Tenshi's Unsolicited Fashion Advice

[BlizzardeyeWonder]

In terms of clothing, Alex doesn’t have any particular style; he gravitates to more muted colours, not wanting anything too colourful or eye catching that would make him stand out. As a result, most of the shirts he wears either have generic logos or none at all, although he does have a couple with logos for his favourite true crime podcasts or games that he likes. In colder weather he wears mostly hoodies or jackets, including a branded It’s Canon hoodie, although due to political events he doesn’t wear that one as much nowadays. The rest of his wardrobe mostly consists of sneakers, cargo pants and joggers. On the day of the abduction, Alex was wearing a black beanie, his tortoiseshell glasses, his It’s Canon hoodie, a black t-shirt with ‘Does This Unit Have A Soul?’ printed on the front in white underneath it, a pair of baggy jeans, white sneakers with a blue Nike stripe on the side and black socks.

You know, the fact that t-shirts proclaiming your love of some game or podcast or political ideology are so banal that they're the choice of someone literally trying to not stand out says something about society. Also that noise in the background is my production team, Meena, Liya, and Daniel, yelling about something something irony of wearing an It's Canon shit and... I dunno what a "geth rebellion" is, those three are nerds. Or druggies. Or both!

While those three are on their soapboxes, I'm gonna do what I should really be paid to do~! Actually, I think I can charge consultancy fees for this? So, like, a graphic hoodie and a graphic t-shirt? Both? Really? Like I get you're only gonna see one or the other but that's too much graphic, try getting, you know, a style instead. Or even just plain coloured pieces! I mean, you have to know that'd draw way less attention than an It's Canon hoodie, right? Like, what is the point of trying to not stand out but still trying to get in a little bit of self expression in the most boring way possible? Trying to have your cake and eat it too, much?

Anyway, it's a shame that most of the look is so boring by design, because you can really do something with the tortoiseshell glasses. Or, well, I know a bunch of cute girls who could do something with the tortoiseshell glasses, I'm not sure if you could pull it off. No offense! Everyone knows girls are cuter than boys usually, even straight girls like me know it! Honestly your entire style philosophy just needs an overhaul, come back when you do that. Neeeeeeext!

[BlizzardeyeWonder]

For Richard, image is everything and his image is something that he takes quite the pleasure in constructing. A former boy scout and current member of the basketball team and student government, Richard likes to dress for school as if he is going to work by wearing a suit and tie each day. This was a habit he developed in middle school in admiration of professional NBA players wearing suits to games and he has carried it with him throughout high school. At eighteen years old Richard has amassed a nice (for a teenager) collection from Men’s Warehouse and used clothing stores. While Richard loves suits he also has an appreciation for sneaker culture as well and can often be seen wearing a pair of Carolina Blue Jordan III’s when he’s not wearing standard dress shoes.

Outside of the classroom and in the “professional” situations of school—Richard is a normal teenage boy and his wardrobe can be seen to be a collection of sports t-shirts and jerseys or solid colored cotton shirts and basketball shorts. On the day of the abduction however, he was seen wearing a traditional white dress shirt and charcoal grey dress pant combo paired with a black tie and a traditional black wool winter coat. His sneaker selection equally traditional: a pair of classic red and black Jordan Is.

Oh hey, I think I voted for you in the election!

...why did I do that again?

And god, the state of men's formal fashion is abysmal. Suits, suits, more suits, with silhouettes that BARELY differ if at all, a stunningly tiny number of choices for colour unless you go into tacky novelty suits, I can go on. How do you live like this? Who wants to live like this? Eugh, if I wanted to treat school as a deadly serious formal affair, I'd go back to private school! Like, I'll take grey dress pants over grey sweatpants, and hell, the limited palette means it's kinda hard to fuck up colour coordination, but that's about where my praise ends. I mean, what is there to even say about suits at this point? They're the straitjackets of style.

