost balance. She instinctively kicked her foot up to shoo away his hooked claws, taking a few steps backwards to remove herself from his grip. It was too cold to start frolicking around in the snow, and if he wanted food that badly then desperate people can do desperate things. If he could find a way, he would probably not have hesitated to climb over her to get whatever was left of the food at the bottom of her bag. That's just what desperation drove.
In her head, the face of Joshua ingrained in to her vision as she could see his nonchalant face judging her for bringing this weak boy back to their refuge. His bluntness occasionally cut deep and she didn't want to risk upsetting him again. What they had was good and she didn't need somebody else coming in and getting in between that. She actually liked him. The boy that seemed to have no friends or story before this, he was good to her and she needed to keep him happy to avoid the unpredictabilities.
And yet she went against all of her instincts. Her head, her gut, even the goosebumps scattered across her skin were screaming at her to leave him. To run back to the church and pretend no encounter had ever happened. Leave the memories printed in the snow, destined to be masked by the falling snowflakes within hours.
"L-look... I don't have any food on me, ok?"
His cascading tears muffled her words, but she kept going without wanting to raise her voice any louder.
"I'm staying up in the church with somebody else, J-Joshua. Maybe you know him from the lacrosse team at school? It's not too far and we have food there-"
She had barely even finished the word food and he had already pulled himself up, enrolling himself in to their story. His begging and pleading had turned to appetency as he hobbled back towards her. Maybe her decision to help the boy in the distress would backfire on her, he was seemingly unable to keep quiet and she didn't want that noise to draw in anyone else. There were so many killers on this island and to survive she needed to avoid unwanted attention. Doing her usual - stick to the shadows and out of the line of fire.
"Come here," she started, her voice guiding him back towards her. "Here. Hold my arm and we can w-walk together."
He seemed overcome with emotion that she was helping him, another win for Doctor Julia.
"P-please be quiet though..."
She didn't want to state the obvious to him, he was having enough grief as it was, but she couldn't have this liability causing problems for her.
As the snow fell around them, the pair walked back to the church at a much slower pace than her outbound trip. For the most part the walk was fine. Przemek slipped a few times on the icy slow, Julia buckled once under his weight as she pulled him past tree after tree back in to the mining town. The hill back to the church doors was the hardest part, the gradient going up felt a lot steeper than it was on the way down. Not helped at all by having a bag filled with heavy firewood and a walking scar stowing his entire bodyweight on to her. But they eventually made it. Somehow in one piece and without any major blunders or, more importantly, assaults.
His peeling skin had flaked across that side of her coat, the juices from his facial wounds mixed with the waterfall of tears had oozed down on to her shoulder and the stench of rotting flesh was enough to make her gag. This was once again great practice for her future.
Well. If she had a future.
The sensation in her stomach as they approached the doors was comparable to acid reflux. A combination of the internal dry heaving displacing her stomach acid in to her oesophagus whilst the dread of how Joshua was going to react tormented her skin and bones. He didn't like surprises, or the feeling he was losing control. She had learned that the hard way when he pinned her down to the bed. He promised he wouldn't do it again, and she believed him, but this was quite a long meander away from the plan and she could only hope that him being caught off guard wasn't going to doom them both.
She lightly tapped on the lumbering doors, knocking to announce that she had returned before pulling at the handle to open the heavy wooden doors. The first thing she saw was Joshua who had stood up near to one of the back pews. A very gentle smile on his face as he locked eyes with her and she threw her bag of wood down on to the baltic stone floor leaving just his gun in her free hand. She watched as his welcoming grin faded as she released herself from Przemek's clutch and the boy followed her in, collapsing through the doors and hitting the ground near her bag. The walk had clearly exhausted him even more as she glanced from the blinded casualty across to Joshua's piercing eyes - a sinister look of perplexity written across his features.
"I can e-explain."
Joshua wouldn't be happy with her bringing Przemek back to the church, she was on a mission for firewood not highly dependent allies. But she couldn't shake the pity she discerned for him, it only strengthened as he explained what had happened to him. Aracelis did that? She remembered the name from one of the earlier reports but couldn't remember who she had killed, like Przemek it was a nice name. One you don't forget too easily. They hadn't interacted much in school either, she was a cheerleading type so they had very little in common, but Przemek's story had reminded her that everybody is a risk. What he explained wasn't just a fight or - and it choked her to even think like this - a murder. In some ways this was far far worse. Essentially crippling a classmate, blinding him with grisly intent. She had mutilated him and then left him to fend for himself on a snowy island, and it seemed that the others he had encountered didn't think much of wanting to help him either.
His torment and misery was exasperating to watch as he crawled forward to grab at Julia's ankles, repeating in desperation his wish for food and help. It was impossible to look away, impossible to just leave him there. It was clear he wouldn't last much longer out here. Either prolonged exposure to the biting cold would get him if he was lucky, if not he would quickly succumb to his injuries. The moral skirmish kept battling away in her mind over whether to leave him like the others or whether to go.
He was visibly shaking; likely a combination of extreme fear or relief, the uncertainty of his fate with what for him was nothing short of a stranger must have weighed hard. His clambering fingers wrapping around her ankles until she almost lost balance. She instinctively kicked her foot up to shoo away his hooked claws, taking a few steps backwards to remove herself from his grip. It was too cold to start frolicking around in the snow, and if he wanted food that badly then desperate people can do desperate things. If he could find a way, he would probably not have hesitated to climb over her to get whatever was left of the food at the bottom of her bag. That's just what desperation drove.
In her head, the face of Joshua ingrained in to her vision as she could see his nonchalant face judging her for bringing this weak boy back to their refuge. His bluntness occasionally cut deep and she didn't want to risk upsetting him again. What they had was good and she didn't need somebody else coming in and getting in between that. She actually liked him. The boy that seemed to have no friends or story before this, he was good to her and she needed to keep him happy to avoid the unpredictabilities.
And yet she went against all of her instincts. Her head, her gut, even the goosebumps scattered across her skin were screaming at her to leave him. To run back to the church and pretend no encounter had ever happened. Leave the memories printed in the snow, destined to be masked by the falling snowflakes within hours.
"L-look... I don't have any food on me, ok?"
His cascading tears muffled her words, but she kept going without wanting to raise her voice any louder.
"I'm staying up in the church with somebody else, J-Joshua. Maybe you know him from the lacrosse team at school? It's not too far and we have food there-"
She had barely even finished the word food and he had already pulled himself up, enrolling himself in to their story. His begging and pleading had turned to appetency as he hobbled back towards her. Maybe her decision to help the boy in the distress would backfire on her, he was seemingly unable to keep quiet and she didn't want that noise to draw in anyone else. There were so many killers on this island and to survive she needed to avoid unwanted attention. Doing her usual - stick to the shadows and out of the line of fire.
"Come here," she started, her voice guiding him back towards her. "Here. Hold my arm and we can w-walk together."
He seemed overcome with emotion that she was helping him, another win for Doctor Julia.
"P-please be quiet though..."
She didn't want to state the obvious to him, he was having enough grief as it was, but she couldn't have this liability causing problems for her.
As the snow fell around them, the pair walked back to the church at a much slower pace than her outbound trip. For the most part the walk was fine. Przemek slipped a few times on the icy slow, Julia buckled once under his weight as she pulled him past tree after tree back in to the mining town. The hill back to the church doors was the hardest part, the gradient going up felt a lot steeper than it was on the way down. Not helped at all by having a bag filled with heavy firewood and a walking scar stowing his entire bodyweight on to her. But they eventually made it. Somehow in one piece and without any major blunders or, more importantly, assaults.
His peeling skin had flaked across that side of her coat, the juices from his facial wounds mixed with the waterfall of tears had oozed down on to her shoulder and the stench of rotting flesh was enough to make her gag. This was once again great practice for her future.
Well. If she had a future.
The sensation in her stomach as they approached the doors was comparable to acid reflux. A combination of the internal dry heaving displacing her stomach acid in to her oesophagus whilst the dread of how Joshua was going to react tormented her skin and bones. He didn't like surprises, or the feeling he was losing control. She had learned that the hard way when he pinned her down to the bed. He promised he wouldn't do it again, and she believed him, but this was quite a long meander away from the plan and she could only hope that him being caught off guard wasn't going to doom them both.
She lightly tapped on the lumbering doors, knocking to announce that she had returned before pulling at the handle to open the heavy wooden doors. The first thing she saw was Joshua who had stood up near to one of the back pews. A very gentle smile on his face as he locked eyes with her and she threw her bag of wood down on to the baltic stone floor leaving just his gun in her free hand. She watched as his welcoming grin faded as she released herself from Przemek's clutch and the boy followed her in, collapsing through the doors and hitting the ground near her bag. The walk had clearly exhausted him even more as she glanced from the blinded casualty across to Joshua's piercing eyes - a sinister look of perplexity written across his features.
"I can e-explain."
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Ruggahissy
- Posts: 2540
- Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:13 pm
Josh had been alone in the church, waiting awhile for Julia to return with wood for a fire to heat up the frigid building. It felt like, in his experience, churches ran extra cold in the winter and extra hot in the summer. Maybe that was just the church he frequented, though. He walked around, making sure there was nothing else of note in the building. He saw the entrance to the cellar where he'd hidden with Dani, but didn't go in. It was a place to hide, but not a place to spend time. He didn't feel like hiding.
As he moved the pews closer to the windows -- clearly used as barricades before and then moved a little -- he briefly considered that Julia might not return. He gave her his gun, but he had her food, water and medical supplies. No, she wouldn't leave. It wasn't just the supplies, she wanted the company and the protection. Just like he wanted the company. Well, maybe not exactly the same, but similar.
He gazed at the pulpit with a cross affixed to it. He stared it down, glowering. Then he heard a knock at the door.
Julia.
Josh smirked and went to the doors, wrenching the old wooden thing open. It was Julia, but she had someone under her arm. His smile fell. It was a pathetic wretch with bloodied bandages wrapped around his head. Upon closer inspection, it was Przemek from Worship and Prayer, or that's who this had started as. At the Worship and Prayer club, he was one of the members that was a true believer. Josh had been a little fascinated and a little perturbed by those who were really sincere in their belief, especially contrasted against those who were clearly not like their esteemed club president.
Now he was gruesome, but Josh couldn't help but feel a pang of pity.
Josh knelt on the ground and helped the boy back to his feet. He let Julia explain what had befallen Przemek. He had been disfigured by Aracelis the cheerleader, abandoned by Shawn and Beth (yet another member of Worship and Prayer who Josh had thought was also a true believer, but perhaps not), and then kidnapped and starved by Shu.
Shu?
As she spoke he moved Przemek to a seat at a pew, fished out a protein bar, and gave it to the boy. He wrapped him in one of their blankets -- they had several.
"It's okay, Julia. You're a kind person. It's something I like about you. So I couldn't be mad about you helping someone."
Someone sent by Shu. Someone helpless. A gift?
The boy posed no threat, but he would still be another factor to consider, another potential wrench in the works.
He took her bag from her and started unloading the wood. He didn't know what to say to Przemek. But he thought of the novel Justine, or The Misfortunes of Virtue which he had furtively researched on the internet after looking at a list of banned books.
"Don't worry, Przemek. You'll warm up soon."
As he moved the pews closer to the windows -- clearly used as barricades before and then moved a little -- he briefly considered that Julia might not return. He gave her his gun, but he had her food, water and medical supplies. No, she wouldn't leave. It wasn't just the supplies, she wanted the company and the protection. Just like he wanted the company. Well, maybe not exactly the same, but similar.
He gazed at the pulpit with a cross affixed to it. He stared it down, glowering. Then he heard a knock at the door.
Julia.
Josh smirked and went to the doors, wrenching the old wooden thing open. It was Julia, but she had someone under her arm. His smile fell. It was a pathetic wretch with bloodied bandages wrapped around his head. Upon closer inspection, it was Przemek from Worship and Prayer, or that's who this had started as. At the Worship and Prayer club, he was one of the members that was a true believer. Josh had been a little fascinated and a little perturbed by those who were really sincere in their belief, especially contrasted against those who were clearly not like their esteemed club president.
Now he was gruesome, but Josh couldn't help but feel a pang of pity.
Josh knelt on the ground and helped the boy back to his feet. He let Julia explain what had befallen Przemek. He had been disfigured by Aracelis the cheerleader, abandoned by Shawn and Beth (yet another member of Worship and Prayer who Josh had thought was also a true believer, but perhaps not), and then kidnapped and starved by Shu.
Shu?
As she spoke he moved Przemek to a seat at a pew, fished out a protein bar, and gave it to the boy. He wrapped him in one of their blankets -- they had several.
"It's okay, Julia. You're a kind person. It's something I like about you. So I couldn't be mad about you helping someone."
Someone sent by Shu. Someone helpless. A gift?
The boy posed no threat, but he would still be another factor to consider, another potential wrench in the works.
He took her bag from her and started unloading the wood. He didn't know what to say to Przemek. But he thought of the novel Justine, or The Misfortunes of Virtue which he had furtively researched on the internet after looking at a list of banned books.
"Don't worry, Przemek. You'll warm up soon."
"Th- thank you."
He took the protein bar in both hands, and he felt around with his hands, turned it over. Making sure it was real, that it wasn't another cruel trick played on him by God. After he felt every dimension of it, after he was sure that it wouldnt be yanked from him by Josh or Julia, he shakily ripped open the wrapper, and he scarfed it down bite by bite, loudly chewing and smacking on it, until there was nothing but plastic in his hands. The bar was tough to chew and mostly devoid of taste and it scraped the back of his throat as he swallowed, but in this moment, it reminded him of pączki, those soft, jam-filled fruity donuts his dad used to make him before. This cardboard granola bar was the closest thing to heaven he'd ever tasted.
The blanket, too, felt like home, it felt like he was in front of a fireplace. He shook off the snow that had been coating his head and shoulders for hours, and he felt like he was home.
The girl said her name was Julia, told him she was staying in a church with Joshua, one of the other members of WAP. It made him a bit nervous, going to a church. Przemek loved God, but after everything that had happened, after killing Ethan and all the misfortune that had followed, he wasn't sure God loved him back. Truth be told, he had been shaking the whole time they were there partially due to the cold but also partially due to anxiety. It felt like whenever his teacher would send him to the principal's office for looking at his phone too much, or slacking off with his classmates, back before he became a Christian. Like he knew he would be punished somehow, he just didn't know how.
But he was wrong to doubt God, and he would pray for forgiveness for ever doing so, after he finished enjoying this protein bar. He was in a warm blanket, he was fed, and he was loved. The way sounds echoed off the stone floor, reverberated through what was probably a grand, open, domed space, it felt like home. He was sad he didn't get to see any of it, but he knew, he was somewhere safe now.