And I've only barely scratched the surface of "sneaker culture", just enough to know that it is not for me. Like, I guess there's sneakers out there that don't have abysmal colour combinations, real fashionable sneakers and shit. And I guess it's hard to go wrong with red and black. I mean, the more cool toned outfit does make the redness stand out, but like, you probably don't mind that, but you know what? I do. There's gotta be blue and black versions of those shoes, right?

Man, looking at this guy's making me glad I'm not going into office work~!

She is someone who prefers athleisure when it comes to dress and she is most often seen wearing a variety of graphic tees and tracksuits paired with corresponding Converse. Zora dresses with comfort in mind primarily with the messaging of t-shirts meaning more than the trendiness in design. A variety of her shirts and sweaters are hand-me-down from her older siblings. On the day of the abduction Zora was wearing a white t-shirt with the album art of Notorious B.I.G’s Ready to Die on the front along with a red Adidas track suit and a pair of black Converse All-Star sneakers.

Oh great, we got a double-team of fandom graphic tees and sportsy shit. I mean, sportsy shit is kinda like fandom graphic tees, right? You're declaring your hobby of running or tennis or whatever the fuck to the world, AND it's gotten so popular that you're not actually making a bold statement about yourself. But with all thaaaaat out of the way... I honestly can't find much to complain about? Not because you're doing anything particularly right, you're just doing so little that it's almost impossible to do anything wrong. Tracksuit saves you the effort of having to coordinate your tops and bottoms, white t-shirt probably won't be seen under the track suit, and the sneakers... well, you know what they say about black in fashion. It goes with anything! And I hate it when people say that because it's ANNOYINGLY true, even though you won't catch me dead wearing lots of it.

Like, by GOD, I agonize every morning over making cute outfits that go with my hair and hairclips and this girl is putting in zero effort and doing whatever the fuck she wants and still looking better than half the school! God DAMMIT it's not fair! The rest of the school needs to step up their game right now so my main fashion competitor isn't you!

[BlizzardeyeWonder]

Ash is most well-known to constantly wear one of three Endecott Memorial volleyball team jackets she owns, with a blue body, white sleeves, a gold trim, and a cartoon Johnny spiking over a net on the back. Besides this she usually wears casual clothes like jeans and cute fast fashion tops. She does not care for skirt pieces and rarely wears them, personally owning none. Her jeans tend to be plain in color, rotating pairs of dull blues and blacks. She wears slip-ons like Vans for comfort and convenience, reserving sneakers strictly for team practice and sporting events. She is ok with showing skin and wearing revealing clothes, but due to her dislike of her shoulder width she is more inclined towards certain types of tops like those with straps to foreshorten her broad collarbone. Ash uses makeup regularly, though more out of habit, as she defaults to natural styling that does not make much of a perceptible difference and is hesitant to be more experimental. She has some cheap jewelry for effect and flair, usually for her hands in the form of rings and bracelets.

On the day of the abduction Ash was wearing black skinny jeans and a white knit crop top under her volleyball jacket. She had a dark blue and white checker pair of Vans. She wore stud earrings and her black onyx belly button stud, along with a thick band gold ring on her right hand.

I didn't like sportswear as fashion to begin with, but why would you advertise being associated with John Endecott Memorial's sports? That's more self-degrading than anything I can talk shit about.

But that doesn't mean I won't talk shit! God, can you get any more obviously cheap without leaving the price tag on? There's got to be a way to make jeans interesting, but nobody at this school seems brave enough to try it - all I know is strap-tops are NOT it. Especially not that crop top! And then like, the colour scheme of the jacket would make me think that it would be a good, if uncreative, fit with jeans, but then again... JEM sports. No seriously, why would you do that to yourself? I thought it was your sister who had all the mental health problems.

I waffle on which one of obnoxious or boring is worse in fashion a lot, so it's a good thing your jewellery is both so I don't have to choose! Like really, a solid band of gold? I bet that's not even REAL gold given the rest of this look. Where's the interest?! I have the same problem with stud piercings that I do with solid band rings honestly, they can really complete a look that's already got a lot going on but you don't! Also, did you wear that fucking crop top just to show off your belly piercing? Oh my GOD. I'd mistake it for a mole from a distance.