Joshua was nice too, from what he remembered. Przemek and he weren't too close, they didn't talk too much, but he showed up at the volunteer activities, and he was Christian, so he had to be a nice guy.
...there was also a Joshua on the announcements a few times right? But, Joshua was a common name, there were probably at least two other Joshua's with them on this island. It must've been one of the other Josh's. This one was too nice to do anything like kill.
He didn't know much about Julia either, but she had to be nice if she'd taken him all the way to this church. She had to be.
Yeah, it was nothing to worry about. He was safe, he was loved. He had walked long enough, and God had finally pitied him. Praise be to the Lord.
He cried still, but they were tears of happiness.
Through a still slightly mucus-clogged throat, he said, "Thank you guys, again. I really appreciate it."
And for the first time in a while, he smiled.
He took the protein bar in both hands, and he felt around with his hands, turned it over. Making sure it was real, that it wasn't another cruel trick played on him by God. After he felt every dimension of it, after he was sure that it wouldnt be yanked from him by Josh or Julia, he shakily ripped open the wrapper, and he scarfed it down bite by bite, loudly chewing and smacking on it, until there was nothing but plastic in his hands. The bar was tough to chew and mostly devoid of taste and it scraped the back of his throat as he swallowed, but in this moment, it reminded him of pączki, those soft, jam-filled fruity donuts his dad used to make him before. This cardboard granola bar was the closest thing to heaven he'd ever tasted.
The blanket, too, felt like home, it felt like he was in front of a fireplace. He shook off the snow that had been coating his head and shoulders for hours, and he felt like he was home.
The girl said her name was Julia, told him she was staying in a church with Joshua, one of the other members of WAP. It made him a bit nervous, going to a church. Przemek loved God, but after everything that had happened, after killing Ethan and all the misfortune that had followed, he wasn't sure God loved him back. Truth be told, he had been shaking the whole time they were there partially due to the cold but also partially due to anxiety. It felt like whenever his teacher would send him to the principal's office for looking at his phone too much, or slacking off with his classmates, back before he became a Christian. Like he knew he would be punished somehow, he just didn't know how.
But he was wrong to doubt God, and he would pray for forgiveness for ever doing so, after he finished enjoying this protein bar. He was in a warm blanket, he was fed, and he was loved. The way sounds echoed off the stone floor, reverberated through what was probably a grand, open, domed space, it felt like home. He was sad he didn't get to see any of it, but he knew, he was somewhere safe now.
Joshua was nice too, from what he remembered. Przemek and he weren't too close, they didn't talk too much, but he showed up at the volunteer activities, and he was Christian, so he had to be a nice guy.
...there was also a Joshua on the announcements a few times right? But, Joshua was a common name, there were probably at least two other Joshua's with them on this island. It must've been one of the other Josh's. This one was too nice to do anything like kill.
He didn't know much about Julia either, but she had to be nice if she'd taken him all the way to this church. She had to be.
Yeah, it was nothing to worry about. He was safe, he was loved. He had walked long enough, and God had finally pitied him. Praise be to the Lord.
He cried still, but they were tears of happiness.
Through a still slightly mucus-clogged throat, he said, "Thank you guys, again. I really appreciate it."
And for the first time in a while, he smiled.
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Ruggahissy
- Posts: 2540
- Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:13 pm
Josh wore a pensive look and he observed Przemek's hands rather than his face.
"Mmhm," he said quietly in response.
With the wood and with some dry leaves for kindling, Josh started a fire at the front of the church away from the carpet or other flammable components that made up the church. It was small and didn't throw off much smoke, but it was helpful in warming the small group.
He sat by Przemek after his work was done and for a bit quietly described the building to him. Stone and wood, austere, upon a small hill, leaning slightly to the right, with a tall bell tower. To the side, Julia catalogued their supplies. He kept an eye on that, and could see how much they had left. Sufficient for two, tight for three.
It could be done with three, but less comfortably.
"It's night. It's dark out. I'll secure the church," he said out loud and touched the back of Przemek's hand. Hot, the same indicated by the color of his skin. An infection of the blood with an obvious source.
Josh rose and started walking around the the periphery of the room touching and knocking on the barricades, but without doing much to them. He approached the entry doors and looked back at Julia, then Przemek.
A deep pain mixed with his churning, rich covetousness. He had no desire to be cruel to Przemek, who had done nothing and suffered so. Still, it would do nothing to keep him but deplete their supplies, prolong his suffering, and possibly act as a yoke to his desires. And if Shu had sent him to them, maybe it was for a deadly purpose. Maybe it was the work of those so-called mysterious ways.
Josh pushed a pew up against the front door, blocking it. The wood scraped painfully as it moved, before thumping against the door.
He walked calmly to Julia and bent over behind her.
"Can I talk to you in the sacristy?" he whispered.
He helped her to her feet and guided her to the other room, one hand holding the gun and the other on the small of her back. He leaned in once more.
Now, even lower, brushing against the curves of her ear.
"You have to end him."
"Mmhm," he said quietly in response.
With the wood and with some dry leaves for kindling, Josh started a fire at the front of the church away from the carpet or other flammable components that made up the church. It was small and didn't throw off much smoke, but it was helpful in warming the small group.
He sat by Przemek after his work was done and for a bit quietly described the building to him. Stone and wood, austere, upon a small hill, leaning slightly to the right, with a tall bell tower. To the side, Julia catalogued their supplies. He kept an eye on that, and could see how much they had left. Sufficient for two, tight for three.
It could be done with three, but less comfortably.
"It's night. It's dark out. I'll secure the church," he said out loud and touched the back of Przemek's hand. Hot, the same indicated by the color of his skin. An infection of the blood with an obvious source.
Josh rose and started walking around the the periphery of the room touching and knocking on the barricades, but without doing much to them. He approached the entry doors and looked back at Julia, then Przemek.
A deep pain mixed with his churning, rich covetousness. He had no desire to be cruel to Przemek, who had done nothing and suffered so. Still, it would do nothing to keep him but deplete their supplies, prolong his suffering, and possibly act as a yoke to his desires. And if Shu had sent him to them, maybe it was for a deadly purpose. Maybe it was the work of those so-called mysterious ways.
Josh pushed a pew up against the front door, blocking it. The wood scraped painfully as it moved, before thumping against the door.
He walked calmly to Julia and bent over behind her.
"Can I talk to you in the sacristy?" he whispered.
He helped her to her feet and guided her to the other room, one hand holding the gun and the other on the small of her back. He leaned in once more.
Now, even lower, brushing against the curves of her ear.
"You have to end him."
Joshua's reaction to Przemek staggering through the church doors had been both surprising and impressive, an astonishing but welcomed change of pace from the intense yet hollow boy who had killed three to date. She was absolutely positive that he was going to react negatively to the situation that by chance had stumbled across her. She expected a power play to assert his authority and regain dominance but instead he stayed calm. In fact, she would even go as far as to say he was welcoming to the wounded boy. He gave Przemek a protein bar from their supplies and ushered him in to the church as if preparing to give a sermon. His compliment of her kindness, even though in this instance it was entirely accidental, was enough to put the smile back on her face. The time they had spent together seemed to have paid off; maybe her kindness had rubbed off on him. Maybe he really was a different person now. A better, kinder version of himself.
The trio gathered in front of the small fire that Joshua lit as the night drifted in, the moon sheltered by the heavy snow-clouds as the snowstorm raged outside. The improvised barricades around the building had blocked off most of the windows and all of the exits. The pews acted like a safety blanket, calming her anxieties and filling her with a warm fuzziness that came with being safe and hidden from the path of trouble. She wasn't the only one feeling happy with how it had all landed, Przemek's mixture of happy tears and large beaming smiles were heart-warming, considering the trauma he had been forced to endure since landing on this island. His injuries were still pretty bad, perhaps irreparably so, but seeing him smile through the pain was super satisfying in a wholesome way. She hoped that their fortress gave him that final grace he deserved after days of horror after horror.
The thought of Shu Hawthorne scared her, in a way that Salem or even Karin couldn't quite do. She hadn't personally bumped into him so far and she was very grateful for that, long may it continue. Joshua had whispered the graphic details of his earlier encounter with him, and now Przemek's stories of being treated like a war criminal; starved and terrorised by Shu. There was something not right about Shu and it chilled her to the bone. He was, alongside Salem, Karin and even the likes of Aracelis, high on her do not engage list.
Przemek hadn't quite made it to sleep yet but he was comfortably sat on a pew, his crying a little more subdued than it had been earlier in the evening. Joshua had been pacing around, doing his own thing and checking the locks on the doors, checking the pews were locked in tight. Keeping her safe as he had done since they first met.
However, nothing could've prepared her for the grim reality of the night as Joshua quietly asked her to speak in the sacristy.
"You have to end him."
The abstract darkness that whirled around her as she inhaled what he spoke, his words like a venomous incantation with the toxicity from the sentiment spitting in to her ear drums. She knew exactly what he meant even if she wished she could live in ignorance. It was clear - he was instructing her to murder Przemek.
Tiny hairs scattered across her body stood up straight as goosebumps tickled her limbs.
No.
She couldn't.
She wouldn't.
She refused. Point blank.
Julia gawked back through the open door at Przemek who was sat there, a newfound smile of innocence inscribed over what was left of his fissured face. He had suffered so much already that there was no way she would add to his suffering.
"N-no." Julia whispered back, making sure the prey sat in the other room was not able to hear what they were discussing. Her silent tone contrasting her longingness to scream the words instead, to shout them in Joshua's direction for him even daring to put her in that position.
She wasn't going to be responsible for this happening. Przemek had found her in the boreal forest outside and she led him here to protect him. To safety, she led him here to safety, not to trap him within these holy four walls and offer him up to whatever God would listen as a sacrifice.
"I c-can't do it, Josh."
His influencing tongue was doing its best to convince her, a preacher of malevolence inciting reason after reason. Some were more logical than others and she would be lying if she said that for a split second she wasn't tempted. The rationale made sense. If she really had a chance at surviving this ordeal then she needed to kill somebody, just one person and maybe this fateful encounter had presented the best possible opportunity. A boy already likely mortally wounded, burning up a feverish temperature as his facial bandages continued to turn darker red as the blood and bodily fluids trickled through.
"I won't do it, Josh."
This time with conviction. She refused to entertain the idea any further. She wasn't a monster and banned herself from becoming that person even with Joshua's pressure weighing down on her hard. If she couldn't pull the trigger out in the cold when he posed a threat, there was no way she could bring herself to pull the trigger on him when he was lulled in to a false sense of security.
And that was that.
Nobody was killing Przemek tonight.
It was their duty to keep him safe.
The trio gathered in front of the small fire that Joshua lit as the night drifted in, the moon sheltered by the heavy snow-clouds as the snowstorm raged outside. The improvised barricades around the building had blocked off most of the windows and all of the exits. The pews acted like a safety blanket, calming her anxieties and filling her with a warm fuzziness that came with being safe and hidden from the path of trouble. She wasn't the only one feeling happy with how it had all landed, Przemek's mixture of happy tears and large beaming smiles were heart-warming, considering the trauma he had been forced to endure since landing on this island. His injuries were still pretty bad, perhaps irreparably so, but seeing him smile through the pain was super satisfying in a wholesome way. She hoped that their fortress gave him that final grace he deserved after days of horror after horror.
The thought of Shu Hawthorne scared her, in a way that Salem or even Karin couldn't quite do. She hadn't personally bumped into him so far and she was very grateful for that, long may it continue. Joshua had whispered the graphic details of his earlier encounter with him, and now Przemek's stories of being treated like a war criminal; starved and terrorised by Shu. There was something not right about Shu and it chilled her to the bone. He was, alongside Salem, Karin and even the likes of Aracelis, high on her do not engage list.
Przemek hadn't quite made it to sleep yet but he was comfortably sat on a pew, his crying a little more subdued than it had been earlier in the evening. Joshua had been pacing around, doing his own thing and checking the locks on the doors, checking the pews were locked in tight. Keeping her safe as he had done since they first met.
However, nothing could've prepared her for the grim reality of the night as Joshua quietly asked her to speak in the sacristy.
"You have to end him."
The abstract darkness that whirled around her as she inhaled what he spoke, his words like a venomous incantation with the toxicity from the sentiment spitting in to her ear drums. She knew exactly what he meant even if she wished she could live in ignorance. It was clear - he was instructing her to murder Przemek.
Tiny hairs scattered across her body stood up straight as goosebumps tickled her limbs.
No.
She couldn't.
She wouldn't.
She refused. Point blank.
Julia gawked back through the open door at Przemek who was sat there, a newfound smile of innocence inscribed over what was left of his fissured face. He had suffered so much already that there was no way she would add to his suffering.
"N-no." Julia whispered back, making sure the prey sat in the other room was not able to hear what they were discussing. Her silent tone contrasting her longingness to scream the words instead, to shout them in Joshua's direction for him even daring to put her in that position.
She wasn't going to be responsible for this happening. Przemek had found her in the boreal forest outside and she led him here to protect him. To safety, she led him here to safety, not to trap him within these holy four walls and offer him up to whatever God would listen as a sacrifice.
"I c-can't do it, Josh."
His influencing tongue was doing its best to convince her, a preacher of malevolence inciting reason after reason. Some were more logical than others and she would be lying if she said that for a split second she wasn't tempted. The rationale made sense. If she really had a chance at surviving this ordeal then she needed to kill somebody, just one person and maybe this fateful encounter had presented the best possible opportunity. A boy already likely mortally wounded, burning up a feverish temperature as his facial bandages continued to turn darker red as the blood and bodily fluids trickled through.
"I won't do it, Josh."
This time with conviction. She refused to entertain the idea any further. She wasn't a monster and banned herself from becoming that person even with Joshua's pressure weighing down on her hard. If she couldn't pull the trigger out in the cold when he posed a threat, there was no way she could bring herself to pull the trigger on him when he was lulled in to a false sense of security.
And that was that.
Nobody was killing Przemek tonight.
It was their duty to keep him safe.
-
Ruggahissy
- Posts: 2540
- Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:13 pm
"Shhh. Keep your voice down," he whispered back and put a finger to his lips, though she hadn't been very loud.
Away from the light in the other room, the small quarters they found themselves in was lit only by a dim reddish orange glow.
"Be reasonable," he murmured in a soothing voice that still carried the lead weight of what he was asking. He pushed the gun towards her and exhaled.
"You're the doctor. You know he won't make it much longer with his wounds the way they are and his infection — I know you’ve noticed. He's in pain. Our supplies are limited, we use up our energy looking after ourselves as is. You have to be honest. You know the rule they told us."