Cedar dresses with only some care and does not invest a lot of time into matching. Her aesthetic borrows from streetwear while generally being feminine; common tropes include athletic fabric and a love of tatters. She is generally inclined to show skin on hot days to prevent sweat and deter exacerbating her skin conditions. She expresses her geeky hobbies with some eye for taste. On the day of the abduction she wore grey trainers with white soles, red-hued marble pattern activewear skorts, a sideless crop top in white with a stylized black silhouette of Aku from Samurai Jack, over a black sports bra, and over both a button-up half sleeve blue denim jacket. She had a plain metal choker, and stud earrings. She wore no makeup.

Cedar, honey, baby, girlfriend, bestie. I know you can do better than that!

You're the one person in the school who can make sports fabric look good, and I hate to see that kind of once-in-a-generation beau- TALENT wasted! Like, marble pattern is kind of an inspired choice for sportswear, I think more people should do that, but you know what less people should do? Wear dark things like bras under white tops, especially since you got a black design thingy on your crop top! That's the dragon guy from that cartoon, right? And, you know, I don't want you to deal with guys looking at you funny, so if any of them do tell me and I'll kill them XOXOXO~

And you know I love you but - LIKE A FRIEND OBVIOUSLY - but I do not love that jacket. Like wow, I did not know it was possible for me to hate a jacket that much! It doesn't deserve that marble sport-skirt thingy. Maaaaaaybe I'm a little biased against denim, but it's not my fault it keeps getting used where it really shouldn't be. I mean, I guess I've seen some good denim vest-thingies in my time, but those are the exception, not the norm. And those grey shoes, and the fact we could get maybe some more jewellery that really complements that skirt more than the choker and - eugh - studs do...

...I know! We should go on a shopping trip this weekend! Make it a brunch date~!

He is unafraid of bold, fashionable colors. He is notably feminine in his fashion, being willing to wear skirts and dresses in daily settings, and he is skilled with the application of makeup, though he rarely elects to use it. On the day of the abduction Salem was wearing a navy blue long-sleeve crop top, with a plain white tee beneath. He was wearing black thermal leggings under a ruby-red, ankle-length high-waisted skirt - the skirt having pockets - with a faux-silver chain decorating the right pocket. On top of this outfit he additionally wore a thick pea jacket in a tan color, along with a thermal turtleneck undershirt in black. He was wearing black Converse with white sole trim and white laces.

You know, I wasn't sure about men wearing skirts and other girls' stuff as just like, regular fashion at first, but I've been sold on it. Maybe it'll force men's fashion as a whole to get a fucking grip.

Oh hey, we're three for three on crop tops! Although like, I'm not entirely sure about putting a crop top over a t-shirt. Or the concept of a long-sleeved crop top, like, that just seems counter-productive to the point of crop tops. So you wanna show belly but not arms? What kinda standards are those?! I mean, I guess you're not showing belly in this outfit, but it's the principle of the thing. I will say, ruby red and navy blue is a better combo of bold colours than most of the other atrocious stuff I've seen on here, especially when separated by some sensible white and black. Shame the palette's good name got stained by thousands of overly-patriotic weirdoes slapping it on everything in unflattering and gaudy stars and stripes.

Also, woah, layers! Is... is it gonna be that cold up there?! Should I layer more??? ...anyway, the coats and turtleneck - hey, fellow turtleneck truther! - are in those colours that go well almost anywhere. I mean, tan's more situational than black, and to be quite honest it goes better with my hair colour than yours, but it works for the skirt - a good earth tone and ruby red are a go-to for me for a reason!

...man, the one fashionable dude in this school literally had to shop in the women's section to do it. Men's fashion needs to get its shit together! Don't the rest of you boys want to look this good? Don't you?!