He stepped forward so that their toes were touching and he put a hand on her shoulder, looking down at her solemnly with the echo of fire painting half of their faces.
"I know what you're thinking, Julia. You want to go home. You're willing to pay the toll, but you want it to be someone who deserves it. Someone like Salem or Kitty. But they’re too dangerous; it’s too risky. And what if someone kills them? Then who will you righteously kill for your freedom?"
But she refused steadfastly. Julia challenged him and he frowned. Josh gained no satisfaction from the situation, but he wouldn’t let that pass. He knew that he was right, and she would do as he said. He retracted the gun and bore down on her.
"It's not as though I want this," he said softly, with a sympathy absent from his eyes. "It's just the system we’re in."
Away from the light in the other room, the small quarters they found themselves in was lit only by a dim reddish orange glow.
"Be reasonable," he murmured in a soothing voice that still carried the lead weight of what he was asking. He pushed the gun towards her and exhaled.
"You're the doctor. You know he won't make it much longer with his wounds the way they are and his infection — I know you’ve noticed. He's in pain. Our supplies are limited, we use up our energy looking after ourselves as is. You have to be honest. You know the rule they told us."
He stepped forward so that their toes were touching and he put a hand on her shoulder, looking down at her solemnly with the echo of fire painting half of their faces.
"I know what you're thinking, Julia. You want to go home. You're willing to pay the toll, but you want it to be someone who deserves it. Someone like Salem or Kitty. But they’re too dangerous; it’s too risky. And what if someone kills them? Then who will you righteously kill for your freedom?"
But she refused steadfastly. Julia challenged him and he frowned. Josh gained no satisfaction from the situation, but he wouldn’t let that pass. He knew that he was right, and she would do as he said. He retracted the gun and bore down on her.
"It's not as though I want this," he said softly, with a sympathy absent from his eyes. "It's just the system we’re in."
Przemek had felt safe at first.
The way Joshua touched his hand, the warmth of the fire he had lit, set up the cozy atmosphere, made him feel safe. And, Joshua had painted for him a vivid description of the church they sat in, and for the first time since Shawn and Beth had separated from him, he had an idea of the world beyond that he could touch and hear. Joshua had shone some light on him, in short. No one had offered him that courtesy since Beth, and Beth had abandoned him, so her courtesy meant nothing.
So, when he told him that they needed to secure the church, Przemek didn't think anything of the knocking and tussling of wooden furniture on stone floor. Not even when the pew made that cringe-inducing screeching sound. He didn't think anything of it.
It was when Joshua whispered something to Julia, and their footsteps echoed softer and softer, away from him, that his throat started to tighten, and he started to pull at the ends of his sleeves.
He heard more than they thought he did. He heard their frenzied whispers from across the church. 'I won't do it.' 'You want to go home.' The rest of their words were too hushed, too indistinct for him to make it, but the words he did hear, they'd said them away from him on purpose.
You want to go home. I won't do it. What did people do on this island to go home, again?
When those barricades were set up, were they to keep people out, or to keep him in?
He put his hands up to his mouth, partially suppressed the sobs coming out his throat.
He couldn't stay here. They were going to kill him.
God tricked him.
He threw off the blanket wrapped around his shoulders, and he made his way through the aisle on all fours, wanting to make sure he wouldn't bump into anything and fall over. His weary hands and knees scuffled all the way, making squeaks that echoed throughout the sonorous space of the church. After what felt like ages, his hands came into contact with a pew.
He made his way to the side, and he began pushing shoulder-first, putting all his weight and life into it.
The way Joshua touched his hand, the warmth of the fire he had lit, set up the cozy atmosphere, made him feel safe. And, Joshua had painted for him a vivid description of the church they sat in, and for the first time since Shawn and Beth had separated from him, he had an idea of the world beyond that he could touch and hear. Joshua had shone some light on him, in short. No one had offered him that courtesy since Beth, and Beth had abandoned him, so her courtesy meant nothing.
So, when he told him that they needed to secure the church, Przemek didn't think anything of the knocking and tussling of wooden furniture on stone floor. Not even when the pew made that cringe-inducing screeching sound. He didn't think anything of it.
It was when Joshua whispered something to Julia, and their footsteps echoed softer and softer, away from him, that his throat started to tighten, and he started to pull at the ends of his sleeves.
He heard more than they thought he did. He heard their frenzied whispers from across the church. 'I won't do it.' 'You want to go home.' The rest of their words were too hushed, too indistinct for him to make it, but the words he did hear, they'd said them away from him on purpose.
You want to go home. I won't do it. What did people do on this island to go home, again?
When those barricades were set up, were they to keep people out, or to keep him in?
He put his hands up to his mouth, partially suppressed the sobs coming out his throat.
He couldn't stay here. They were going to kill him.
God tricked him.
He threw off the blanket wrapped around his shoulders, and he made his way through the aisle on all fours, wanting to make sure he wouldn't bump into anything and fall over. His weary hands and knees scuffled all the way, making squeaks that echoed throughout the sonorous space of the church. After what felt like ages, his hands came into contact with a pew.
He made his way to the side, and he began pushing shoulder-first, putting all his weight and life into it.
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Ruggahissy
- Posts: 2540
- Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:13 pm
There were little noises suddenly that rose above the gentle crackling of the small fire surrounded by stones. Grunts of exertion, thuds, and then slow grinding of wood on stone. He turned around to see Przemek attempting futile escape. The attempt was admirable but doomed. Josh whipped around.
He knows.
"I'm sorry," he said without elaboration and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.
He took hold of the gun with both hands and ran from the sacristy.
Josh’s footsteps pounded against the ancient red carpet leading down the center of the hallowed building like the beating of a heart. He came to a sudden stop before Pzemek, who was hunched over the pew, still trying to unblock the way out.
Fire crackled behind Josh. Irregular tortured shadows licked against cool, purple tones of the stone in the night. The flames illuminated Josh from behind, darkening his form but adding brutal glow to his shape.
There were no appropriate words, and it wasn't a crime of passion like his others had been. It was not a fight or frenzy. It was a work of decision.
"It's for us, for you and her. I wish this hadn’t happened to you,” he said, the words from his heart, nearly sticking in his throat.
Before he lost his nerve, his finger pulled back on the trigger, erupting the church with echoing blasts.
Josh dropped to his knees, holding the weapon so tightly his fingers turned numb. He had aimed to maim, not to kill. He had gifted her a mercy killing, though it had already been that, he told himself.
"Do it! The longer you wait, the longer he suffers. I didn't want to do it this way, but you — you forced my hand."
They would do it his way.
He knows.
"I'm sorry," he said without elaboration and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.
He took hold of the gun with both hands and ran from the sacristy.
Josh’s footsteps pounded against the ancient red carpet leading down the center of the hallowed building like the beating of a heart. He came to a sudden stop before Pzemek, who was hunched over the pew, still trying to unblock the way out.
Fire crackled behind Josh. Irregular tortured shadows licked against cool, purple tones of the stone in the night. The flames illuminated Josh from behind, darkening his form but adding brutal glow to his shape.
There were no appropriate words, and it wasn't a crime of passion like his others had been. It was not a fight or frenzy. It was a work of decision.
"It's for us, for you and her. I wish this hadn’t happened to you,” he said, the words from his heart, nearly sticking in his throat.