[BlizzardeyeWonder]

Corbin's sense of fashion is minimalistic, with a noticeable preference for function over form. This preference usually takes the form of a nondescript mono-color shirt paired with a pair of comfortably fitting pants. On the trip, he wore a thin olive-green parka jacket, a dark gray v-neck t-shirt, black cargo pants, and a pair of brown Kodiak Thane boots.

I swear to god if you're the most well-dressed of this bunch by default, I am going to scream. Like, there's no offensively bad material or colour combos even if they do involve olive green, and the boots are at least nice looking for something that's clearly more functional than fashionable. But if YOU'RE not trying, why should I try?! This is literally no different from what you usually wear and what you usually wear is so nondescript! But I guess that and the colour palette makes you a great fit for the military...

good god this school is so boringgggggg get me out of heeeeeeeeere...

Like, what am I even supposed to say? Accessorize? They probably don't allow accessories in JROT or whatever, right? Is that it? Or did the Church decide "ohoho! Wearing pretty things are sinful! They represent vanity and the sin of Pride!" How do you like my priest impression? Huh? HUH?!

...I have no idea why this guy's boring fashion makes me more mad in the angry and crazy sense than other people's boring fashion, maybe it's just because there's nothing to nitpick. But put on a damn scarf on or something. Ideally with like... an actual pattern or - scandalous though it may be - colours you didn't find by snorting dirt. NEXT!

Jacob is into goth style clothing, though he favors simpler outfits instead of the extravagant looks of certain subcultures. His clothes are usually predominantly black or other dark colors, and generally fairly form-concealing, usually covering the arms and legs completely. He wears some jewelry, with a particular fondness for choker necklaces, though his only piercing is a single one in his right ear lobe. He generally wears black nail polish, though he doesn't use any other form of makeup. On the trip, he was wearing a black bomber jacket over a white button-up shirt, black jeans, and black work boots. He had a pair of black-rimmed sunglasses, a silver stud in his right ear, and a black faux-leather choker with a small crescent moon-shaped charm attached.

If you call yourself a goth but decide to be modest and simple about it you just look like a depressed nerd who doesn't go out very much. That's what I always thought and wow, you are not proving me wrong! Like, take away the choker necklace and what do you even have to distinguish yourself as a goth and not a lazy guy who just happens to have an all-black wardrobe? A single, easily-missed silver stud? The sunglasses in winter?! EUGH. I cannot BELIEVE I of all people am telling someone to shop at Hot Topic but even those guys carry patterned tees, so I'm just gonna have to assume you get your goth shit from Walmart and that's just a crime against ALL fashion subcultures, ever.

And like also, fuck you for getting my hopes up, and here I thought this batch might actually have something, I don't know, FASHIONABLE? Like, what kind of goth wears an office-wear-ass button-up shirt unless they're trying to be a Victorian gentleman on a budget?

And also fuck you for adding that one shining beacon of a cool choker to your garbage goth look! I COULD have a grand old time dunking on it if it weren't for that little speck of potential. Like, can you imagine if you decided to put a silvery, crescent-moon motif or night sky sorta thing on your outfit? That would seriously bring it all together, even the stupid little stud. Oh! And I'm not done going on about the stud. If you're gonna do asymmetry in fashion, go all the way you coward! Shirts divided in half between white and black, jackets with a patch on only one sleeve, a bracelet on the wrist opposite your pierced ear, even fucking... mismatched socks!? Just COMMIT to it in more than one way! Otherwise you're stuck with a blocky look that you just taped a single stud to one side of and that just... BOTHERS me. This whole fucking outfit bothers me! Do better!

Ingrid favors simple, comfortable clothing, usually athletic wear of some sort even in more casual contexts. She wears hoodies and track jackets, usually in muted colors, generally over plain t-shirts and either jeans or track pants. She typically doesn't bother with jewelry or makeup whatsoever. On the trip, she wore a dark brown canvas jacket, a red hoodie over a white t-shirt, blue jeans, and red-and-white athletic shoes. Her right wrist was in a brace due to a sprain gained two weeks before the trip.