Before he lost his nerve, his finger pulled back on the trigger, erupting the church with echoing blasts.
Josh dropped to his knees, holding the weapon so tightly his fingers turned numb. He had aimed to maim, not to kill. He had gifted her a mercy killing, though it had already been that, he told himself.
"Do it! The longer you wait, the longer he suffers. I didn't want to do it this way, but you — you forced my hand."
They would do it his way.
The seriousness in Joshua’s face had peeled back the layers of his humanity once again, a solemn yet somehow blank expression on his face she could only liken to the animalistic appetite he forcefully showed her the night before. Despite the sinister undertones of everything else happening in the moment, the caring simplicity of Joshua using his hand to stroke her cheek and brush her hair back out of her face felt nice.
I’m sorry.
Despite his deeply sociopathic intent, he remained empathic to the situation. His apology was genuine and that shocked her more than anything else. Even when talking about his heinous killing spree on the days before they met, Julia hadn’t detected even a remote sniff of regret for his actions or grief for his victims. This whole decision, taken on her behalf, was just another reminder of the inferiority of her morality against Joshua’s authority. Her faith buried under the weight of his dominance. Her wishes worthless to his whims.
As soon as their silence was broken by the sounds of Przemek’s struggles in the main hall his fate was sealed. Joshua fumbled the destiny of all three of them through his shaking hands. His gun returned to a readied position as he marched through the doorway and towards the fleeing boy. Julia followed him through the door towards the front altar, resigned to the inevitability of what was coming next. The embers of the fire cracked and spat aggressively, an abrasive pathetic fallacy.
Shadows danced around the room, illuminated by the hissing flames. Joshua’s shadow stood tall as it rushed across the room, affirming that he was very much in control of this waltz. Julia could do nothing but watch on as he approached the sheltered shadow of Przemek who was doing his best to move the pews. His desperate attempt at escape would be his last as the church he thought was his sanctuary had instead ended up becoming his coffin.
Each cinder characterized by a vicious popping noise, a sound that shortly echoed around the four high walls of the church as Joshua pressed down on the trigger. His rampaging bullets blazing a permanent trail across Przemek’s stomach. She ran forward, past the fire, in time to witness Joshua falling to his knees, her shadow as shocked as she was. His grief and regret palpable as the statue of Jesus Christ leered down at the killer striking once more, slaying a boy that he literally knew from the school’s worship and prayer club. The closer she got she could feel the agony in the air, a surprise in the form of Przemek still being alive as he also collapsed to the floor, grunting and writhing in hopeless despair.
The mortally wounded boy whimpered as he jerked with every ounce of his remaining strength to get away from Joshua, who was left kneeling on the ground in front of him, not saying a word or even making eye contact with his latest victim. She fell to the ground bridging the gap between the two, tears igniting from her sockets as she immediately rushed to assess his injuries. In reality, there was nothing anybody could do at this point to save Przemek’s life but she had to give it a go. She wouldn’t go down without a fight, even if the best outcome was to make Przemek’s end of life care calming.
“Przem—”
Julia was interrupted by Joshua within a second of starting, his growing restlessness at her inaction evident.
"Do it! The longer you wait, the longer he suffers. I didn't want to do it this way, but you — you forced my hand."
“SHUT UP JOSH.”
She didn’t think she would ever be able to speak to him like that, a frightening sharpness that she doubted was even possible. But what he was saying was that he blamed her for having to take this action on himself. It was her fault for not offing Przemek sooner, ultimately forcing him to get his hands dirty, a reticent reminder of their abusive relationship. He had done his best to rationalize that this was for her, a favour between friends. In a sick and twisted way he thought this was what she needed, he could’ve finished it quickly but instead he left Przemek flailing in a mix of fear and agonizing pain so that she could get the kill she supposedly needed to make it home.
In those moments she resented him with every fibre, despised him for putting her in this position. Like many men had done before, he had swept in with his boyish escapade
She placed her cold hands on his stomach, compressing the source of his new wounds, his crimson blood flowing from the holes and staining her fingers and coat. He winced with pain as she pushed down as hard as she could, desperately trying to stop the gushing blood. His feverish temperature flatlined as a permanent coldness set in, what was left of his body fighting urgently to regulate itself.
“It’s g-going to be o-okay,” she panted as she cradled him tightly. She didn’t believe her own words there was no way it was going to be okay, but she hoped they at least offered some sort of asylum for him. A comfort amongst the biting shadows.
“Please stay with us.”
Meanwhile, the dark influence radiating from behind her continued persistently as he commanded her to finish Przemek off. His controlling demands fanning the flames as he reasoned with her that this was just a necessary evil. The clicking of his tongue like a devil perched on her shoulder, willing her on to commit the crimes she had resisted in the past. Coaxing her away from her futile attempts at impeding his will.
Przemek’s condition was without a shadow of a doubt terminal, changing any potential outcome from murder to euthanasia. She remembered going fishing with her father and cousins when she was younger and being traumatised by them beating the caught fish with rocks to finish them off and stop them wriggling around. The violence felt avoidable, but they teased her for calling them cruel, an inescapable paradigm that stripped down perfectly reflected the human desire to survive. When did ending another life become justified?
What was more inhumane? Showing mercy by finishing the job as Joshua longed for, or not showing mercy at all and keeping him there in pain?
I’m sorry.
Despite his deeply sociopathic intent, he remained empathic to the situation. His apology was genuine and that shocked her more than anything else. Even when talking about his heinous killing spree on the days before they met, Julia hadn’t detected even a remote sniff of regret for his actions or grief for his victims. This whole decision, taken on her behalf, was just another reminder of the inferiority of her morality against Joshua’s authority. Her faith buried under the weight of his dominance. Her wishes worthless to his whims.
As soon as their silence was broken by the sounds of Przemek’s struggles in the main hall his fate was sealed. Joshua fumbled the destiny of all three of them through his shaking hands. His gun returned to a readied position as he marched through the doorway and towards the fleeing boy. Julia followed him through the door towards the front altar, resigned to the inevitability of what was coming next. The embers of the fire cracked and spat aggressively, an abrasive pathetic fallacy.
Shadows danced around the room, illuminated by the hissing flames. Joshua’s shadow stood tall as it rushed across the room, affirming that he was very much in control of this waltz. Julia could do nothing but watch on as he approached the sheltered shadow of Przemek who was doing his best to move the pews. His desperate attempt at escape would be his last as the church he thought was his sanctuary had instead ended up becoming his coffin.
Each cinder characterized by a vicious popping noise, a sound that shortly echoed around the four high walls of the church as Joshua pressed down on the trigger. His rampaging bullets blazing a permanent trail across Przemek’s stomach. She ran forward, past the fire, in time to witness Joshua falling to his knees, her shadow as shocked as she was. His grief and regret palpable as the statue of Jesus Christ leered down at the killer striking once more, slaying a boy that he literally knew from the school’s worship and prayer club. The closer she got she could feel the agony in the air, a surprise in the form of Przemek still being alive as he also collapsed to the floor, grunting and writhing in hopeless despair.
The mortally wounded boy whimpered as he jerked with every ounce of his remaining strength to get away from Joshua, who was left kneeling on the ground in front of him, not saying a word or even making eye contact with his latest victim. She fell to the ground bridging the gap between the two, tears igniting from her sockets as she immediately rushed to assess his injuries. In reality, there was nothing anybody could do at this point to save Przemek’s life but she had to give it a go. She wouldn’t go down without a fight, even if the best outcome was to make Przemek’s end of life care calming.