I can't believe the only thing you have in terms of accessorizing is a fucking brace. Like, maybe that's the whole problem with sportswear-as-fashion. You wouldn't wear bracelets and necklaces and earrings onto a tennis court! So why would those carry over to sportswear? Like, if it's not one of those weird elastic headband thingies or MAYBE a fancy hairtie or scrunchie, it just doesn't go with sports. That's such a tragedy! No wonder jocks are always so messed up, the poor things, I'd go nuts if I literally couldn't accessorize. Where oh where would I be without my jangly bracelets and hairclips to fiddle with?

Ahem. You know, red-and-white is one of the better common sports and sneaker colour-combos. It's classic. It's hard to mess up. And you didn't mess up! Congratulations! Congratulations. Like, dark brown isn't my go-to pairing with the red white and blue, but it's not offensively bad. And at the very least you're not so athletics-brained that you decided to wear track pants.

Uh... advice... when you get out of your brace try swapping it for bracelets or some other arm band thingy. Can't recommend them enough! Now take your passing grade and get out.

Kiera tends to dress in comfortable clothes that are practical for her outdoorsy lifestyle, such as long pants and long-sleeved shirts made of durable fabrics. She favors clothes with muted colors and minimal patterns. She generally wears minimal makeup and jewelry, only really doing so for special occasions. On the trip, she was wearing a dark red coat over a thick long-sleeved white blouse, dark brown slacks and black boots.

...are slacks outdoorsy? I thought they were like, office wear. This whole look is kind of office-y, like wow. All you have to do really is switch the boots for dress shoes of the same colour and you'd look like you're going to a job interview. Why the fuck would you go to a school ski trip like that? When adults say high school is preparation for the rest of your life they didn't mean you have to practice dressing like an insurance claimant, or maybe an undercover FBI agent. But you know what? I also dress for the job I want, not the job I have. Because I dress like a star!

[Dogs231]

Hello! I'd love to hear your thoughts on my cast.

S031: Abhishek Panicker, S043: Donovan Lauer, S061: Alexander Hawthorne, S091: Claire Haig, and S000: William Springfield.

[Yonagoda]

Hello! Amy or Millie or both pls!

[Deamon]

If you could do Jessica, California, Darryl and Aracelis that’d be funny.

[BlizzardeyeWonder]

Chloé’s wardrobe is expansive, but generally based around emphasizing her legs: skinny-fit jeans, leggings, and skirts matched with loose or baggy tops and sweaters. When she was abducted, this combination was a grey sweater worn over a white blouse and a red plaid circle skirt worn short around her waist. She also had a red scarf and a white winter coat, and wore black tights and boots to keep her legs warm. Chloé is usually wearing jewellery, most commonly stud earrings and a necklace with a Swiss cross on it.

God damn, you look like a Catholic schoolgirl. Really taking JEM back to its roots, huh?

I mean, aside from that everything would be peachy keen in terms of style if it wasn't for the GRAY. SWEATER! Red, white, and black is a perfectly good colour combination, as are any combination of those three shades you picked, why'd you have to muck it up with gray?! If you think it goes with your jewellery you are SORELY mistaken - just because silver is technically a shade of gray, does NOT mean silver and non-metallic gray are in remotely the same league! It just adds insult to injury that it's stud earrings, that is ENTIRELY too little metallic to even remotely balance out the gray. AAAAAAAAAA-

Ahem. Advice - get rid of the sweater and you're good. Like, you have a perfectly good white coat, that goes way better with all your shit. And have you considered upgrading your red scarf to a plaid red scarf? It'd match your skirt! Also, you should get bigger earrings or get you a stack of silver bracelets or maybe wear a silver cross since you're not gonna be using gray in your outfit... wait, what's a Swiss cross? As in like, from the flag of Switzerland??? So it IS still tacky when other countries do it...