“Przem—”
Julia was interrupted by Joshua within a second of starting, his growing restlessness at her inaction evident.
"Do it! The longer you wait, the longer he suffers. I didn't want to do it this way, but you — you forced my hand."
“SHUT UP JOSH.”
She didn’t think she would ever be able to speak to him like that, a frightening sharpness that she doubted was even possible. But what he was saying was that he blamed her for having to take this action on himself. It was her fault for not offing Przemek sooner, ultimately forcing him to get his hands dirty, a reticent reminder of their abusive relationship. He had done his best to rationalize that this was for her, a favour between friends. In a sick and twisted way he thought this was what she needed, he could’ve finished it quickly but instead he left Przemek flailing in a mix of fear and agonizing pain so that she could get the kill she supposedly needed to make it home.
In those moments she resented him with every fibre, despised him for putting her in this position. Like many men had done before, he had swept in with his boyish escapade
She placed her cold hands on his stomach, compressing the source of his new wounds, his crimson blood flowing from the holes and staining her fingers and coat. He winced with pain as she pushed down as hard as she could, desperately trying to stop the gushing blood. His feverish temperature flatlined as a permanent coldness set in, what was left of his body fighting urgently to regulate itself.
“It’s g-going to be o-okay,” she panted as she cradled him tightly. She didn’t believe her own words there was no way it was going to be okay, but she hoped they at least offered some sort of asylum for him. A comfort amongst the biting shadows.
“Please stay with us.”
Meanwhile, the dark influence radiating from behind her continued persistently as he commanded her to finish Przemek off. His controlling demands fanning the flames as he reasoned with her that this was just a necessary evil. The clicking of his tongue like a devil perched on her shoulder, willing her on to commit the crimes she had resisted in the past. Coaxing her away from her futile attempts at impeding his will.
Przemek’s condition was without a shadow of a doubt terminal, changing any potential outcome from murder to euthanasia. She remembered going fishing with her father and cousins when she was younger and being traumatised by them beating the caught fish with rocks to finish them off and stop them wriggling around. The violence felt avoidable, but they teased her for calling them cruel, an inescapable paradigm that stripped down perfectly reflected the human desire to survive. When did ending another life become justified?
What was more inhumane? Showing mercy by finishing the job as Joshua longed for, or not showing mercy at all and keeping him there in pain?
Przemek sniveled as Julia pressed down on him, her attempts at help only intensifying the agony enveloping him. He wanted it to stop, he wanted to make her stop. She was making it worse. She needed to stop. But instead, his hands sluggishly flailed towards the pew, fingers grazing it occasionally, as if he would be gifted one last burst of energy to push the pew out the way, to reach salvation, as if his fate were not written already.
He wasn't making it out of here. That had probably become a certainty the moment Aracelis blinded him, but there had been room for miracles even then. Maybe the government would finally stop this game and save them, maybe there would finally be another escape. But no, in this holy space, the last of his hopes were finally extinguished, the embers of the fires crackling, cackling at him. Even if the boats came this very moment, he was drained of all life. His heart beat its hummingbird heartbeat, desperately, futilely trying to pump what little of the viscous, overheated, virus-laden blood remained in his veins. It was not enough that his sight be taken from him, not even the lower half of his body worked now. There was nothing left to save.
His head slowly turned towards where he imagined Julia and Joshua's faces to be, based off where their voices were coming from.
He hated Joshua for causing him so much pain. He hated him for taking the last of what he had, for disposing of him, for turning his sanctuary into a bear trap, for being the latest in a long, long line of betrayals.
And, though Julia was trying her best to patch up the gaping holes in his stomach, though she cooed comforting words at him and tried to make his fate more comfortable somehow, like placing a blanket on a bed of nails and calling it a good resting place, he hated her too. She knew what her companion was capable of, there was no longer any doubt in his mind that the Joshua in this church was the one that had murdered so many other people. She knew, and yet she led him here anyways. He hated her.
It scared him that his last thoughts were devoted to such anger, to such bitterness. Jesus forgave his enemies, said they knew not what they've done. But Przemek's enemies knew. They knew, and they still did this to him. Przemek's heart beat slower and slower. He couldn't even summon up the mental effort needed to forgive them. It wasn't Christian to hold onto grudges, but it also wasn't Christian to lie, to be dishonest, and in his heart, he knew that he hated them.
So, before they finished him off, he had one last thing to do.
Face turned towards them, with the last of his energy, he pulled down the gauze and eye pads that had been wrapped around his head. And, in the dancing, erratic light of the campfire, he revealed to them the following: forehead and cheek dotted with puncture wounds, most scabbed, some leaking a green-white pus, all surrounded by scarlet skin.
And, two eyes, whites inflamed to a deep-red color, pupils permanently dilated, teardrop-shaped, the apex stretching into his brown pupils, situated where the nails had penetrated.
He wanted them to look directly at their sin.
He wasn't making it out of here. That had probably become a certainty the moment Aracelis blinded him, but there had been room for miracles even then. Maybe the government would finally stop this game and save them, maybe there would finally be another escape. But no, in this holy space, the last of his hopes were finally extinguished, the embers of the fires crackling, cackling at him. Even if the boats came this very moment, he was drained of all life. His heart beat its hummingbird heartbeat, desperately, futilely trying to pump what little of the viscous, overheated, virus-laden blood remained in his veins. It was not enough that his sight be taken from him, not even the lower half of his body worked now. There was nothing left to save.
His head slowly turned towards where he imagined Julia and Joshua's faces to be, based off where their voices were coming from.
He hated Joshua for causing him so much pain. He hated him for taking the last of what he had, for disposing of him, for turning his sanctuary into a bear trap, for being the latest in a long, long line of betrayals.
And, though Julia was trying her best to patch up the gaping holes in his stomach, though she cooed comforting words at him and tried to make his fate more comfortable somehow, like placing a blanket on a bed of nails and calling it a good resting place, he hated her too. She knew what her companion was capable of, there was no longer any doubt in his mind that the Joshua in this church was the one that had murdered so many other people. She knew, and yet she led him here anyways. He hated her.
It scared him that his last thoughts were devoted to such anger, to such bitterness. Jesus forgave his enemies, said they knew not what they've done. But Przemek's enemies knew. They knew, and they still did this to him. Przemek's heart beat slower and slower. He couldn't even summon up the mental effort needed to forgive them. It wasn't Christian to hold onto grudges, but it also wasn't Christian to lie, to be dishonest, and in his heart, he knew that he hated them.
So, before they finished him off, he had one last thing to do.
Face turned towards them, with the last of his energy, he pulled down the gauze and eye pads that had been wrapped around his head. And, in the dancing, erratic light of the campfire, he revealed to them the following: forehead and cheek dotted with puncture wounds, most scabbed, some leaking a green-white pus, all surrounded by scarlet skin.
And, two eyes, whites inflamed to a deep-red color, pupils permanently dilated, teardrop-shaped, the apex stretching into his brown pupils, situated where the nails had penetrated.
He wanted them to look directly at their sin.
Przemek's final despairing grapples at the pews behind him were excruciating to witness, flailing like a rodent caught in the sharp grip of a predator. His agonising writhing on the ground was making it harder for Julia to keep his gunshot wounds compressed, his darkened blood pouring from the holes in his chest with each convulsion until he stopped twitching. Instead he replaced his struggling with a removal of the bandages that cloaked his destitute eyes, a symbolic shedding of his protective shield as what was left of his face glared up at her making. Despite his blindness he cast his scowl directly back at her eyes, the reddish vessels that remained on his disfigured face bursting with resentment.
The wounds on his face looked even worse without the bandages to conceal them. He looked like a monster.
Stains of blood, infected pus-leaking scabs and missing skin surrounding fissures from the blunt trauma before. The redness of his eyes burned a hellish scar in to her mind that she was positive would last a lifetime. She eased her hands from his stomach as Joshua screamed his demands at her from behind. She had blocked out as much noise as she could, surrendering to the futility of her actions.
His final act of defiance was like a curse cast upon the two of them watching on hopelessly. The sins of Julia bringing him back here knowing it wasn't guaranteed to be safe for him coupled with Joshua's plotting and domineering of the situation washed through the church through his spreading pool of blood. After all, there was no smoke without fire.
The crackling of the embers wheezed bitterly along with Przemek's weeping as his groans became more piercing, more harrowing with every second that passed. She noticed the cross wrapped around his neck, a small emblem now forsaken to be submerged by the rushing flow of blood from his torso down to his neck.
She didn’t react. No, she couldn’t react.
The fortitude of the holy building was collapsing under the distress. She glanced at the camera in the corner of the church, paranoid about her family watching her struggle at the end of her wit. She looked at the altar again, sickened by the thought of impending judgement bestowed upon her.
Her mind wandered to the conversations with her sister that day at the lake house. Julia could only have been nine or ten, she found herself visibly shaken by the fish being ripped from the hooks still alive. The caught fish wriggled in a desperate attempt to find its way back to the water. Instead her cousins, twelve and fifteen, took a rock and smacked each one that was still alive. A vicious thud – she could still hear that noise ten years later. She cried as her cousins called her a big baby, whilst her sister, smart beyond her years, calmed her down by telling her about the good that comes from taking mercy on the smaller creature. That without it, the fish would die slowly. In pain. Gasping for breath whilst their gills malfunctioned out of the water.
Przemek was the fish.
It was cruel yet humbling. A valuable lesson that sometimes things that on the outside look bad can also be made better. Maybe that was what brought her to the fork in the road, the idea of hidden kindness lost in the brutality of the act. Her eyes pinpointed an old brick that Przemek must’ve kicked out from under the pews, a coating of corroded coarseness down one side and light enough to be picked up in her bloodied hands.
“You’re running out of time.”
Joshua snapped her out of her daydream with his incendiary words, all the while Przemek’s death moans started to quieten whilst his movements felt more rigid.
His words were blunt but honest. She didn’t want this to be for nothing. She wanted to go home, and Joshua had always done what he could to look out for her so maybe she needed to trust him more. He had sold this whole thing by telling her she needed this to be able to go home. An easy kill to get her name on the list of people allowed to leave if they won. Joshua was a wild card, but she knew that he cared for her really, even if sometimes he didn’t show it. His actions had always spoke louder than his words. Josh's voice held a distinct surface-level brutality and yet was reinforced by a deeper softness that touched her soul, gave her the encouragement and wisdom that she needed to be able to bring herself to go through with this.
She screamed up towards the roof of the church. Screamed upwards to a God she didn’t know if she even believed in. No God would’ve put them in this position, no God would sit by and watch Przemek suffer so tragically like he has over the past week. To a God that wasn’t listening to any of their torment.
“JULIA!”
Heaven, or whatever was up there, have mercy on her soul.
“DO IT!”
She raised her hand up, the brick light in her grasp. Her whole limb shook with the gut-wrenching nervousness she was experiencing.
Just one hit. That’s all it would take. She reiterated that to herself, desperate to justify her transgressions.
Eyes down, she lined it up with his face and unsheathed her arm to strike.
Przemek may not have been watching but God surely was.
THUD.
The wounds on his face looked even worse without the bandages to conceal them. He looked like a monster.
Stains of blood, infected pus-leaking scabs and missing skin surrounding fissures from the blunt trauma before. The redness of his eyes burned a hellish scar in to her mind that she was positive would last a lifetime. She eased her hands from his stomach as Joshua screamed his demands at her from behind. She had blocked out as much noise as she could, surrendering to the futility of her actions.
His final act of defiance was like a curse cast upon the two of them watching on hopelessly. The sins of Julia bringing him back here knowing it wasn't guaranteed to be safe for him coupled with Joshua's plotting and domineering of the situation washed through the church through his spreading pool of blood. After all, there was no smoke without fire.
The crackling of the embers wheezed bitterly along with Przemek's weeping as his groans became more piercing, more harrowing with every second that passed. She noticed the cross wrapped around his neck, a small emblem now forsaken to be submerged by the rushing flow of blood from his torso down to his neck.
She didn’t react. No, she couldn’t react.
The fortitude of the holy building was collapsing under the distress. She glanced at the camera in the corner of the church, paranoid about her family watching her struggle at the end of her wit. She looked at the altar again, sickened by the thought of impending judgement bestowed upon her.
Her mind wandered to the conversations with her sister that day at the lake house. Julia could only have been nine or ten, she found herself visibly shaken by the fish being ripped from the hooks still alive. The caught fish wriggled in a desperate attempt to find its way back to the water. Instead her cousins, twelve and fifteen, took a rock and smacked each one that was still alive. A vicious thud – she could still hear that noise ten years later. She cried as her cousins called her a big baby, whilst her sister, smart beyond her years, calmed her down by telling her about the good that comes from taking mercy on the smaller creature. That without it, the fish would die slowly. In pain. Gasping for breath whilst their gills malfunctioned out of the water.
Przemek was the fish.
It was cruel yet humbling. A valuable lesson that sometimes things that on the outside look bad can also be made better. Maybe that was what brought her to the fork in the road, the idea of hidden kindness lost in the brutality of the act. Her eyes pinpointed an old brick that Przemek must’ve kicked out from under the pews, a coating of corroded coarseness down one side and light enough to be picked up in her bloodied hands.
“You’re running out of time.”
Joshua snapped her out of her daydream with his incendiary words, all the while Przemek’s death moans started to quieten whilst his movements felt more rigid.
His words were blunt but honest. She didn’t want this to be for nothing. She wanted to go home, and Joshua had always done what he could to look out for her so maybe she needed to trust him more. He had sold this whole thing by telling her she needed this to be able to go home. An easy kill to get her name on the list of people allowed to leave if they won. Joshua was a wild card, but she knew that he cared for her really, even if sometimes he didn’t show it. His actions had always spoke louder than his words. Josh's voice held a distinct surface-level brutality and yet was reinforced by a deeper softness that touched her soul, gave her the encouragement and wisdom that she needed to be able to bring herself to go through with this.
She screamed up towards the roof of the church. Screamed upwards to a God she didn’t know if she even believed in. No God would’ve put them in this position, no God would sit by and watch Przemek suffer so tragically like he has over the past week. To a God that wasn’t listening to any of their torment.
“JULIA!”
Heaven, or whatever was up there, have mercy on her soul.
“DO IT!”
She raised her hand up, the brick light in her grasp. Her whole limb shook with the gut-wrenching nervousness she was experiencing.
Just one hit. That’s all it would take. She reiterated that to herself, desperate to justify her transgressions.
Eyes down, she lined it up with his face and unsheathed her arm to strike.
Przemek may not have been watching but God surely was.
THUD.