Fred dresses casually and rather plainly. His t-shirts- the staple of his wardrobe- usually sport the branding of sports teams or indie bands, and tend to keep to a subdued colour scheme. He tends to wear hoodies in colder weather and jeans or sweatpants year-round, cycling between a few pairs of well-worn shoes. On the day of his abduction, this combination was a grey hoodie over a black t-shirt, light grey sweatpants worn just below the waistline of his boxers, scuffed-up navy blue sneakers and a black digital watch on his left wrist. He has a pair of prescribed reading glasses, but he tries to avoid wearing them when possible.

...GRAY. HOODIE. GRAY. SWEATPANTS?!

WHERE do I begin?!

Like not only are you a band shirts AND a sports-team shirts person, which is somehow even worse than the sum of its parts of graphic tees and sports shit, but you're also a baggy pants person?! The 2000s called, they want their low-waists back, except no they don't because this entire look it so... baggy. In a really lazy way. Like shit! Did you literally get dressed blindfolded?! You SHOULD have worn your glasses while you were picking this shit out, or maybe you want to look the way everyone does to you. Like a big, gray blob.

...what do you mean, reading glasses aren't the same as normal glasses?

My production team said that criticism doesn't work, so anyway... the black watch is by far the worst of it. Like, you COULD commit to being a gray blob but no, you can't even commit to that, you just HAD to put in that weird, incongruous black watch. Are you trying to be the worse dressed CEO in Silicon Valley?! What would that stupid watch even GO with? I'm honestly having trouble thinking of anything to improve on because it's just so... so... EUGH! Get out! Get out of my sight! NEXT!

[ViolentMedic]

A little late to the party, but I got four kids that I would love to see judged if you ever have the time and are down. So got Marshall, Molly, Fitz and Roberta. (Links straight to them are in my little signature)

[KamiKaze]

Roast my kids?

Note: Ashlee had a different starting outfit in pre-game. I changed it because cold. Here it is if you want to roast that one, too.

On the day of the trip, Ashlee wore a pink baggy sweater tucked into a high-waisted A-line pleated white skirt. She wore loose socks with black dress shoes. For accessories, Ashlee wore a white fabric hairband, with the knot tied on top.

[BlizzardeyeWonder]

Dave’s fashion sense is a mix of rebellious and conservative, featuring elements of both preppy and punk fashion. This includes tartan shirts, distressed jeans, madras, sweaters, Doc Martens, slip-on shoes, and a black leather jacket he is especially taken with wearing during the fall months. On the day of the abduction, he was wearing a pair of Doc Marten Coronado shoes, dark wash jeans with torn knees, a dark green tartan shirt over a white undershirt, his leather jacket, and a dark grey puffer coat.

Eugh. Avril Levigne called, she wants the mixing of punk and the most un-punk shit known to man back. I like some of her songs but most of them are annoying as fuck - just like this stupid trend! Like, what even is the point? You want to be punk but not too punk or else your parents will yell at you? That's not very punk! Or what, you want to be preppy but like, in a cool way? There's no making private school uniforms cool! Believe me, I tried! And like, it's not even anything about the uniforms themselves, I think? Like, if you divorced it from a school context they'd be like, functional probably. Maybe even cute! Like, sailor fukus? EXTREMELY cute. But the act of associating it with education and conformity makes it totally, completely uncool.

And like, case in point: tartan is a neat design, and greens and darks go really well with it, I think! And like, at least this isn't an actual school uniform for JEM, phew. But even going for the prep look kinda ruins it. It stains it! I've seen great punk lolita coords with tartan, so it's not like the pattern's irredeemable or anything but GAH. Also, if you told me those shoes were from Dr. Marten I straight up would not believe you. They look so... business-y.

Also I fucking hate that coat. It's like... a blob of dark gray. Which isn't the best colour to be a blob of! Like, you were doing so well with colours up until now by going with boring tried-and-true shit but then you had to get REALLY boring and it just - eugh! I hate it! Like, genuinely - the rest of this shit I would like under some other circumstance but I hate this stupid trend on principle. NEXT!